This was one of the private excerpts that made me wonder if I should start blogging. It happened back in March, the Sunday after my first New Life Expo experience in NYC.
Due to the fact that this was private, forgive the stream of consciousness until I can correct it.
Excerpt from private blog of journey:
Last night I felt as if something was pulling me up, as if a vacumm was above me, but I didn’t see one. It was more like a huge gravity force extremely quickly and strongly sucking me up, wanting me to go up, into the night sky.
Dream-wise last thing I remember, was being up there(in space), but in a room. Some lady spoke about how this was skin cream that works on mars etc, and even though she would seem out there to most, I thought, “hmm possible” and moved on –as if I were in another expo. (meaning you take people’s beliefs no matter how “far out” they seem, without deleting the possibility, and with an open mind)
Then I felt comfortable enough to somehow peel off or unzip my human “costume”(/?), and let it all hang out –my alien-ness or idk what you would call it, but I can tell you this –it felt like right before your about to orgasm as I was doing it, like I was finally about to relax after years of being couped up in a tight contraption of some sort –suit? Wouldn’t know the words to describe it, but as if I could finally breatheee, and yea it felt just as if your about to come.
Then I guess my human-ness back down on earth aka your consciousness or ego part of you, started to realize how weird and just how odd this was, so oddly enough I tried to think of a thought that would quickly get me off, in the dream so I could wake up, if you know what I mean. (Weird I know, but if you know what I mean, you know what I mean)
Well none of that worked, so I guess it just wasn’t like that –it wasn’t sexually orientated really, looking back your just literally aroused, yet not sexually –which trust me I’m still trying to make sense of.
Here’s where it gets interesting and is just not a “regular”/”typical” dream, here’s what differentiates it from other weird dreams:
Something kept sucking me, into another “area”(/?) like a strong gravitational force or pull, when I was attempting to really get out of the dream.
I remember trying to wake up physically and not being able to.
I was aware of my body in bed and attempted to move my hands and feet and don’t think I was successful for a “moment” in time –indescribable amount of time.
I felt like I was above my body, I didn’t feel like I was in my body at all, what-so-ever. It felt as if there were a vacume above my bed, and possibley many beings or energy forces, persuading me to go up with the current.
Before all this and while still in the dream experiencing something similar while I was trying to wake and get back to Earth, I remember I didn’t go because I was unsure. Unsure of what was beyond, incertain I my earthly self could handle it, what if I never came back, or even mentally was the same.
I had the ability to fly and go there and didn’t. To make me feel better about even possibley giving in to this huge temptation, they knew what I was asking and showed me, or maybe it was me, I still don’t know but it was an image of me soaring the skys with Jesus.
I didn’t want to go on the wrong side, I wanted to make sure it was safe, which is why I /kind of asked/they showed me that –yet in my mind, it was such a huge change that I still wasn’t sure, what if they just showed me that to get me to go?
Thus just to be safe, I tried to stay where I was/get back to earth.
Like I said there was a huge gravitational, almost like a magnetic force pulling me upward –I felt myself going upward very very very veryyy easily, in fact a lot of consciuos effort was put in on my part to get back into my body, into my control –my will was strong.
This felt like, as if you are drunk –like almost half asleep drunk, and you know how you just do everything you want to do, usually when your like this? You eat at the diner etc, it takes time lol, a lot of drunk experiences to actually order something healthy when in this state.
Yet when your first starting out, amatuers I should say, you want to give in to your every whim. It’s like your drunk, falling asleep drunk, your hungry and someone offers you your favorite food, and every part of your being wants it –imagine then that one percent of you remained a bit logical and wanted you to eat the vegatables and protein instead of the disco fries? Sounds impossible right?
That’s what it felt like, that one percent of me or so got me back into my body –in other words it took a lot and I really wanted to go, but I stayed; bc clearly it was some sort of huge decision and not all of me wanted to go. I’m still unsure if this was out of fear of the unknown, or just getting used to something so different, I still don’t know if I made the right decision. Would going allow me to grow? Or stear me wrong, was it just my typical old fears(08) that I’m attempting to purge coming into play? That definitely had something to do with it, I felt that.
I just remember as I’m trying to get back into my body that was apart from my levitated soul, I felt as if there was no weight was so ever to my body. I also felt an extreme coldness as I was coming back into it, a tingling, that although felt-didn’t bother me, I wasn’t shivering as far as I can tell I was just simpley, aware of it; but yes an extreme coldness and tingling all over.
When I finally merged the two back together it took a “while” to get re-acclaimated. Different things were occurring, the temperature difference, the tingling, the weightlessness etc, all of this was returning to normal very gradually it felt, except for my breathing, that seemed to be a bit more abrupt since it felt harder to get back, if that makes any sense –almost like the more I got closer to giving in and going with them, the more my physical body was….not choking, but almost felt breathing wasn’t nessesary. Thus now that I was back, its like I had to catch my breathe and appreciate that I could breathe again, but for a while this happened –almost like I almost drowned and was getting used to breathing again perhaps after a hymlick, idk.
-See what happens when I turn the TV off before bed wtf