Awakening 2014: Sh*t just got Real


Hey guys.

I figured this pic would help relay the spiritual message I will be attempting to convey through this blog with it’s awareness that seems to cut through all to the core of the message. Those aren’t my eyes though, lol, mine are green.

Spiritual evolution is a constant journey; and just like every other process sometimes intervals need to take place for whatever reason.

With workouts, sometimes a week or so needs to be taken off, in order for the next few times or types of workouts to really have the maximum effect on your body etc.

In this case, I believe it’s because, well, let’s face it I’m human.

The past few months I’ve somehow allowed myself to get carried away with my social and everyday life, out of the need for human affection and emotion/intimacy.

I’m a huge follower in the Law of Attraction, etc and will not stop furthering my research on more up to date or effective ways to use it etc and many times it will lead me to other videos etc on quatum physics and other things that blow my mind that I still can’t believe not many that I know, are interested in.

Either way, I follow it every day, write down what I would like for my life in the morning and at night, yet for some reason, the love I want -my Twin Flame, has not come into the physical yet. Maybe because I already met him and a lot has happened since, that its hard for my human mind to really think of that love without the possibly resentment baggage that may come with it due to human circumstance and my own self respect.

However when it comes to matters of the spirit, all that seems to go out the window and infinite understanding and love washes over -particularly in dreams where I find our spirit is at it’s truest, compared to on Earth when our conspicuous and subconscious are activated and we are many times clouded or diluted with the linear events and circumstances and the baggages that come along with it., no matter how much we try to resist it -it just doesn’t come close to the feeling of lightness and purity felt in our dreams. Like carrying a lot of heavy loads through and airport, vs floating in a pool -there’s a difference.

I try in many circumstance to help my friends with useful advice, I’m giving them the tools to build the house they want, yet they’de rather just complain about it and not help it. I’m not sure if they don’t believe in the law of attraction, but I just have to let them be on their journey.

It’s hard waiting for your twin flame. I know he exists, I met him. If you’ve followed my blogs you know we haven’t had contact since September, he left to live where I used to live, around or on my birthday. I always fb him on his, but sort of had signs not to. I met him in 2008 and I guess you could say a lot has happened since, seperatley to us, as before we met, and after, yet when together -timelessness occurs.

Being human and all, after months of faith and tears and spiritual growth etc, I really needed to expand and be my social self again. I allowed 2014 to be the year I do it, all of it. I’ve made friends, some my dreams will inexplicably tell me what level they’re at, and how I would grow better if I made friends more at my level, instead of constantly trying to bring people up 5 and them weighing me down, or trying -its a struggle, you can be strong but a weight’s a weight.

I started seeing a guy, who was in my group of friends. If I told you the details you’de think that if it was on a reality show, it was scripted, but it’s not lol, that’s just my life. Either way I was laying with him as friends before we started seeing eachother, and although my dreams tried to warn me that I was hanging around lower dimensional people again and I’m much further along than that, let’s face it -I’m human and grabbed the opportunity to be amongst others, hoping it wouldn’t stunt my growth but rather provide some lightheartedness to sail me to the next level of happiness or group etc.

As I was laying with him in a ridicuslous situation, lol he held me. My mind wasn’t really there, it was more on still trying to have us all leave where we were, but a day or so later it registered. It registered how he held me, how he cared, how soothing and listening he was, and how yes -that felt good.

The feeling of finally, the feeling of relief, of ahh I can breathe again, it’s been so long. Yes, I would like that please, I said to the universe.

Yes I have men that like me, but I’m not attracted to them and they’re like emotional loads I can’t weigh myself down with anymore. This one seemed to be at my level in terms of personality and socialness. He had a great personality, made me laugh, and ….maybe.

And thus it started, a 3 month ordeal. In the beginning, when it was all still candy and bubble gum flavored, I remember waking up from a nights sleep…..As I was waking up, I found myself returning to the reality I now know, this place and time, finding myself in it the more and more I woke, and seeing -what I can’t see in my consiuos state….That this stuff with Steve -that’s his name, was really at a level 3, when you’re happiness could really be at a level 8 or higher -is what this message told/showed me in some way. I saw the levels, and saw him and his emotions entangled with mine, our situation past, present, and maybe future, at a level 3 -yet I saw my true happiness, true potential, where I’m comfortable being, where I usually am when I go to sleep, at a much higher level -8 or higher.

Interesting….and yet -me being human and all, sort of stuck with him. It was telling me, don’t waste time in that 3d world, you have the potential for something so much greater, especially with all the self improvement via own spiritual enlightenment and research you’ve been doing on your own. Like the angels were congratulating me on that, and thanking me in a way by trying to help me out by allowing me to see this in the waking/ state.

This is actually the third time I’ve had this type of experience. The first was when I still hung out with a friend named Andrew that always liked me but our energies never matched up, and I sensed his karma, it freaked me out. I was waking from a heaven I was in with my Twin Flame free as a bird but better, and when waking had to find my place of where I was in this reality again and had to remember o yea, I somehow have myself hanging out with that lower energy.

The second was with a friend of his named Chris. Chris was quiet and I found him innocent, him and I started hanging out a lot as friends and he too, liked me. However I didn’t feel that way about Chris, but managed to help him in life and though we’de both find relief in our friendship. Well my friend Nancy who’s 50 tried to tell me he was of lower density energy, and I believe a week before she said it I was waking up, again from whatever Heaven my spirit was returning to at the time, and as I was waking I had to find my place back in this reality again, and remembered Chris, and felt the lower denser energy of him that I was surrounding myself with. Hm, interesting.

Steve, is friends with both, yet mostly Chris. Chris and Steve are not really as close with Andrew anymore. I met Andrew and Steve in 08, Chris last year. Through Chris, I no longer hang out with Andrew anymore, and now hang out with Steve a lot more. Steve and I had to keep our relationship sort of under wraps.

I really like Steve but I’m not sure how much of that is oxytocin bonding at this point. I heard also that when you have sex with someone, you’re sharing, maybe exchanging energies with them -great. I work so much on mine and he’s the opposite. My higher self knowing, and me feeling I deserve better…yet he’s there.

Want my Twin Flame, but I’m human and Steve’s here.

Here to distract me, from what’s not here.

Let’s face it I need that at this point…yet he’s sort of f*cking my life up. He’s in, he’s out, he apologizes, he has “issues” he says. I’m torn  between being the understanding and loving person I am, to wondering why I’m buying this ish as a woman.

I have no idea what’s true and whats not because I don’t even think he does.

I do know I deserve better, but have been patient with him, feeling as if I saw something more in his eyes. Which I did, but is he ready for it? He needs to want it, and do it himself.

My mind is constantly readjusting to us possibly being more, and me stepping back a lot bc I deserve better and have my guard up as well. Aka I don’t need this sh*t.

Yet I do it, although I’ve been drifting back from it more and more bc let’s face it it’s bs, I’ve been doing it out of a desire for love. I deserve love as much as the next person, and I want to give my glorious love out, but to someone that deserves it.

I found myself taking myself higher last night and asking questions as I wrote. Soul Mate: and automatically my twin flames name and face appeared in my mind, even though I try my best to not think of him anymore, sometimes it leaks out. Sometimes his face will appear to me so clear, as if I’d seen  him yesterday, yet I haven’t seen him since September.

On the drive into work today, I felt as if I saw myself from his eyes. Love pouring from him for me as I saw myself laughing and really saw my soul pour through my physical. Interesting.

As much as I’ve been doing this to distract myself and dull my light of what I really want (twin flame), the soul always shines through.

Today I found myself on the phone saying to someone that wanted to offer his bosses services to me on decision making between two guys or something like that spiritually, my spirit spoke.

I found myself saying “Ya know, my problems are much more simpler yet deeper than that. Most of my family is on the other side so I’d love messages from them.”

he interrupts with “Well he can help them cross over if they need”

I interrupt with “oh no trust me they have, I haven’t heard from them in years”

“Aside from that my soul aches everyday for a love from my twin flame who’s a douchebag.”

Me being human and all, it is very hard to have the self respect they teach you to have, and not have any resentment towards someone that looks as if they don’t see you as the gem you are, they way you see them and yourself.

If he only knew, how much I could cherish him. Yet would he appreciate it? Can you cherish with self respect? Is there someone out there who wouldn’t take advantage of such a pure love?

To me, there’s only one. The one that also holds the purest of love for you, and that is, your Twin Flame. However, we are all human; and as much as they may purely love you spiritually, they may not be as aware as you are, and may handle such emotions in a very diluted human fashion.

I meditated today to a Twin Flame meditation, something I haven’t done in months.

Tears trickled down my face and they leaked from my closed eyes.

I felt it. As much as I tried to dull my light these past few months, by possibly thinking maybe someone else will hold that Twin Flame energy or something but I couldn’t spend my whole life waiting, or maybe someone for the meantime…

Your soul knows, your soul always knows. The light shines through when you relax from all the resistance you’ve been putting up, and finally surrender, to the truth.

The truth of what you deserve and the truth of the purity of the love that you’ve been feeling for that person/soul and it getting given back. It’s not in our minds, although we should put it there to manifest into the physical. Its in our souls and hearts.

My soul bleeds for him, no matter how inconvenient it is physically -love knows no time or space, just truth.

Awakening from that as if from a cacoon, during this process I realize it’s time to be true to myself.

Don’t even regret anything, it all happened for a reason and higher formula/purpose. Although when you find yourself lost in 3D world and remember in a timeless way, of how deep into the spiritual you were, I feel as if it’s angels tapping you on the back or shoulder, perhaps a gentle reminder of love.

Being true to yourself is also not wasting time with those who don’t deserve your company. Don’t beat yourself up for doing it, you’re helping whoever you come in contact with anyway and doing your soul work. However when you’re ready to get real, it’s all waiting for you. I’m done actually considering and sharing some of my precious love with those who do not appreciate it and throw away my positive, loving, and healing energy. Love is good for all, yet you don’t want the love you give to affect the love you have for yourself. Someone that deserves it and loves you back, will not have that love you give, affect your own self love. Give it to all, but don’t continually give it to someone, who’s energy is reciprocating it back to you in a way that may not be the best for you.

I’m done with that, have healed and learned a lot, as well as served my purpose in my existence helping others to learn as well like everyone else, and am ready for what’s real. Bring it on.

Time: 4:44.



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