A couple years ago I was in the subway station at night in NYC, getting lost while getting found like we all do in NY, when I heard the most beautiful tune I’ve ever heard, or at least in years. It struck a chord in me that hadn’t ever been struck, and awakened me in such a way, that was very timeless.
I felt in harmony with it, and was drawn to this beautiful music that was (clearly to me)straight from the soul. Luckily, it happened to be on the subway that I needed to take, otherwise I would’ve been led astray. However in that music I was found.
I don’t remember the exact lyrics but they kept leading to a chorus that went something like “or am I just talking to the moon?/…”, and the tune was, really something from the heart. As I looked around the subway, everyone was silent. Each person was only about an inch or less apart from the other; and yet they all usually couldn’t be seemingly farther away from one another, in terms of what they’re thinking, in these recurrent crowded situations. Everyone’s seemingly on autopilot, always.
Yet they all were silent; and with this music, I believe there was a mutual respect for the truth coming out of this singer’s soul, hence the silence. Whether they wanted to show it or not, each person’s soul leaked out even in the slightest, through their heavily filtered, usual, autopilot masks, that are worn by default. Everyone was touched, as I looked at them, I saw. We’d make eye contact and I knew it. I saw on them, that no matter what our profession, or how different our costumes may seem, that we all want the same thing. We all love, want love, and/or have love to give.
I had tremendous genuine respect for the most raw genuine passion seeping from this man in the most artistic way. He made love, or even the pain of sometimes being in love, or alone in love, beautiful. He really displayed the beauty of the human experience.
And as I looked at him, he sang happily, his words and sound touching my soul. He was in his element, and it was contagious to the entire, now unified, subway. His sound emitted his energy that was so genuine and from the heart, that it spread over the entire subway; and we all knew in some form or another, that at the core, we are all the same, beautiful, loving, creatures, that merely want love. In that moment, we were all stripped of our costumes and emotiCON’s that we wear everyday, con being the key word there, and we were all real, and present. It was beautiful.
The, what I consider a true artist, and I made eye contact as he sang and I got it. We connected. He looked at me knowingly, happily, and wise, like an angel would, his mind nodding. He was a beautiful display of life, and I hope my eye contact displayed appreciation for him; and conveyed to him that even though others may not show it, I got it. Although his energy was so perpetually happy and passionate he didn’t need anyone’s approval, he knew he was singing truth; but I wanted that light to always shine so I gave it genuine love that we all need in life regardless, and that we all deserve despite sometimes not so clearly, but he clearly did.
As I looked at him with utter respect for his passion, I saw myself, not just in him, but during times of my life. As he sang “or am I just talking to the moon/..?“I saw a vision of myself several years prior, paused outside of my childhood home in Mount Vernon in the snow at night while walking “home”(a room i then rented) yet searching for a sense of home. I remember looking at it, being the only one in a deserted street with 2 feet of snow, as it gently fell in the dark. I hadn’t lived there since I was 11, I was then in my early 20’s. It seemed like a different lifetime when that was my home, and in fact, it was my last home; when my parent’s were alive, when my sister and I lived in the same country, let alone under the same roof. I wondered if it was all a dream, the life i once had, the family I once had, the home I once belonged to. The only comfort or company i had then, was the moon and stars above me. They were in fact, the only thing/s that were the same or remained current, as that time.
I saw myself years prior in my former Mount Vernon apartment when I was a smoker. When I would hang out on a couch cushion on the kitchen floor of my 2nd/3rd story apartment. At least one arms outside of the window while gazing out at the moon every night, best of both worlds. I would look up at the stars and the moon, full of questions that they would somehow ease.
I saw myself, a few years later, before the first scene. In fact this next scenario caused the first scene… I used to record video’s for the sake of learning media and videography etc/an internship project. To practice, I recorded many parts of my life. During this time i met what I now know is, my twin flame, yet at the time the experience blew my mind. One video that never made it out, was one where i finally let my true emotions flow and allowed myself to feel my innocent and loving soul cry for this man softly. I had so much love for him that I never had for another, and that I didn’t understand because he was so mean to me, and yet nothing could touch that love I had for him. It was hard because I found him judgmental, yet my soul seemed to know different of him. I mean who wants to deal with this lol talk about complex, yet my love for him was the simplest thing I’ve ever known, and i then knew how beautiful simplicity could be. I never told him or showed him, anything he saw was a tough front of mine; but this video had my true soul leaking, and crying the true sorrow of unconditional yet hurt, love. All those times I sang to myself my soul’s private truth, wondering if it would ever reach him or if i was “just talking to the moon”.
All of these past incidents became current in a flash, to the surface of my mind, as I listened to the music of the soul, that resonated with me. We continued to have one of those unifying moments as I looked at him, that despite all of our different formulas of experience that make us, us, there is still something the same in all of us at the core. The energy would state, as eye contact graciously confirmed, how we both recognized at that moment, that we are all, one at heart.