Old Pair of Pants -Hello from the Other Side

-Kristina Antosik

I started out by writing the date, initially intending to write out my routine gratitude list. However this entry rapidly turned far from routine that day..

“10/8/15 -but that doesn’t matter

Time Doesn’t Exist

It’s where you take yourself.

Such a concept becomes hard to absorb however, when my mom’s still not here.

I miss her.

A lot lately

Came across something yesterday, when looking for something else, somewhere else.

It was book I had written when I was really little and just learning to write. It was funny and cute until I came across a part that literally read

“My mama and I will grow old together like an old pair of pants…..”

That’s what she used to say to me..

Needless to say that didn’t happen. She transcended from this Earth when I wasn’t even remotely old.

11 isn’t near old.

However after that I grew up real quick.

11 isn’t old, but it was to me

That entry reminded me of how at one time she really did love me.

At one point in my life, I had a mother’s love

my mother’s love.

It’s hard to believe people love you when they leave you.

“Accidentally” or not, when it happens repeatedly in your life, thinking of or excusing such heartbreaking incidents as accidents, gets real old to your broken heart.

The amount of deaths & near death experiences I had when I was young, spurred me into enhancing my spiritual development info in my 20’s

which taught me that there are no accidents.

There are no accidents, or coincidences, just angels.

Thus from what I’ve gathered and learned, eventually the info led to me accepting the fact that on some (deep)level she knew or chose that she was leaving then,

and thus so did my dad, when I was 6.

Yet on that same note, (of where I learned they chose that) theoretically, I did too.

The same way they chose their lives, I chose mine, which apparently included that.

I understand how this may seem controversial to those who have yet to hear of such theories prior, however as much as life is about lessons, it’s also about love.

So whether I chose that to learn how to be on my own, or to help spur my learning and theorizing on human kind and pass on the info on exactly what can empower people, it still hurts.

I’m still a human, I still feel abandoned when I’m alone and have no one to talk to, particularly during crucial points of my life where typically people can go to at least one of their parents.

Typically people venture out to become adults and do as much as they can. When they can’t take it anymore, they fall back into their parents arms –metaphorically or not, and when emotionally recharged in some way, they venture back out. This happens at least once, usually multiple times depending.

I never got to have those recharge moments.

No arms to safely fall in to.

No ears to confide in that could love no matter what, in a way only a parent would.

I just prayed and

had to make it, end of story.

I had to be completely on my own emotionally from 11 on, while being there for others as they grieved, the loss of my mother.

However those experiences allowed something to grow in me, that may have not grown otherwise.

My instincts enhanced and my already heightened intuition had risen to such a level that I had+have dreams that come true, knowing things before people tell me, looking at someone and knowing/sensing a lot, amoung many other things that I won’t mention but most imperitavley, the curiousity of it all, which helped me develop more and more everyday through learning etc.

 

So perhaps this is not the end of the story.

In essence, it may’ve been the end of part 1, enabling me to proceed to part 2.

 

We used to say we’de grow old together, like an old pair of pants..

11 isn’t old, but became old to me.

In essence my soul continues to grow, I continue to acknowledge signs from that realm, and my mom and I continue to develop out own communicative language.

You know more then you realize, if you just let yourself be aware of it.

It didn’t look like she was with me when I got hit by that car, or in all of those accidents, however maybe it is because she was with me, that I’m still here.

 

We used to say we’de grow old together like an old pair of pants, we’ll maybe I am.

Maybe I’m still growing and being guided by her.

And like her, I hope I age gracefully

And like an old pair of pants, our metaphysical partnership just gets better and better with age.

 

The signs are everywhere, you just have to let yourself see them, and when you do you’ll know. Chills and bumps will cover you, and you’ll know something more then you ever thought you could. It’ll be personal and you’ll know.

 

I let myself listen to that new Adelle song for the first time; and although the video depicts that it’s possibly about and ex or old friend, I received a much deeper message, from the other side. So deep that my body became covered with bumps and chills and the waterfall from within flowed without warning, a good release, and communication made. Communication so real, that it had that effect. It felt like the first contact in years. You’ll hear it, you’ll feel it, it’s touching beyond words.

 

The way I look at it and tell others who have lost, is that she’s with me more now. Whoever you lost is always with you, and more genuinely.

As humans, we’re always so distracted by the physical, however that’s all just temporary. What is everlasting is our souls.

When she was a human she worked too much anyway.

As an angel, she’s with me more now.

They’re with you more now.”

 

 

ADELE LYRICS

Play Music

“Hello”

Hello, it’s me
I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time’s supposed to heal ya, but I ain’t done much healingHello, can you hear me?
I’m in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I’ve forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet

There’s such a difference between us
And a million miles

Hello from the other side
I must’ve called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter, it clearly doesn’t tear you apart
Anymore

Hello, how are you?
It’s so typical of me to talk about myself, I’m sorry
I hope that you’re well
Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened?

It’s no secret that the both of us
Are running out of time

So hello from the other side
I must’ve called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter, it clearly doesn’t tear you apart
Anymore, ooooohh
Anymore, ooooohh
Anymore, ooooohh
Anymore, anymore

Hello from the other side
I must’ve called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter, it clearly doesn’t tear you apart
Anymore

 

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