Angels, angels, and more angels
The other morning, I had an experience.
I’de been going through things lately that I haven’t expected.
I had an uncle who saw me as a daughter, re-enter my life after not seeing me the past 20 years, just to then say that his wife is suspicious of me.
Who has time for this sh*t.
Who has emotional time for this sh*t.
It’s like your standing in the ocean, looking towards the waves so you know what to expect, but one manifests from the side right on you suddenly that you never saw coming.
Anyway dealing with that amoung other things, knowing I’ll find meaning in all of this and an awakening in it somewhere when the time comes, I was waking up one of these mornings and had an experience I originally dismissed as my imagination or a dream of some sort.
I was in the state that may’ve been somewhere between awake and sleep, and in that state, still dealing with my emotions of the week the best way I know possible, I called out for my mom without sound.
Then I saw her, first fuzzy, then impeccably detailed. So detailed and real, it was like watching her in HD. It’s the clearest I’ve seen her since she was alive. It was shocking, how clear she was. And it hit me. Seeing her so clear, and moving, it hit me, right to the core, like “holy sh*t that’s her, so alive, in real time”
I believe she was gardening, in a greenhouse of some sort.
I’ve seen her like this before in other “dreams”, and I remember her looking clear then too –but you know how memory and time will eventually try and fade your miracles, so that your experiences will fit into the realms of the what we we’ve been taught are possible (which is why kids see a lot more then we do).
I also had those dreams where I didn’t have nearly as much knowledge that has sunk in, in the way it is now.
However I remember seeing her, gardening in the greenhouse. At the time I was sleeping at the shore of LBI, and sharing a room with my younger guy cousin. In the “dream” I saw her, gardening in a greenhouse, all so real, that again it hit me. Shocked me how it really was, her. Right there in front of me. For the first time in how long, wow. In that “dream” I never had that chance since she died (at the time) 15 or so years earlier, so I had to jump on it. I started crying for her. She was peaceful and doing her thing, but I think the sadder I got, and the more hysterical I got in this dream, the more she faded away. Leaving me in a bare, but big, cave, clutching to a wall I couldn’t grasp onto, such loaded tears pouring out.
I remember waking up, crying. In the dream I was screaming to some extent, thank God I woke up just crying a lot, since my cousin was in the next bed over, I wouldn’t want him to hear that. So I hid my intimate moment and went about my day.
At the time, I summed up the experience to the logic of Law of Attraction and Levels.
If like attracts like, I doubt my mom is in a frequency of sadness and despair the way I was, thus, the more I went in that direction, the less she could hear/see me.
Now I understand that loneliness is an illusion, as well as abandonment and isolation, all an illusion. So thus it was me, that couldn’t see her as much, due to my falling into the illusion, rather then her actually leaving anything.
Back to the present day, her facing me head-on was a blurry but beautiful image that came in and out of focus. However, her gardening, was clear as day again. I was tearing up and we starting communicating, without words.
I asked her why she doesn’t come to me.
She told me through feelings and thought, that she’s always with me, even when I don’t think so.
I said without words, and understandingly “I know”
Then I asked her why can’t she show me herself more visually when I ask for it when awake, and she answered, again without words and somehow showing me, visually and with feeling,
“We show you what you’re ready for, do you really think you’re ready for that”
As she’s saying that at first I’m saying yes, then when she becomes more 3D and clear I realized she was right again, and I said without words ok you were right, still not ready for that, not there yet.
Let me tell you this is the oddest thing. All I’ve ever thought I’ve wanted my whole life is to see her again. I’ve heard about people that see the ones that have passed on and even would get mad at her in a way for not being there for me. I thought we had a strong connection, guess I had it and she didn’t is what used to come to mind.
I used to hear they only show you what you’re ready for, I thought I was more than ready for too long…..it’s so interesting because then when push comes to shove, they always are wiser than us, they know more than we think we do.
Somehow she was right, part of me wasn’t ready and is too scared.
She basically, in a timeless fashion or flash, showed me how it would be if I saw her clearer, in front of me, by my bed, looking at me –and before she could proceed further I was like ok ok ok ok ok ok ok lol.
Could of fooled me, I would’ve never guessed the result of any of this.
A medium once told me last year that my parents are trying to weave or craft the best life for me and to keep writing. They are planting seeds for me.
Interesting how this is the second time I’ve seen her gardening.
Lastly she told me while looking at me, again, filtered so a bit what some would say is blurry, but still beautiful to me and I got her essence…
..that she loves me, a lot more than I ever thought or can imagine…
And that she’s with me all the time, even when I didn’t or don’t think so.
So technically she’s with me right now, as I’m writing this.
I originally dismissed this experience as a dream of some sort, but it’s interesting how it stayed peacefully strong in my mind throughout the week, regardless of time. Time did not have any effect on the memory of this “dream” like it does on other thoughts or “dreams” you may have in that state…
Then during one of my mental gratitude lists, a thought came to me that I’m grateful my mom visited me………
and than I was like..…..well that was interesting.….iss..that what that was….could it have been?…….maybe, if that just came to mind.
Whenever I “look back” on that experience, it just feels peaceful. The whole essence of it was of pure peace from the inside out.
It reaffirmed to me, that we all know more than we give ourselves credit for, if we just really listen to our inner truth, from the heart out, selves.
The answers are in the quiet within us.
Some questions I asked her, were simply answered with a look, and I’de receive a multitude of dimensions of answers from that one thing. I don’t want to say second, because I feel that we don’t measure the moment’s I felt, in time –it’s simply not in that realm, I didn’t feel it there.
It couldn’t fit in the restraints of what we know of as time. Besides time is so perceptual now a days, one word such as a “second” could mean a whole different feeling to each person.
A second in an amusement park, may go so fast you may not even notice, yet a second at the DMV –makes the moments where some of us find ourselves grateful for the saying that life is “short”.
Life being short, think about it, don’t we all have moments in life where we are like “short???” more like a sentence. Then there are times we look back at photo albums, and all of a sudden life’s short again.
As bright and shiny as I was as a teenager despite previous life events,
when someone would say “life is short” I’de think with a relieving exhale out “oh thank God”
I was bright and shiny knowing we should enjoy life, knowing our time is limited.
At the same time knowing what I signed up for definitely had an effect on me, just not letting it get the best of me. However always having an inner knowing that we are all here for a reason, a very important reason, and sometimes my way of getting through what I’ve been through is to have some spiritual humor about things because why not, life is about enjoying the journey, and having as much fun as possible carrying out your reason.
We are all here to spread cheer in some way or another again. We really shouldn’t be taking life so seriously. Do what you enjoy and enjoy what you do.
Remember that we all know a lot more, than we think we do. Just allow yourself to access it. It’s inside. We’re all operating and reacting from the outside noise in, when we should be proactively creating from the inside out –that’s when lasting changes happen.
I love you all and wish everyone the best awakening journey there is as we all continue to learn and be reminded of, what we actually may, already know. <3
About the Title: I believe that as much as they’re around all of us at all times, and I can’t wait for the day that we all know how to work with them. I also beleive that we are all of them, at the core, and that in each of us, is a spark of divinity that is us. After all we are from God, and what are angels, from God. God Bless us all <3