I was sitting by my computer today listening to Lana Del Rey’s “Dark Paradise” lyrics since I heard a glimpse of them at Sky Room NYC Saturday, and chose to be devoted to looking them up while under the influence the other night, that I”m still re-cooping from.
I seemed to have been so dedicated to this, the other night, that it has already made its way on my Fall playlist -funny how the real comes out no matter how much you try to ignore it.
Today I face it head on after a few days of numbness while helping others, and decide to hear the entire song and pay close attention to the lyrics now that I finally had a chance.
I’m listening carefully, agreeing completely yet mostly still in my numb state, when finally it hit me…something so quickly all at once reached my soul and reawakened it and i burst out, yet silently, crying as I just thought……yea.
Felt like a good release, and that I was actually present for a second. All those lyrics stood true in a way I would only write about, In fact during my transformation in the past couple months, I have banged out a couple of extraordinary poems, which just goes to show that success really is fueled by artist’s pain.
However, as much as I feel where she’s coming from, the only thing that doesn’t resonate with me is wanting to die. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid to die, but I’m not wanting it. I’m 28, self-assured, and am here like the rest of us, for a reason. I’m aware I lived this life for a reason. Ammm I looking forward to Heaven? Yes, and I often wonder if I’m the only one, since others may find it a bit strange; but I do believe there’s a difference between wanting to die, and looking forward to Heaven, a difference in energy. As much as I’m looking forward to Heaven, I guess like anyone else, lol, I’m here to help and assist and see what’s up, like anyone else I guess except we’re all different and unique in our own way.
My apologies for not blogging in a while, trust me I’ve thought about it a lot, and almost did once but it never made it -my computer seemed to delete it in the publishing process and I just rolled with it with a sidebar thought that there must be a reason.
Since my last blog, a lot has happened, a mix of a variety of things. I don’t like to call or look at anything as bad, yet helping me get to the next step.
I had to freeze or stop the blogging for a bit because I realized the address was on my business card, and I didn’t want anything private getting in the wrong hands. I don’t care if I don’t know you, it’s the ones I do know -that maybe I don’t want to share this portion of my life with, which is becoming increasingly ironic considering this “portion” of my life is pretty much my entire life at this point.
See, part of the New Age topic particularly this year, is that there’s a lot of movement going on in terms of energy, and I don’t consider your job, or anything you HAVE to do, your life. I consider things that you WANT, and WANT to do, your life. Things that are really you, you see.
People have been tricked into believing that they have to do, what everyone else expects them to, and they’ve basically programmed to follow protocol, if you will.
I agree, we have to make money to survive yadi yada, but what really makes the world go round is the love/passion for things. Follow that, do what you love and everything else will follow. What you can do in your mind you can do in your body if you combine your desire with belief.
I believe more and more people have been waking up to this idea, I’ve certainly been one of the many many helpers out there and one can only hope.
At the Pix11 Health and Wellness Expo NYC on Saturday, after one of the speakers spoke and took questions publicly, I went to speak to her privatley. She told me I was an Indigo, which isn’t the first time I’ve heard this.
At the New Life Expo Spring Edition earlier this year, one of the speakers tried to read me and finally when I off-focused from him, he comes out with “your one of us!”, I’ve heard this from, I believe, every psychic/medium prior so at this point I’m like “mm hmm but the reason I’m here…” lol I guess you can say I semi-ignore it because perhaps everyone has this ability and it just hasn’t been awakened yet, or they don’t want to etc, idk. I doo know that I’m highly intuitive and assumed growing up that everyone else was, as well. However I’ve been told many times that that apparently is not the case.
So here’s the thing, I’ve been known to be good with people, people know me to be very social, and some think everyone knows me and I can supposedly get along with everyone. Well after my birthday on Sept 6th I pretty much decided to keep to myself, and whoever comes into my life ok, but I’m not going to be the ring-leader socialite I usually was, even though I have been calming down the past few years, becoming more and more real to myself.
So while the rest of the world knows me as this sort of comedian, and party pro, i began a real transformation after my birthday, joined 2 writing clubs -where my identity there is so different then how everyone else knows me to be lol, and really tried to stay away from bars and anyone else that’s not on the level I want to be.
However when I do find myself at these places, I stay real to myself -which can threaten those who are not exceeding with you, yet I see right through their facades, and provide closure for our souls as well as healing. I’ve been feeling that.
Of course to whoever’s with me, I make light of these situations so that this all seems fun, and sometimes funny but I definitly been keeping it real.
Ironic, given that, some would say my life isn’t entirely real itself. I started to write about the realm of dreams at one point, and why it is that sometimes you can feel more in dreams than you do in “real” life -I wrote this in a much more beautiful way, and why is it that no one is really wondering about that, and if they are, it’s definitly not google-able.
That’s right, when you type in anything on dreams in the google scroll bar, it will take you to the stero-typical “meanings of symbols” or scientific reasons or physcological theories on why we dream including Freud etc.
Eye Roll, give me a break. We’re in the New Age, the Golden Age to those who are really aware, and this is all that comes up in terms of dreams?
Lol -Those are not the dreams I’m talking about.