Father’s Day

It’s ironic I was talking to my friend yesterday about how I want to figure out how to channel angels a bit better. I feel like I’m at a plateau or cross roads of some sort in my spiritual growth, where to go from here.

It’s time’s like this (not getting into the meaningless drama of everyday life of suburbia etc) that I would love to have my father the most.

He was a very respectable man from (when it was) Czechoslovakia, who became a history professor at NYU, then St. John’s and Columbia.

Jobs were hard to come by back then, in terms of exactly what you want and teaching, kind of like now. He almost settled to teach high-school but my mom told him to take his time and follow his dream.

He “passed on” when I was 6, but I always felt he was still with me. I would sit in my room alone and read the Bible, because he wanted me to, after he passed I felt that. I was always taught they are still with you after they pass, which is why it was no surprize to me that he was. However any adults that asked me about it seemed very surprized, and didn’t take it very well.

As we age, our minds seem to acclimate to certain sets of paradigms.


Just like a muscle, as you age and possibly don’t work it out as much, our minds tenndd to not want to expand outside of these boxes of thought we were taught, both subconsciously and consciously : paradigms.

When younger, our bodies are flexible, limber, we bounce back, healings faster, we can bend all sorts of ways.

Same goes for the mind. People’s minds seem to become more rigid and closed off as you get older, like any other muscle.

However if your conscious of this, you can remain open minded, the same way if you go to the gym regularly and try new exercises etc, the same goes for the body.

Anyway I’ve always tried to not let other people’s paradigms, get in the way of my growing curiosity of life, and the part of life not sensed by the 5 senses.

Some people’s mind’s don’t want to go there, and I respect that. However how could mine not? That’s the only way to communicate with my parents. There’s no other road.

I can’t take McClain Ave, I can’t go down Route 6, I can’t get on a plane or even a rocket, and can’t even find it on Facebook.

You know something is out of this world, when it’s not on facebook. Heaven, I come to realize, does not have a facebook.

You can’t text heaven, I’ve tried (probably when I was drunk and 19) but still. No matter what, there is still that longing for some sort of contact with the other side. I’m not talking ghosts -“aint nobody got time for that”

Heaven does not come up on a GPS, and yes there are signs once in a while that they’re there, or here, with me -however you got to remember, I’ve been doing this for a long time.  I’ve been without them, for a longg time, and you have to remember I have a philosopher’s genes in me, thus I need to constantly improve, up my game, more theories please.

Other routes are welcome, I’m open to the fact that after a while of experiencing something that seemed like a miracle, it’s only natural for us to eventually find some Earthly “logical” reason for it, depleting the miraculousness of it, just in order for our brains to accept it, into it’s paradigm world.

Thus I’m only human, and after a while finding a dime on the ground, will lose it’s flavor, and could possibley be looked at as…finding a dime on the ground.

They say when feathers are here, the angels are here.

You know how many feathers I’ve found? I could build a bird by now, and yet stilll I’ll just say -hmm maybe a bird lived in my apartment before me, IDK! who am I to say no?? IDK

In other words, the same way people may reach a plateou in losing weight, or their tolerance or endurance in something has reached a comfort level, and there requires more for more results, that’s where I am spiritually.

I see the feathers, I see the dimes, give me more. Give me something I won’t write off as an Earthly experience right away.

I want to KNOW your there, I don’t want to think hmm maybe, I want a CLEAR sign. I deserve at least that. I”ve been needing my parents throughout many many times in my life and I deal with it, myself it’s very private with me, I just hope and believe that they’re there, but sometimess the human side and this life hits me, and it almost feels good to break down. to release the strong walls of strength positivity and courage I display and do




Like something that grows out of it’s shell, The old shell has to break, in order for a new to rebuild. Sometimes it feels good to break down, release all the tension, let it out, breathe, in order to become what’s at the end of that.

Growing pains hurt but without them, your not healthy. Your better in the end for growing, and medically if you feel the pain, your healthier then if you didn’t. Means your senses are working. Apply as you will


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