Freed

11230-freedom-girl

Well it’s been a time, I’ll tell you that.

I’ve basically been processing the closure of a huge part of my life, as some of you already know as twin flame.

I had to, for myself. Every time i bumped into him or had any interaction I’de end up crying. Finally my last attempt, whether I felt i was ready for it or not, was to wish him happy birthday the last day of January.

I really didn’t feel ready but I knew if I let that day pass, that one opportunity, well, at least this way I could say i tried, i lived.

No response; but my body and system had a response. I pretty much cried all of the next day and the day after, the usual. So i had to start processing the closure of that chapter, and really freeing myself to what I deserve.

It took a lot, but that’s when I started, and I started via a process known as Future Visioning. Future Visioning, pretty much works by instead of your past creating your present, your future creates your present. You envision your bright future, and really feel it, then take it from there, and via Law of Attraction you will automatically be on that road to your bright future. However this process, allows you to detox all of your past emotions that you did not let yourself feel, thus that are manifesting in your life without you realizing, either through a physical ailment or (most likely repeating) circumstance.

It allows you to really feel, go through, and thus purge past emotions. You feel a lot lighter at the end and of course are reminded on many levels, that you create your own reality, which truth permeates more and more each time. After forgiving yourself etc, it’s like your in a whole new world.

Valerie, my mentor, says, there are no bad emotions, only repressed ones. Thus this process actually accelerates and makes the best possible use out of, the law of attraction by really cleaning up your vibration so that when you feel joy, it’s the most purest joyous joy ever, thus producing such results, because now your positive emotions have a cleaner place to live, etc you see.

Anywayy, went through the process and so on. Now remember, my twin flame has been on my mind and in my heart everyday since the day i met in 2008, so this process may have some layers to go through.

Later on in the month I heard that there is actually a folder on Facebook (which is where i messaged  him happy birthday) where messages from people that aren’t your friends go. Him and I aren’t friends on there. Eventually I allowed myself to entertain the idea that not only could his reply to me be in there, or maybe he didn’t get my message, but maybe he messaged me while he was in Fl like he said he would’ve and those messages are in that folder as well that I never got.

Eventually on a Monday morning, last Monday morning in fact, I was ready.

I checked.

Not only were there no messages from him to me, but it showed that he did in fact see my happy birthday wish to him the day after his birthday, and didn’t bother to reply.

I took care of everything I had to take care of, got myself to the gym, and left the gym early.

To get in my damn race car alone, and cry, my fucking, eyes out.

I cried, so hard, for what felt like 20 minutes but was probably 10. It was a good, hard cry. One of those cries where I was really asking for God, and the angels, to be with me and please give me a sign, through the sobs.

Tears streamed down my face as I just wondered and ended up asking out loud between huge hyperventilating deep breathes why I am here.

After all, I’m the only one left of my family. My sisters in Canada somewhere doing her own thing, but parents, and everyone else on the other side.

I’m 29, and my life changed when I met my twin flame.

All the shit, that happened in my life, and all the shit that happened as a result of the shit that happened in my life, my taste in men that resulted from past circumstances, who I knew myself to be, all went out the window the moment i met him. It suddenly all seemed so miniscuel, compared to the big picture. And I was not aware (that I can recall) of ever knowing the extent of the big picture in this life, until that moment.

It seemed so familiar. So incredibly familiar. As if I hadn’t even felt the meaning of the word familiar until then. Life was in color for the first time, this life.

I didn’t have the words at 22, to describe what I was feeling, but it was magical, and felt awakening. I thought to myself while trying to surpress and intellectualize this process on the elliptical, before breaking out into my car, “Why do you like him so much, why him?”

You see I’m not known, to like men at all, who aren’t chasing me, I”m smarter then that. However the soul has nothing to do with ego and when I asked myself that, trying to coax myself out of liking him with logic, the answer suddenly came to me, because it was already in me:

because when I look in his eyes, I see home.

I wasn’t the only one either, he once told me while paused in a trance looking in my eyes. I asked him what, and he said with his eyes still wide open and stuck in mine……

….”Its like when I look in your eyes……time….freezes”

I broke gaze when he said that so as to not overwhelm him, we had a connection that was…beyond this world. I didn’t know what former lifetimes were then, nor the term twin flame, but when I saw him, I knew a lot -I saw the bigger picture, and everything made sense, yet there was a magical and gracious loving mystery about it, like I wanted to know more.

It as if saw life as a square, but then i was reminded for the first time since being born, that it’s actually an infinity symbol. All connecting, and compact, but limitless.

As if I thought my town was all there is, then I got a birds eye view of Earth.

Everything made sense at that moment, time slowed down or was on pause, but a lovingly magical one.<-that was my 1111 word typed in this article by the way

So one could understand how as “trapped” as I was limiting my future to only him, i didn’t want to be freed from that. Freed from what? Heaven? He was a portal into the divine truth. Meeting him reconfirmed my belief in God.

It was, to this day, the most magical thing I have ever experienced, in this life, by far.

Years later when I discovered the term twin flame, it was the biggest sigh of my soul’s relief because it was a safe place for my love to land, and described us perfectly. As i spiritually evolved, I learned of other lifetimes etc and am always thirsty for more information to learn and grow and inspire and be inspired.

However I’m 29 now and this guy won’t give me the time of day. Did i try? Some would say no, I’m scared out of my mind. I also feel like, twin flame or not, he’s still a guy and if he wanted to he could contact me. So as far as I’m concerned, he doesn’t want to.

It would’ve been amazing, if him and I could’ve gave it a real shot, and had an amazing and growing and magical life together, simply amazing. I’m in love with his soul, he is all I ever wanted since I met him. I’ve never felt like this towards anyone ever.

However, my self love and respect has grown, and I always said, yes I want marriage and kids, but more importantly with the right person. Well, if he never comes around, then maybe he’s not the right person.

Yes, he is my twin flame, but he’s a shitty twin flame! I’m a magnificent being, and if he is dumb and ignorant enough not to give us a chance, me the best thing that could ever happen to him? Then you know what, that is no longer my problem, I will not allow it, to be my problem anymore, that’s his own shit and it’s his loss.

I tried and I cried. I cried hard, harder then I’ve ever cried (aside from the devastation of my mom’s death, etc).This was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through, and I’ve gone through the list man I’ll tell you that. This was at a soul level, and I couldn’t understand, the point of it all.

As i cried and between sobbs bursted out with the questions of why am I here and what the point was, as soon as I asked the questions I would get answers,

“to help people”

and i knew that, but at that moment, I was so upset. I’ve been through so much shit, all I ever asked was for this one thing to go right. To please allow the one thing that feeds my soul to go right. After my dad’s death, mom’s death, getting hit by a car, multiple car accidents, getting ripped away from one’s i loved, and so much more, being what professionals called, the most resilient person they have ever met, You would meet me and have no idea any of this ever happened, and I wouldn’t tell people either, I didn’t see the point.

After having what I thought was contact with the divine after meeting him, my heart and soul just wanted one thing, for this, the most natural thing I’ve ever felt, to just run smoothly. It was as if I lived in a cubicle my whole life and was then out in nature after meeting him.

So, as much as I knew I was put here to help people, my soul, was upset. I dealt with all the other shit just fine, so i thought at least give me this i swear this is all I asked for, for years.

Hard to hear your here to help people, when you’re destroyed. So i let it out.

The tears, the years of frustration, the hurt he’s caused me, how I felt hurt from God, as if He played the worst trick, last time I felt this devastated was my mom’s sudden death when I was 11. I let it all flow out, and as I did I felt them with me. Through all the pain, devastation, hurt, and perceived abandonment, I felt multiple angels by my side, and I could swear on some level I could feel God listening.

They understood and they were with me, with view of the bigger picture that I didn’t have then, but they clued me in on it. I felt it. I don’t know what the future holds, but I felt a small innate knowing, that they mustve shared with me or that i felt they knew, that this is just in the moment, you’re here for a reason, and its all happening the way it’s supposed to, you’re here for something bigger, much bigger.

I felt and suddenly had the gift to see a small glimpse and know, I was very important in the process of the movement of society, that I was going to do something great with my knowledge, that will help heal and inspire others. I also knew that I didn’t know this yet, but was paying attention to hints. I didn’t know this, the way I will know this, but I listened and they were there for me and I love them for that.

As i pulled down my car’s sun guard visor and opened the mirror through the tears I saw my eyes. They were ice green, the lightest shades of bright green I’de ever seen, making the red marks of past pain pale in comparison to what my soul holds infinitely.

I took a couple deep breathes and had to go about my day, after all I was late for another doctor appointment, and  i felt a world better.

It felt as if you know when your sick to your stomach, nauseous, etc? Then when you finally throw up, you feel a world better immediately because you just detoxed and purged whatever was still in your system to make you feel this way?

The same way I never predicted my immense reactions from merely him not responding, there was no way I would’ve ever guessed I could feel that good, that soon. I’m not saying the feeling I had was amazing by most people’s definition, but the difference in the feeling definitely was.

I felt lighter, and observed with feeling after my soul’s deep breath “Wow, I’m still here and I’m still ok” then part of me thought “I’m more then ok i’m great”. I really thought I’de die in a sense, without my soul fulfilling mate, it felt like death, and yet i’m still here. I survived. Time to feed my own soul.

I just showed myself how strong I really am, if I can get through that, I can get through anything, it’s very freeing. Yes, he’s my twin flame, that’s true; but it’s also true that we create our own reality. What we believe proceeds, and what we feel becomes real. With that said, they can both be true at the same time, and with those laws I can technically fit into my consciousness that if it’s not him, someone better will come along.

After meeting him there was no room in my consciousness to ever entertain the idea of possibly ever fathoming someone better, i didn’t think it was possible, thus it never occurred in my mind.

However now with my new found self respect and self love, I deserve someone better. Thus either he’ll come around or that someone better will, either way it’ll work out for the best, because now I know how strong I am.

I am put here for a higher purpose, not just to be someone’s mate, i’m more then that. Yes i was upset because I felt jipped in life, because I believed i deserve my soul mate, and I do. We all do. We all deserve all of the amazing things life has to offer, whatever feeds your soul. However I realized after the last time he made me cry, maybe he’s not feeding my soul anymore.

It would be great if I could feed my own soul, how freeing would that be, and you know what feeds my soul? Helping people.

How I Met Your Future

-KrisTina Antosik

beautiful stars beach

There’s going to be a day when I’m going to be looking my kids in the eyes and saying,

“I know it’s very hard to believe, trust me I get it, but I’ve lived it; but yes there was once a time where people still existed, that chose not to believe they were the creators of their own reality. I can’t believe i existed in that time either, it seems so far away and yet it isn’t.

I didn’t understand my role during this time; how could I exist in a world that contained people that chose not to believe this? Well, apparently that’s exactly where I came in. I was part of a movement.

I felt the innate drive to share this basic info with them. Before this knowledge we were all under the impression that we were merely getting tossed around in the ocean of life, hoping an ore or lifesaver happens to float our way by luck or chance. Little did we know, we created it all.

The knowledge that one’s reality is a direct reflection of one’s thoughts, thus feelings and beliefs, was not only both ore’s, but the ship and the lifesaver itself to say the least. Finally, we’ve found the tools to create and navigate through this life that we’ve all found ourselves in, how do you not want to share it?

As soon as I learned it, I tried to share it. When I first learned it, I lived in an age where people weren’t so receptive of it. As insane as I inwardly thought they were, I had to be patient and just tried different approaches with them. I was literally throwing these people life jackets as they were drowning in their life, and taking them to shore, and they were like no, I want to stay in this problem.

I started to wonder what the f*ck. However, me trying to psychoanalyze human behavior, aka sometimes insanity, wasn’t going to help anyone because I was just never going to understand why, they wouldn’t want to realize their power to create and cure etc. I’m enlightening them to the magic we all possess and they said no. I’ll never understand that, I could create a comedy out of it. All I could do is get over the fact that i’m stuck here in a world with people that exist like that, and be patient and try different approaches.

And different approaches I tried. I clearly had to speak whatever language resonated uniquely to each individual for years. Exhausted as I was, it still fed my soul to do so. Then one day… people started to catch on.

I would exhaustedly and passively bait with whatever soul energy I had left or survived the years of people’s ignorance, and they would surprisingly bite and catch on. I was so spent I almost didn’t notice. (They were thanking me! Which wasn’t what I was looking for, but just the knowing that they got it, fed my soul enough, ) God Bless the movement.

What a sigh and sign of relief. I would’ve kept going anyway for it’s part of my life mission. I feel we all have a life mission to help the world in some way and you’ll know it when you find it, you’ll feel it (it’ll feed your soul).

However inwardly astonished I was at how when handing over the tools of life that once realized, will instantly change and save their lives and them rejecting it, my only guess is that they just didn’t believe in it. However why not try for one’s life’s sake? Isn’t each life worth it? They literally had nothing to lose, except for their ideal lives, if they didn’t try it.

As much as closed minds don’t prosper, its worth it in the end if you managed to reach something, very casually, without them realizing it, that opens their minds just enough, so that perhaps they’ll research it themselves, and change their lives.

You choose what you believe, you choose your truth, but i’ll tell you this, there are some laws on this planet you cannot change: gravity, and that what you feed your attention to grows in the direction of how you feel about it, aka the law of attraction.

So yes kids, there was once a time when people existed that chose not to believe that you create your own reality, while they created their own reality. What you believe, will happen. Everyday people are creating their own reality  through their thoughts and feelings, no matter what. If they choose to customize their reality to their liking, they can. My hope is, they will.

It’s happening everyday, all day, in every way. So either they choose to live by default, or choose to live on purpose. Considering we all have a purpose, I hope they choose the second option so as to live it out in the best way they can possibly conjure. Why not customize your life? We are only as far, as we allow our thoughts, feelings, and hearts, to take us.

Luckily kids, that time was once upon a time, thank God, because I, and many other awakened ones (aka fellow indigos, star seeds, twin flames, etc), that are growing by the minute, have assisted in the evolution of the planet. Because of this law, you will awaken to what you truly want, and everything else will follow and flow -it’s contagious.

Evolution and Ascension are contagious to the survivors.

So yes they’re was a day, where not everyone caught the f*ck on. However I knew that day, that I’de see the day, where the world has been enlightened on how we aren’t just a result of our lives, but how our lives are a result of us. I knew then, that I’de see that day (that I’m describing as if it’s now), because the day I wrote this is now.”

I’ve always found the lyrics to this song very powerful due to their truth and more importantly, the knowledge of it.

We go hideaway in daylight
We go undercover, wait out the sun
Got a secret side in plain sight
Where the streets are empty
That’s where we run

Everyday people do
Everyday things, but I
Can’t be one of them
I know you hear me now
We are a different kind
We can do anything

We could be heroes
We could be heroes
Me and you
We could be heroes
We could be heroes
Me and you
We could be

Anybody’s got the power
They don’t see it
‘Cause they don’t understand
Spinning round and round for hours
You and me we got the world in our hands

Everyday people do
Everyday things but I
Can’t be one of them
I know you hear me now
We are a different kind
We can do anything

We could be heroes
We could be heroes
Me and you
We could be heroes
We could be heroes
Me and you
We could be

We could be heroes
We could be heroes
Me and you
We could be

All we’re looking for is love and a little light
Love and a little light
(We could be)
All we’re looking for is love and a little light
Love and a little light

We could be heroes
We could be heroes
Me and you
We could be

1 World, 1 Heart #foundinNYC

nyc

A couple years ago I was in the subway station at night in NYC, getting lost while getting found like we all do in NY, when I heard the most beautiful tune I’ve ever heard, or at least in years. It struck a chord in me that hadn’t ever been struck, and awakened me in such a way, that was very timeless.

I felt in harmony with it, and was drawn to this beautiful music that was (clearly to me)straight from the soul. Luckily, it happened to be on the subway that I needed to take, otherwise I would’ve been led astray. However in that music I was found.

I don’t remember the exact lyrics but they kept leading to a chorus that went something like “or am I just talking to the moon?/…”, and the tune was, really something from the heart. As I looked around the subway, everyone was silent. Each person was only about an inch or less apart from the other; and yet they all usually couldn’t be seemingly farther away from one another, in terms of what they’re thinking, in these recurrent crowded situations. Everyone’s seemingly on autopilot, always.

Yet they all were silent; and with this music, I believe there was a mutual respect for the truth coming out of this singer’s soul, hence the silence. Whether they wanted to show it or not, each person’s soul leaked out even in the slightest, through their heavily filtered, usual, autopilot masks, that are worn by default. Everyone was touched, as I looked at them, I saw. We’d make eye contact and I knew it. I saw on them, that no matter what our profession, or how different our costumes may seem, that we all want the same thing. We all love, want love, and/or have love to give.

I had tremendous genuine respect for the most raw genuine passion seeping from this man in the most artistic way. He made love, or even the pain of sometimes being in love, or alone in love, beautiful. He really displayed the beauty of the human experience.

And as I looked at him, he sang happily, his words and sound touching my soul. He was in his element, and it was contagious to the entire, now unified, subway. His sound emitted his energy that was so genuine and from the heart, that it spread over the entire subway; and we all knew in some form or another, that at the core, we are all the same, beautiful, loving, creatures, that merely want love. In that moment, we were all stripped of our costumes and emotiCON’s that we wear everyday, con being the key word there, and we were all real, and present. It was beautiful.

The, what I consider a true artist, and I made eye contact as he sang and I got it. We connected. He looked at me knowingly, happily, and wise, like an angel would, his mind nodding. He was a beautiful display of life, and I hope my eye contact displayed appreciation for him; and conveyed to him that even though others may not show it, I got it. Although his energy was so perpetually happy and passionate he didn’t need anyone’s approval, he knew he was singing truth; but I wanted that light to always shine so I gave it genuine love that we all need in life regardless, and that we all deserve despite sometimes not so clearly, but he clearly did.

As I looked at him with utter respect for his passion, I saw myself, not just in him, but during times of my life. As he sang “or am I just talking to the moon/..?“I saw a vision of myself several years prior, paused outside of my childhood home in Mount Vernon in the snow at night while walking “home”(a room i then rented) yet searching for a sense of home. I remember looking at it, being the only one in a deserted street with 2 feet of snow, as it gently fell in the dark. I hadn’t lived there since I was 11, I was then in my early 20’s. It seemed like a different lifetime when that was my home, and in fact, it was my last home; when my parent’s were alive, when my sister and I lived in the same country, let alone under the same roof. I wondered if it was all a dream, the life i once had, the family I once had, the home I once belonged to. The only comfort or company i had then, was the moon and stars above me. They were in fact, the only thing/s that were the same or remained current, as that time.

I saw myself years prior in my former Mount Vernon apartment when I was a smoker. When I would hang out on a couch cushion on the kitchen floor of my 2nd/3rd story apartment. At least one arms outside of the window while gazing out at the moon every night, best of both worlds. I would look up at the stars and the moon, full of questions that they would somehow ease.

I saw myself, a few years later, before the first scene. In fact this next scenario caused the first scene… I used to record video’s for the sake of learning media and videography etc/an internship project. To practice, I recorded many parts of my life. During this time i met what I now know is, my twin flame, yet at the time the experience blew my mind. One video that never made it out, was one where i finally let my true emotions flow and allowed myself to feel my innocent and loving soul cry for this man softly. I had so much love for him that I never had for another, and that I didn’t understand because he was so mean to me, and yet nothing could touch that love I had for him. It was hard because I found him judgmental, yet my soul seemed to know different of him. I mean who wants to deal with this lol talk about complex, yet my love for him was the simplest thing I’ve ever known, and i then knew how beautiful simplicity could be. I never told him or showed him, anything he saw was a tough front of mine; but this video had my true soul leaking, and crying the true sorrow of unconditional yet hurt, love. All those times I sang to myself my soul’s private truth, wondering if it would ever reach him or if i was “just talking to the moon”.

All of these past incidents became current in a flash, to the surface of my mind, as I listened to the music of the soul, that resonated with me. We continued to have one of those unifying moments as I looked at him, that despite all of our different formulas of experience that make us, us, there is still something the same in all of us at the core. The energy would state, as eye contact graciously confirmed, how we both recognized at that moment, that we are all, one at heart.

stars-and-moon

Life Records

Hey, I just got done crying….a lot’s happened in the past few months.

I was just enjoying myself for once, by singing and recording (my true passion I tell almost no one about) and decided to delve into some old songs I loved as a kid, particularly the classic older mariah carey songs. I know all of her lyrics, to every song. This dates back to tapes.

Anyway being an avid Law of Attraction-er, I chose carefully the songs I wanted to delve into, so as to enjoy the feeling. Knowing that just by the enjoyment of the feeling, will bring more of that feeling.

What really brings the love&passion out in me like no other, is 1 thing, and that is, another secret of mine, known as my twin flame. I never speak about this to people, because unless they are a true twin flame and has met their twin flame themselves, they won’t get it. They won’t have the human capacity  to get it, I know I didn’t. Before I met mine, I thought that feeling was just something Disney made up. After meeting him I realized, that Disney now has a point. So does every love song ever made, I got it then.

I believe my twin has moved back from Fl. However when i saw him in a bar in September, not knowing that, i froze. His friend invited me over, but i nicely declined. I wasn’t sure what was going on since hee himself didn’t invite me over. I felt hee really wanted to see me, he’d come to me. Then i didn’t see him at all.

The next day felt like a metaphysical breakup. I started baking, the first string of many baked goods of the month for people. Dealing with what I was going through, i hung out with one of my party crowds I’de been trying to stay away from, in an attempt to grow up, better myself, and not to mention stay safe. How many times can angels save me from the same situation?

Anyway this time an angel came in the name of Kenny, a friend I went to Immaculate Conception School with, in Eastchester/Tuchahoe over 19 years ago, . This was the school i was attending, when my mom suddenly passed. The last i saw of her was in Immaculate Conception parking lot that morning when she dropped me off;  you know, before my sister and I apparently had ESP and “knew” something was up while attending separate schools yet looking for her in the nurse’s offices that we were taught never to go to, unless it was an emergency. Our mother had a very demanding job as the Assistant Dean of Cornell Medical college in the city; and that’s where she collapsed. Her last words were to her boss/colleage of 20 years Dr. Dan Alonso, the Head Dean of Cornell. He became a dear friend to my mom, and after my fathers death and his divorce, eventually fell in love with her on the down low. My mother’s last words to him were “Don’t let them take advantage of you”. He later became my guardian.

I noticed later in life how right after she died, i got into and drew inspiration from, Mariah Carey. I would sing privately to myself in my room. Now looking back, I realized she sent me someone to look up to, someone who would stay constant, through the many changes that were about to come.

Kenny now lives up around where I do, and is an SPCA cop. I bumped into him a year ago right after my twin flame moved, and I channeled my emotions into writing and poetry; thus was walking up the library steps to my Writing Club meeting. It was one of those days you don’t want to bump into anybody, no makeup, fresh from the gym, not in the mood, in your artist sphere; and yet of course I  hear my name being called.  Of course from someone I knew over a decade ago, from over 20 miles away, of course. He was looking great, had it together, and was seemingly professional; and I was, not.

Back to a year later, Kenny picks me up from this crowd, and makes me his girlfriend a week later. We’ve been together ever since however I still think of my twin flame everyday. Nothing will ever compare. It would be so convenient to just stay with Kenny, however, convenient for who? Conveniant for Kenny? To those around me? To my situation? Not convenient to my soul I’ll tell you that. No matter how much you try to hide it from yourself, your soul knows what it knows, and it will all come pouring out.

Hence today, singing along to a series of beautiful Mariah songs, until around the 4rth song when the lyrics were sooo on point, and hit me zoo hard, I couldn’t help but start crying.

I couldn’t help it, and I’m not sure why. Because it was in perfect alignment with how my soul feels? Not to mention perfect f*cking alignment to what actually happened the day i met my twin, 6 years ago? The lyrics to “When I saw you” were so damn on point, it was as if i wrote it myself…and then…it all came out…involuntarily

The beautiful incredibly perfect sequencing of such exact words went through my body as if it weren’t there, to to core of me, that was suddenly there, and present; having me tear, and i thought beautiful….and kept singing. Yet something was quickly welling up in my throat….because, it was so true…..true to the core of me. I didn’t just cry, I sobbed. I sobbed as if I’ve never before, for the remainder of the song. Damn, that’s truth.

And i let it record…..the way time records all of our emotions and actions, i let the it continue to record the raw emotion, the raw life. I let the recorder record my hearts truth, what my life’s been trying to hide.

Yes i know everything happens for a reason, and Kenny and I help each other out. I’m here to help him and so on. There are many people that you enjoy a time with in life, to do just that, and move on. We are all one and will all be together in the end anyway. However nothing like a twin flame.

I let the recorder record the truety of the moment. It’s weird times like this I’m reminded of my inner artist. I grew up drawing and painting etc, and like most artists, grew up to channel that energy into writing. Only an artist would do weird shit like let the recorder keep on recording as you’re crying through a song. Because sometimes it takes an artist to observe life in that way. That way that can look at a myriad of emotions, as an example of the beauty of life. Artists aren’t scared of their emotions, typically the way someone witnessing that would be, if they were to either from from it, or to it; in order to either fight or flight it.

Artists don’t try to change things, they merely observe things. I believe we all have a little of each, an inner artist etc, in us, to balance the other out. If you’re too pent up, embrace your inner artist. Otherwise sh*t like this happens, lol but luckily the inner artist comes out during this time to comfort you and tell you it’s ok. That its all a part of life. All a part of the bigger plan. The recorder recorded, what I know, is the realest thing I’ve ever felt. The recorder recorded, my soul’s pulse. The recorder recorded, life.

me to a tee, that first day I met him

“When I Saw You”

Soft, heavenly eyes, gazed into me
Transcending space, and time
And I, was rendered still
There were no words, for me to find at all
As I stood there beside myself
I could see you and no one else

[Chorus:]
When I saw you
When I saw you
I could not breathe
I fell so deep
When I saw you
When I saw you
I’d never be
I’d never be the same

Only once, in a lifetime, love rushes in
Changing you with, the tide
And dawn’s ribbon of light
Bursts through the dark
Wakening you inside
And I thought it was all untrue
Until there all at once I knew

[Chorus]

With no beginning and
Without an end
You are the one for me
And it’s evident
And your eyes told me so
And your eyes let me know…

[Chorus]

#queserraserra

Dear GPS

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Dear GPS,

What was that? I finally gave in and committed to you, after years of you staring at me in a store, when I had to drive my boss to JFK. I trusted you, and even made sure we got to know each other before the trip. Yet when I turned you on to get home from the airport, your bright light, which is really my eyes of the road at that point, suddenly went black while en route. Already in what seemed like a scene from “Die Hard” high speed traffic situation, I had to make the split decision to just rely on you for your audio for survival.

However when the traffic got heavier to the point where it was stop and go for the next few hours, this allowed me time to have a false sense of survival and hope that I could fix you, as well as many breakdowns that followed. You played such dirty tricks on me when I would try to adjust the brightness so I could see you, just for you to spontaneously adjust it back to black, as soon as you earned my trust back. Thanks for that, those were fun games. I know you speak in a female voice but are you really a male by any chance?

For some reason you think my life would be better guided if you had no light. I feel like I could hear you mechanically laughing as you over-dimmed it, each time into an  unseeable black abyss in my time of need. Again are you sure you’re not of male decent? And apparently you think my life would be better lived, if I resided in Chicago.

 I get you know more than me in certain areas but I am sooo sure I don’t live in Chicago. I checked my license, registration, and my mailing address, and they all came to an agreement that  I don’t live in Chicago. At one point I wish I did, just to make it easier on the both of us. I don’t know if your ex, sorry I meant, previous owner , did, but I don’t. I kept trying to tell you that nicely, by resetting my home in you, and well, you kept telling me differently to the point where I actually looked out my window hoping to see Chicago; yet just like I thoughhhtt, ;) I didn’ttt.  Girls, Always trust your instincts.

You know what else really smashes my M&Ms? How you also decided to go mute during my voyage back to what I later realized, was Chicago. So then I couldn’t see you, OR hear you. You’ve somehow caused me, to feel as if I went deaf, blind, and that I didn’t know where I lived, all in one trip/attempt back. Why am I finding myself rocking back and forth, wide eyed, wishing I lived in Chicago? I love NY what the fuck is going on?!

This ride back from the airport has somehow turned into a pilgrimage to Mecca, with what seemed like Helen Keller leading the way, except I bet she was nice. Wow how you’ve changed my life so quickly, in less than a half hour.

I‘m starting to think I mayyy have an idea of where the band “Rage Against the Machine” possibly derived their name from?….  Ya know it’s funny, I looked in my handbook when I finally made it home by some miracle, and did not see “I shot my Garmin” in the FAQ’s orr Warranty Coverage section. You know what you should come with a side of, though? Health Insurance. You should come with a side of Health Insurance for all the heart palpitations I endured on the highway, and the possible wavering safety of those horrified-looking people, that were unfortunate enough to be around me that day in traffic.

I just kept thinking and having an impulse to throw you out of my window during this argument, a hem I meant traffic, but couldn’t find a place that wouldn’t catapult you into another car in any way. I have to be honest though, (since I’ve clearly been holding back in this letter)…. if we were on a bridge, you would have definitely found your way toward the sea’s, after I sent you soaring out of the side of my car, as you would have probably said “Rerouting” on the way down.

During this first encounter, you then caused me to stop and really look at myself. As the song “I wana get better” played on the radio, it did occur to me that I was fighting with an inanimate object. This is why I never trusted electronics. How could humans put so much trust into things, that our source of life, kills? If electronics’ sources of life happen to combine with our source of life, then they could kill us! Is anyone thinking here? Whatever, either way we are clearly at an age where we are dependent on you things, and I evidently need to learn how to coexist better with you, electronics, clearly.

                The next day I went in my car and it smelled as if my gps had committed suicide. Then during my first peaceful moment of silence since the event, while parked at the post office to collect my thoughts and heal from the previous day, I suddenly heard a a loud voice break through the still silence from under the seat “ Take next ramp” …..….What? I dug and found you where I buried you, and you lit up like a Christmas Tree. Eager to help me when I no longer needed it….loud and bright as ever, helping me get back to my homeland, of Chicago.

-Kristina Antosik

http://youtu.be/o5osPtE7kXI

Mindgasms, Angelic Contacts, and 4D

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7/16/14

Mindgasms, Contact with Angels, and 4D

I’ve been hesitant to blog because I guess I’m sort of in transition. I like to blog when I’ve discovered a point, or at least have hit points in my journey; and I guess I’ve felt, that in a way I’ve failed my blogging audience spiritually. Then I need to realize, that nothing is by accident, and perhaps I’m not failing but doing my job in life, and perhaps the journey matters more than the destination.

I definitely stuck to not allowing contact with the last ex, but he definitely did not commit to the same. He showed up at my apartment, and I still would not let him in. However, after a loonng while, and me not wanting to leave things a mess as well, I gave in to letting him back in.

I did not ever agree to be back with him, I just hate leaving people with bad feelings. He said he’d take what he could get so being friends is better than nothing; and yet as a friend, he was offering me so much: my dream job back, the vacation, and a lot more deals in the works.

I kept saying to him that karmically I didn’t feel right taking such things from him. I’m friends with someone who calls herself a healer and is very hard on me for still knowing him and makes me feel guilty over it. However he reassured me that he knew the deal, and is doing these things because he wants to…

So I’ve been in a battle. Me, being the lead advocate and educator of the Law of Attraction, who continues to study it and learn something new everyday and evolve, is surrounding herself with someone who is nice on the outside, yet at the same time lowering my vibration.

There are things about him I can’t stand, and I’m trying to figure out the lesson in all of this. My psychic told me to go on vacation with him, life is short, yadi yada, its all fun. Part of me feels he’s been sent to look after me, and the other part of me JUST KNOWS we’re not a match.

I can like to think we’re friends all I want, but I’m exhausted from constantly setting boundaries and frankly, dealing with him. Yet sometimes the things he says, I wonder if he is the one? He seems to love me in such an unconditional way, yet I never thought it was genuine….was that intuition? Common sense? Or perhaps my life issues getting in the way…

I sort of know he’s not the one, because if he was, I’d feel something more back. I sort of tolerate him. Yes tolerate would be the average of my feelings for him. Sometimes I care for him as a person and appreciate what hes done, and other times I honestly wonder how such a being could exist….As if I was Darwin in a former lifetime and definitely freaked out that he is proving my theory wrong.

Then I feel I’m being too hard on him, but the minute I let up he’s crossed another boundary. I need to learn how to coexist with him. I wish there were clear messages coming from angels as to what to do.

Anyway no more words wasted on the petty details of such situations but what’s saved me from the depths of vibration he brings me to, is this new energy and feeling I’ve been getting regarding my Twin Flame.

Lately when I sleep, I wake up with tingly feelings from head to toe and very cold. These are signs of astral travel and a new concept I’m trying to shed more light on to myself called kumdelini. Apparently all signs of ascension. Yet now they seem to be happening when I’m in the waking state.

I’ll be walking in the forest, in silence, but feeling what it felt like to interact with my Twin Flame and expanding on that. All of a sudden, even though in the sun I would get chills, and goosebumps all over my body from head to toe. I would feel sooo happy but soo shyly cold if that makes any sense. I would feel elated, at peace, in harmony, as if touched by an angel and as if I could possible just float away, into the zone I belong in; I wonder if this is what they mean when they say 4d.

Then I was at the gym yesterday, doing the elyptical like always and listening to music like always. I use my music to create images and scenes in my head to match and possibly illuminate the feelings of the song. Well again it was a certain song….I believe Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay, and I kept feeling his essence, then mine with his, then ours –and my energy kept attempting this, more and more, feeling and retracting, feeling and retracting, until finally I don’t know if it took the leap or what but contact was made or something. Perhaps he was also thinking of me at the same time or some sort of synchronicity but I feel as if the only word I could describe it as would be a mindgasm.

It definitely was the same way an orgasm happens in the body, but in the mind. I felt tingles all up and down my body at a constant rate. My body felt sub zero but it didn’t bother me, I believe I was smiling but either way definitely effecting by this. My entire being seemed to be engulfed in this feeling and had goose bumps all over me. I wonder what it looked like from the outside because from the inside I felt I was about to lift off and float into 4or 5D  right there. I was thinking I wasn’t sure if ascension was a physical thing, until possibly now? I’m not sure what else this could’ve been and it was such a physical feeling caused by the inside of me and my soul, that I wondered if it was apparent to others. Would they notice lol if I just ascended, would I disappear? Perhaps I just went into a higher level of the universe like discussed in :   https://newagexperience.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/the-science-behind-loaquantum-jumpingparallel-universes/ where I think that possibly you can switch to any of the parallel universes out there depending on your feelings –Law Of Attraction, your feelings will paint and create your world and reality.

Prior to that, I’ve been getting a lot of signs from my parents (who are in Heaven). I’ve been getting a lot of signs I’m thinking are coincidences, yet also some where I KNOW. I know to the point where I have to pull over, and cry at the touchingness of knowing. It feels like contact of some sort, and I just have to cry knowing they’re with me. Crying is interesting, I’ve been crying a lot in my dreams lately. These cries I have when I know it’s angels, start of shocked and happy and touched, yet because I’m balling I think my mind starts to think I’m sad by the sound of it…

I also recently took a quiz that told me I am unintentionally telekinetic –which is funny considering I just always thought electronics sucked; and another that told me 10 out of 10 questions that told me I was an Indigo, which I’ve been told before however this definitely confirmed it.

So self learning always in progress, but what I really enjoy is helping others; and despite all this bs going on with my ex, I still seem to constantly find myself in situations where I really am helping others, like I needed to be there. It’s sort of comical, the girl that looks and seems immature, a product of her time and fighting with her boyfriend, is known to have an “angelic” personality to older people who seem to seek out and get advice from her. In other words I’m still doing my soul purpose while dealing with meaningless 3D drama. I wish I knew the right people so I could write a New Age comedic sitcom.

I woke up the other morning at 4:29 am and somehow knew it was a sign. I looked it up and it said the angels are guiding me on my path to being a lightworker. So instead of beating myself up, I’m going to forgive myself for being human and eventually giving in to having him in my life, and just hope and trust the angels that my highest good will come to me. I wish to keep my ex around but really just as a friend and helper, I wish he felt the same, he says he does but I feel he wants more, especially since he tells me. However I know I’m helping him as well so perhaps this is all part of my job….I just wish the best for all and hope it all works out for all of us, and remember there are no such things as coincidences, everything happens for a reason, pay attention.

p.s. If anyone else has been having any similar experiences regarding what might be 4or5d or what I described, please feel free to share in the comments, I really think people need to start talking about this before they just feed the pharmaceutical companies more money by mistaking it for circulatory problems lol

http://youtu.be/zp7NtW_hKJI

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Meatballs and Mercury Retrograde

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Meatballs and Mercury Retrograde

By KrisTina Antosik

I recently broke up with someone who wanted to marry me and who my Italian family in Mount Vernon loved. Why did they love him? Well if you know anything about Italians and just read the first sentence you’d know…cause he’s Italian. He could’ve been a serial killer, similar to my past boyfriends, yet because he’s Italian, he’s like one of their own.

My typical type is Italian as well, however I’m spiritual enough at this point in life to focus more on the eyes of the person rather than the breed of them. Never the less, I still seem to attract mostly them, probably because being half Italian myself, we’re the same kind of crazy –but not completely. For instance I’m crazy enough to attempt to talk about and explore my mind about what’s beyond the stars etc, yet if I were to ask any of my boyfriends that, they’d probably respond with “What the fuck does that matter, how are those meatballs doing?” paired with a hand motion and De Niro-looking expression.

I broke it off with the most recent one because he was about to pay for tints for my car, and an entire vacation for the two of us to a place I’de always wanted to go: Disney, ya know given I barely had a childhood and all. Some that didn’t have much of a childhood, become hookers, while I still have a longing to see what Disney looks like, at age 28 –you’ll likely fall into one of those two categories, or drugs. Which, if you blend the last two options together, doesn’t sound like suchhh a bad idea, -if I were a drug addict that is. If I were a drug addict, I’d rather see Mickey on acid, then my pen at home, is all I’m saying.

Anyways, knowing he wasn’t the one, and allowing him to pay for such things, wouldn’t have felt right. Oh, and I was 90% sure he was gay. The other 10%, was left for miracles. I love gay people; I just don’t want to marry one, just based on the sheer fact that I’m not one.

Wish I was, but I’m not. Hey if being gay was a choice, I’d choose it. It’s hard being a hetero now a days. Hard to find anyone who’s the same amount of hetero as you, and I’m sick of dealing with men. No offense to men, I love you guys, which is why I keep you all as friends –for your own safety really (jk).

My family in Mount Vernon did not think he was gay….Of course not, he’s Italian, how can he be gay. I don’t know for sure, if he was gay (there is that 10% I left for miracles) but here’s what I do know: I don’t have time to marry someone who is coming out in ten or more years, leaving me where? To write award winning books about the experience? Not so much, because by then, so many people will be in that boat at that point, it’ll have it’s own genre “Former Wives Looking at the Open (and now empty) Closet” genre.

Back to the present, I went down to my family’s house on Sunday for father’s day. For those of you that don’t know my parents passed away when I was young, yet these people helped take care of me and think of me as family, and they’re the closest I’de ever had to family myself so God Bless; so keep in mind throughout this writing, that I love them dearly.

Also keep in mind, what many soul-readers know, that “Mercury Retrograde” is occurring from early to mid June until July 2nd according to cosmologists. I’m not entirely sure what that entails, but from what I do know, it has to do with the positioning of the moon and heightening people’s emotions. So what would that do to an Italian family per say?

 Well, maybe since they’re emotions are naturally heightened by default, perhaps it would go in reverse and I would walk into an apartment of candles burning, calming music, and my family all in  Ghandi-get-up’s, sitting cross legged in a circle surrounding one meatball to split –spiritually enlightened to the fact that now that’s all they need.

Orrr…..…I’de have to discreetly walk in there with a machine gun in my back pocket, just in case a scene from Scarface breaks out, in order to protect them from eachother. Either way, as an Italian you gotta do, what you gotta do, and so I went. It was pretty much the second Scarface scenario, just replace the blood with marinara sauce and we have ourselves a deal, as to what that scene resembled.

There was one quiet moment at the dinner table, because I guess every war needs a break, or moment of silence to some degree; in which I said “Ya know, there’s something going on right now called Mercury Retrograde, and it goes until July 2nd, but this is why all this is happening…the pull of the moon or something causes chaos, so it’s not you guys”…..

…………..

I picked up my head from the pasta I’d been stirring around since I was full, to see everyone staring and chewing blankly at me, and Linda the woman of the household, sitting right next to me looking at me as if I’d morphed into some sort of Anime, except imagine that expression, but frozen. Big Bob the man of the household finally broke the silence by asking me what I was selling.

Then all the women chimed in and told me to eat. I swear Italians just push diabetes on you. It’s like Carb-Central every Sunday and when you almost eat a normal amount they think you suddenly came down with a case of sudden anorexia. I don’t know how some of them stay so thin, maybe they eat that much on Sunday’s because that’s their food for the week. I actually did move to Florida one time, and did come down with some “anorexia” as people call it, and now I know why. It was PTSD from this sh*t.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for all of it, but My God, and God Bless really, I love them all very dearly. Although sometimesss I wonderrrr how much they really love me in return…. Not that I would ask for anything in return but here’s an example.

They loved Joe, that was my most recent’s name. I’m glad they remembered it, because to me, you might as well have called him Joe Schmo. We’d be 3 weeks into the relationship and I still could barely remember his name. You see he chased me for a year and became my friend when I was getting over someone else, and he was so nice to me that I eventually agreed to be in a relationship with him because ya know, he wasn’t on America’s Most Wanted. –As you get older you’re standards seem to lower; but I’m not sure mine should’ve lowered this much, he really could’ve been on America’s Least Wanted. He’s 10 or 11 years older than me, and although he was nice, had the maturity level of a Toys R Us kid, the body shape of a beanie baby, the masculinity of a Barbie (which I didn’t even play with growing up, I was more of a Pound Puppy type of girl), and an overall resemblance of a platypus. Not judging, we all look like some sort of animal I feel. Anyway my family just loved him, loved him, adopted him as their own. Meanwhile they only met him twice, but the first time was enough. Because we all know, it only takes one time to know, if someone’s Italian.

They trusted him with my life. Big Bob even said this past fathers day, “you know, you coulda had a ring with Joe…” and I’m thinking yea, that’s why I ran. Anyway my newest thing is to not recycle everythinggg. I always thought it was ok to keep exes clothing to either save it if we were friends to give back to them, or use them as rags to clean my house. Well in accordance to what I’ve learned with energy etc, the real process of letting go in order to let new in, is to throw out their sh*t. Thus, I was throwing out all of my exe’s sh*t, until I came across Joe’s Yankee sweat zip up jacket.

It’s a really nice jacket and honestly it’s Yankee’s. I can’t throw out Yankee gear, it’s against my religion lol in a sense. Thus, I did the only thing I knew possible to do, hand it over to the Yankee King, the one responsible for brainwashing me enough to even be doing this, Bobby. Bobby is only a few years older than Joe, and has been a big brother figure to me since I was 2 months old. This is Linda and Big Bob’s son, he also has an older sister named, guess..Maria whom I love as well. Maria had a son named, guess, yes Anthony –whom I consider my nephew. Either way, I went to give the jacket to Bobby, and Linda chimes in that  she “does not want it in the house”.

Now these are the people who supposedly loved Joe, I told her it’s ok, just wash it then Bobby can use it. She was very hesitant and it wasn’t because of why I broke up with him. I could’ve said “Joe tried to murder me” and they would’ve been like “ Idk, Kris, …..idk, wish you kids would just work it out” or “but whyyy did he want to kill you Kris…think about that, and maybe hide the knives the next time

Now all of a sudden “We don’t know what kind of germs he has!”…….lol so wait.

See this is the stuff stand-up comedy is made out of.

Standup comedy, consists of events that initially traumatize the person, yet that person chooses to digest it, in such a way, as to not poison their system. They can either choose to feel negative about it, or make fun of it. The situation is usually so ridiculous; they are faced with a Y in the road per say, either cry at the absurdity of it, or laugh at the absurdity of it. Comedians choose to use it for good, is what I’ve come to realize.

So wait, they were ok with that man entering parts of his body into mine –cause let’s face it we’re not all growing up in a nunnery and they weren’t born last night. Yet they weren’t ok with Bobby wearing a jacket of his, after it’s washed thoroughly?

I wanted to say to them “So you were ok with me combining DNA and making minions with this man, and me having to stare at these mini beings that looked like him, my whole life, and allowing his offspring to primarily take over my life for the rest of my life, but if Bobby so much as brushed on his sweater passing by ‘omg Bobby take a shower!’…..do I have that right?”

But I thought nahh, Mercury Retrograde and all that, I’m not going to bring it up. Yet Mercury Retrograde is still going on, and I still can’t help but wonder….”You wanted me to start a blood-line with that guy? The same guy you won’t let your son borrow a sweater from?” Sometimes the only way to heal, is with humor. Yet the sad part is I’m not even sure if I’m joking when I say this, but in their defense, maybe they too, innately knew he was gay. It’s sad when that’s the last line of where your life isnow, and what’s even sadder is when that last line, brings you relief.

http://youtu.be/TlGkpZgYw0k

The Science Behind LOA/Quantum Jumping/Parallel Universes

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This is a 2-parter. The first part is for the soul, the second left to science.

For more and more we are discovering the blurred lines between the two.

4/30/14
“Let’s Call it Fiction, For Now”
In that, this has all actually happened. However until the “New Age” is completely transcended to the later part of the “Golden Age” I’m not sure these writings/scriptures of the soul, can be released to the public on account that people may not be ready for it –and when people aren’t ready for something, they put it into other boxes or categories of thought until they are. Categories usually later deemed as inappropriate and actually found to be quite the opposite of the truth or point.

If every artist colored within the lines, where would we be?
If no one ever broke barriers politically, where would we be?
We are constantly evolving, and this my friends, is the new age -welcome.

This feels like mental masturbation in that, it feels so good to think, write, or feel about this.
I got a couple insights today…
Everyone that knows my blog, knows about the vision I had in 08 that seemed like more than a vision, seemed interactive, and seemed very shared by who I later realized was my “twin flame” years later. This was realized when I discovered there was actually a term for what I just thought was, true love.
If you’re not familiar with this vision, here it is: https://newagexperience.wordpress.com/2013/07/16/twin-flame-gets-real/

It was, what later events led me to believe to be, a shared vision. Where I felt every cell of my being purely love every cell of his being; and it actually goes much farther above and beyond that, into what might be the future, if you read the link.

I remember each time we had together like it was yesterday. Time doesn’t seem to play a part or have an effect on us.
I remember when he was in my apartment last August….it never matters what job him or I have or what structures we find ourselves in, our souls will always connect, because our cores remain the same –forever growing/evolving, but forever correlating with one another, in harmony.
I’m constantly and peacefully trying to awaken him to what happened years ago and that it actually happened, without sounding …like one of those categories people are put in when not understood.
As unsure as I may come off about this experience, my soul always knows and the confidence of my soul’s knowing pours out all around him, surprising even my character.
As we mingle with one another playfully, I’m paused and time is irrelevant. He eventually asks/inquires –possibley without words, either way I felt the peaceful need to express why I was paused and looking at his skin.

“……You ……have freckles….” I say
“yea” he says in an obvious tone….”I always have”
“….I….never knew…..” I stated, as he seemed a slight bit surprised while seeming a bit more confused as to why that matters.
Smiling and slyly I said nonchalantly, “There are just things you learn about someone as time goes on that you didn’t know before” trying to fit my revelation into the norm of now….

”like the fact that my hair gets curly and dark when wet” I said matter of factly, then he started to slightly perk up “–really?” He said, almost as surprised as he said it the first time 5 years prior…
“Yes” I said peacefully and knowlingley, ignoring that I should’ve been feeling a feeling being in a time warp where I remember something he once did, and he doesn’t remember me telling him this prior. Yet again, time is irrelevant when it comes to twin souls.

Here’s where I changed things in my vision. As I’m listening to amazing music that relates, treading on the elliptical, and creating music videos and visions in my head as a form of meditation, I then continue the tale of the truth –with what could’ve happened then, what my soul wants to do now.
In reality, we just had a few indefinite moments of “time” where it possibley sank in.
Yet in my vision now,
I said his beautiful-and-natural-to-me name,peacefully and lovingly and lovingly grabbed his chin with one hand and soft movement and let our eyes connect. As “time” drifted into non-existence and our eyes looked deep into eachothers, I’ve never seen so deep into someone’s eyes to be able to see what could’ve been infinity. Infinite past lives, possibley the future, times together, a history, story, emotions felt and about to be felt, our connection and intense passionate and happy love through it all, movement, recognition, we recognize eachother so simpley yet more to it –and there’s the hook –yes.

The hook that says and knows, he’s recognized me too. For what I was seeing, wasn’t just into him, but a reflection of us and me as well, a reflection of divine infinity. For if he wasn’t who he was to me, a twin flame, I wouldn’tve been able to see all of that. The knowing that he also was experiencing it, because our worlds were experienced together, we are a reflection of the other. There’s a knowing there, how I know this I don’t know, but I know it through feeling –the same way any soul knows anything. The only feeling that bleeds genuinity, truth. He also wouldn’tve been able to see all of whatever he experienced in me, if I wasn’t his twin flame; and this is one of the definite ways, twins truly recognize each-other.


The Science Behind the Law of Attraction/Quantum Jumping

When I walked out of the gym, I was in such a high from the closeness I felt with him….that I had an experience that I’ve had many many times before in my life, that now makes sense to me…Where everything looked the same, on paper per say –yet looked completely different from my perspective.
There have been times in my life, where I’ll be somewhere, anywhere, that is usual or normal to me, and yet I inwardly feel a little –as people would call it, “disoriented” in that. I’ll know my way around, just not asss familiar, or not in the same way I should say, that I knew moments prior. If I were to trying and translate this feeling into the physical, it would be like having the shoes on the wrong foot, or writing with your non-dominant hand. You can do it, but its different. Everything feels different, however it’s the world you know, but now you know it differently.

Thus, I got to my car, got in, yet with this new feeling/perspective on life, I had an idea of how to get out of the parking lot, and which way is the best to go home, but it wasn’t as routine/autopilot as it was the day before… or even as it was when I got there. The parking lot now looked the way it did years prior when I used to go to Chili’s there, different, then the way I’m used to it looking/feeling from when I first started going to the gym there. This may be due to the fact that perhaps when I was going to Chili’s years ago with friends I was feeling happier, say a level 7, vs the way I’ve been feeling in my transition and graduation from another growing part of my life and perhaps had to start the next level at a 3.
Well with my visions and ideas putting me on a high, I was close to feeling more of a 7 vs the 3 I was used to from starting my newest level of growth.
See we’re constantly evolving and going up in levels of experience and spiritual growth and graduating in knowledge every day. But each level has a gradient of emotional levels in it. The same way you were in 8th grade and the head of your middle school, yet the next year you were in 9nth grade yet the runt of your high school, yettt all the while you were still excelling. Just because you felt inferior in your highschool at that time, did not mean you weren’t excelling in life. Feeling inferior in high school yet at the same time you still knew on some level you were better there, than you were in middle school.
So being at emotional level 1 or 2 or wherever you start out on whatever level you graduated to, while being temporarily uncomfortable just due to the mere transitional period of change, you still innately know you’re on the right track and it’s better than being at emotional level 9, of the previous level/plane of growth knowledge.

What also relates to this is, they say whenever you “lose” anything, it’s because you switched universes or was knocked into a parallel one. This is also another way of looking at it. That’s exactly what’s going on when I say things feel different.

Why wouldn’t you remember where you put your keys? Because you’re mind was elsewhere either when you put them down, orrrr your mind is now in a different place then where it was when you put them down. The reason your mind is in a different place, is because you got distracted by a thought, which had a feeling, which brought you into a different universe –which also may have been what was going on, when you put them down initially (your mind being elsewhere) and possibbley transferring you to a different universe depending on the nature of your thoughts. Your Consciuosness creates your reality. There are multiple realities going on at once. You’re mind chooses which one your in, depending on the feeling/ nature of your thoughts.

I understand this may sound overwhelming, but it’s not. When you let the dust settle and allow all the words to digest into the meaning, it will eventually make simple sense after a while.
Once it starts to sink in it will also become a relief when you realize that you have control over your world. The amount of control you have over your world is directly correlated to the focus/control you have over your thoughts and feelings, or really your ability to feel the feelings you want to feel.

Choose the ones that make you feel good, after enough time of this, things will start to change. It gets better with practice, like an exercise, except for your brain+heart, and that feels good.

Trumping Twilight

Image

from the Twin Flame poetry collection ,written last year

derived from real experiences

 

Trumping Twilight

by KrisTina Antosik

 

Your eyes represent eternity to me

Your face, a comfort in which my soul can lay

 

I would take a connection with you

In exchange for my entire life

For a connection with you

Is what makes me feel alive

 

A writer is a writer

Yet how can one convey

A beauty beyond words

Exceeding what any language can say

 

How to describe

Sight to your ears

Hearing to your eyes

Some things words cannot come near

 

How to explain

A sixth, seventh, or eighth sense

With the five that remain

While still relaying the true essence

 

Love is a universal language

Yet conveying the essence of pure love

May seem foreign to the average

 And yet crucial to some

 

Loving you is what comes natural to me

And fuels my entire existence

It makes sense of my entire life you see

And leaves all other possibilities to resistance

 

If time and space

Are dependent on our minds

Then when and where are you

I’ve been waiting for a sign

 

Until I realize

You’ve been with me all along

I can see you with my heart

and hear you in my song

 

If I were to die Tuesday

My only wish would be

That before I left this entirety

you knew you are my purest sincerity

 

I loved you before

And I’ll love you again

This next lifetime

And the timelessness within

 

All I know

Is if there’s still life in me

It’s because you are present

And are the reason for my being

 

I’m not co-dependent

Nor wish to be

I just know the difference

Between existing and living

 

Twilight has nothing on me

Because this surpasses

Even that realm of reality

Into the one of infinite possibilites

After All

from the Twin Flame Poetry collection

written September of 2013Image

 

After All

 A Twin Flame Poem

Written by KrisTina Antosik

 

 

I feel you

When you’re not there

And to my spiritual lungs

You are my air

 

You breathed me into life

With your presence

Which seemed to continue on

With your body absent

 

Physicality needn’t be a necessity

For your presence to exist

-for you could suffer a fatality

And I’d still feel you in my midst

 

Others seem to perceive

 Your eyes are to be brown

Yet to me, they’re a prism of possibilities

That I would call home

 

When I met you

It was every type of love I’ve ever felt

Experienced all at once

Sprinkled with a little something extra

From beyond

 

That was 5+ years ago

&I often wonder if you have any inkling

That I’ve thought of you every day since

And my feelings remain the same

 

You told me you were moving

&I seemed unfazed

After all, we never needed physicality

To connect through this haze

 

I kept cool, like I always seem to

Acting like none of it mattered

After all, I only actually saw him every so often

-Yet when I did I noticed a pattern..

 

I would experience a sense of calm fulfillment

That seems so natural

 And we would rest in each other’s aura

And realize this is where we should be after all

 

After he moved

It hit me like a ton of bricks

I was numb and robotic for a couple days

+chalked it up to being sick

 

Yet through the sobbing

It became clear

I can’t even fool myself

This love was legit and sincere

 

I caught a blurry glimpse of myself

Through the tears, in the mirror

+Although my red eyes screamed pain

The sheer passion and love became quite clear

 

At that exact moment

A part of me saw the beauty in this

That the self-lessness and incredibly pure Love I have for this man

Is simply gorgeous

 

Love is timeless you see

Love defies and lacks logic

Allowing your soul to run free

and your playful side to frolic

 

Looking for an end to true love is like

 Looking for completion in the outline of a ball

It’s becoming quite clear to me

That there is no after all

After all 

  

(KrisTina Antosik is currently in the process of working on an

 inspiring, comedic, moving, unique, and revolutionary memoir)

 

©KrisTinaAntosik2013All Rights Reserved