title self explanatory lol
My soul’s pulse, the aftermath of the vision
Last night was ….wow as I begin to write this I look at the time, which I have barely done all day… 1:11
Last night was amazing in that I had many real visions of him, the real him. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him, its amazing my mind could come up with such a clear picture of what he looks like….Normally I just have a blurry idea, this was like live motion picture.
I’ve been writing to certain people, who I know may actually know what that “vision” was I (and I’m almost definitely sure him) had back in 2008, that I still remember so clearly, thank God.
It’s been ungoogle-able ever since and I just don’t know what it was. A dream? I was awake….and so was he….when he came back from vacation, the way he phrased it when he asked me was… “…Hey, this is going to sound just soooo weird but, when I was away, …did you have any …not dreams….but…..visions of any kind??”
As I shifted the car, I was like “yea actually I did” and he got really excited and said “wow, imagine if we were telepathically speaking?!?!” and I was like “lol, yea imagine” as I shifted out of the spot, I remember that moment like it was yesterday. Things like THAT make me think, we had that vision at the same time, not to mention, the energy was too strong to not, I never had a “vision” or dream of that nature ever in my life before.
At the time I don’t think I thought it was possible, orrr I was just sooo preoccupied with everything else it didn’t sink it –Ironically, considering once it hit me, it’s all I’ve ever thought about ever since.
Anyway as time went on..and him not really responding to me attempting to hint at it –I don’t know if it’s because I downplayed it the first time, or he assumes it wasn’t me in there based on what happened to me afterwards in our “real” life, where I got hyped up on energy drinks, I just don’t know.
Thus I started to wonder if it’s just me, was it what I was going through at the time…if I’m not meant to be with him (which all of me is sure of that I am, yet everyone else is stating obvious facts that, combined with years of now being lonely or him not being around are starting to weigh on me) then what was that vision for?? What was it
Well, I try to conform to human standards of what everyone else thinks and wants, yet the more I do so eventually my soul will leak out, in a glorious release of tears through the numb robotic façade I had created of myself in order to conform to such societal human standards. The tears feel great, as they show the robotic façade did not completely, almost but not completely, kill me. I’m not dead yet, well we never die but that’s a whole other chapter for those who haven’t had the advantage of learning what I have yet.
The tears come in a flood, when I’m alone, sometimes after jogging in the woods. It feels good, to be in truth, to feel alive. There, in that moment, Is my soul’s pulse. Allowing itself to breathe after being constricted and buried down by trying to ignore such angelic signs and bypassing them as something others would probably diagnose.
That’s what they do you know, they diagnose our gifts.
After years of this and almost getting to the point where I try to give up again, since I’m now 28 and I wish I could, I almost wish my soul would allow me to give up on the dream of him and I since let’s face it –let’s look at what everyone else is throwing at me, hard facts –he hasn’t contacted me etc.
However my soul knows different. Through dreams we connect, (http://newagexperience.wordpress.com/2013/07/24/twin-flame-july-2013-dreamconnect/ http://newagexperience.wordpress.com/2013/10/24/prequel-to-dream-post/ )
and that’s where my soul runs free. However, like I said, I’m 28 now, living in a dreamworld isn’t going to make kids. So as I try to forget again, and go against the grain of my heart with the way everyone else is going and putting pressure on me to go….I find some other loopholes.
2014 is a fabulous energy. It’s given me almost 2 possible answers to what happened to me in 08, when I’ve gotten almost nothing since then.
Lindy Cowling and I have been communicating because after seeing one of her video blogs about Twin Flames etc, she mentioned some things I have never heard of nor learned yet, which is what I’m always looking for..
She mentioned her Twin Flame and her have the ability to travel to different places in space and time, former lifetimes together etc I guess anywhere they’ve been together.
Now the only other thing I’ve heard close to this, was that the lady at the Pix 11 NYC Expo, who told me I was an “indigo” was amazed and told me maybe I went to a place in the future and to keep the faith, stay positive.
Thus, I wrote to Lindy, who I saw last night wrote me that I may have entered another place in time, like a “timeslip”…
As I looked up “timeslip” I came across another video blog and listened as this nice lady went on about parallel worlds, realities, etc and how we can slip from one to another…
As something she said really resonated with me, I actually went to look at the screen. (usually I put these things on and do something else while I listen, hoping maybe I’ll learn something but sometimes/usually its stuff you already know at this point).
Finally something different yet so on point, I looked up at the screen.
Tears came to my eyes as to how much she looks like my mom…I took it as a sign, as I heard mediums say at times, that when you think you see them, its them communicating with you, in a sense it is, them.
I wrote to her and am awaiting her answer.
I get that we choose our own realities, I’ve been studying the art of manifestation since 2008, however let’s face it –where’s my Twin.
As I wrote manifestation writings last night before bed, I started to string together and finally learn perhaps why things played out the way they did..That was real what I saw, and so is everything I’m feeling, it was probably a glimpse into the future so I had something to hang on to until that happens, considering it wasn’t the right timing for us –we both had things to learn, as well as things to do..
Every time I went to the mediums etc at these expo’s or that my friends knew, they said the same thing last year –You have more important things to do, before you get together.
Now, as I wrote that last night it clicked. I have all my ducks in a row now. I have about 5 projects I’m working on, one of them being a book –that maybe if I had been distracted by the bliss of true love I wouldn’t’ve been focused enough to do. Plus, he’s a separate person, let alone a male, who I also think had stuff to learn, we both did, so when we do get together we are already on our paths to changing the world and we are also better for each other.
The real me is starting to come out now as well, I used to think the idea of needing another is just purposteriuos , I have myself, psshh who cares. I think being around a lot of other people who think the opposite, and also almost being tricked by people I dated of the opposite etc, makes you almost fall for societies co-dependent tricks.
Obviously I’de love to be with my Twin Flame, but I definitely learned in the past year time frame, that I don’t want to settle for less then that, nor deserve any less than that.
Yes natural Kristina’s back, Thank God, common sense has showered its amazing presence and I feel great. I don’t need to conform to societies beleifs that you need anyone, just to be yelled at for feeling “lonely” ever –what an abusive system.
I’m really the opposite. I’m just fine on my own, but would thoroughly enjoy the prescense etc of my Twin Flame (or something better, as they teach us to say in LOA basics)
People remember to be, who you realllyyyyy areee, not what you’ve been taught, programmed or trained to be. Don’t fall for any of these tricks the media does to society, thus society does to you. Change you by being true to yourself, and one at a time, society will change right along with you. Let’s create a good domino effect for once, a heavenly one…
December 26th 2013 Notes on last night.
-Please excuse the grammar, spelling, and writing, these are just notes-
Last night I probably went to bed with a fever. I was really out of it the day before, had 1.5 beers but had been taking medication to subseed symptoms, soar throught, chest, weakness. I took half a dose of Nyquil and as I woke up to I guess take the other dose, I remembered something.
An image was in my mind. The head was similar to one of a “greys” like ours, except bigger on top. Eyes were also much bigger then ours while nose smaller, as well as any trace of mouth. I didn’t see hair, and the skin color was one of a light coral perhaps. Looked like a skin color, but redder than ours, and the texture was firmer, maybe tougher. His/her eyes were beautiful.
As I looked in them, they were green yet changing, the way mine do, then to a lighter green. I don’t remember any spoken language or verbal communication, but one of feeling.
I automatically felt very safe with this being, and very touched. I knew they knew a lot more than us, and knew they loved us. They are like us, but better lol I felt as if this being was guiding me in some way, our visit could’ve been seconds or hours, but definitely stood on it’s own in terms of feelings and dreams, it had separated itself into some sort of experience.
I trusted this being a lot, and as I looked more into his/her eyes I started to wonder/realize if this was my future self. However whatever this race was, seemed so much wiser, better than us now. Then parts that got fuzzy as they drifted off into the realm, beyond where my conscious memory can reach, were also comforting. I felt standing next to them, that I knew nothing compared to them. They took me under their wing lovingly, and very gently, knowing more about me then I knew about myself. They were teaching me things, in such a gentle way, my mind accepted it like a cat drinking up milk. They loved me and I loved them. I was marveled. I remember thinking that this was huge, but somehow knowing that the next day I was going to act like/feel like, it was normal; like bypass it as some sort of dream or something.
I remember almost now knowing if aliens are real, what would happen to the idea of angels, they’re still there right? Or are they the angels, is this what angels look like, what have I been praying to every night, how do they relay to one another/co-exist..
Which is weird because I remember thinking at one point in “reality” that people did not want to accept the idea of possible other beings out there like aliens probably because they would then think that if they exist then their religious beliefs could not, which I thought was probably ridiculous and there was probably most certainly a way for them both to exist.
They were us, but better.
Is the thought that kept repeating to myself during this experience. They’re us, but better. It was, to me, like an alien and human combined. I wonder if this is what they mean by hybrids…
They were all knowing, and watched over us –which is how we also describe angels no?
That mustve been what confused me, if that was their place, where did the angels fit in?
-They showed me a grid, an energy grid that ecompassed the whole planet of Earth, and how everything is controlled by that. Anything you want can be yours, based on what you put in the grid. You can have any life you want, simply measured by your ability to know and customize what your putting in this damn grid, that everyone, and I mean everyone, is participating in whether they realize it or not. There is an actual grid, it’s no longer just a figure of speech that I once contemplated is as possibley being. I saw a lot of things, us humans usually can’t visibley see. Metaphysically, like energy fields and stuff surrounding everything. We really are so much more then the physical, I felt as if I saw emotions around things, in the state of colors. I saw how we are all connected, and colors surrounding all of us, that in this “dream” I always knew was there for some reason.
I felt as if they were taller then us, bigger then us, but in a better shape. By their proportions, they were slimmer. They all seemed to be the same shape. I don’t remember genders. Their skin I recognized as ours, however it was different like I said, maybe thicker, tougher, rubberier, redder, but definitely it registered to me as people skin for some reason.
They were like us, but better.
So friendly, I wish we were that way. I felt like a 3 year old standing next to, the most loving and nurturing family members you’de ever (most certainly I’ve ever) experience. They know us, they love us. They’re so incredibly understanding, and know what we don’t.
They’re like us, but better.
-see what happens when you don’t take the full dose of Nyquil
I’m just coming from my writing club that meets on Thursdays in Mahopac, NY. I can write a sitcom based on just that, and my perceptions of it, however ironically they’re the group that I’ve been sharing the 2%of me that’s serious, deep, and for real.
Ok maybe it’s more then 2%of me, however it’s mostly been hidden by an array of comedic ways of cheering others up. It came out in my writing, it never really had a reason for it to come out in real life –however my writing not only got me into school with scholarships, but through school to the degree.
It never had a reason to come out in real life,
After my 28th birthday, I gently reclused from the social scene and focused on what’s really important. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still enjoying the sociality of whoever’s in my life still, but with me no longer having to depend on anyone to party-partner with, there’s also not room for those who don’t make their own effort to be in my life etc. Things become more clear, without the clouding of people moving sideways.
Which is fine, it’s sort of a filtering process. When you get to the point where you realize your self worth, you seem to only fit in your life, what you deserve, while peacefully and defaultly leaving the rest. The more aligned you are, the more peaceful it will be. However we are still all human so, there is a bit of withdrawal one might feel when having to leave some friends at level 5 while you’re trying to get to level 6 ot 7 etc when they clearly, (and the more you exceed up the more clear it becomes) are not ready to do so themselves.
Becoming real with one’s self is actually quite liberating. Don’t get me wrong though, it’s a process. However if you’re at the right level to start this process, you’ll be spiritually aware enough to know that this is a process and actually appreciate the process of it, despite the pain naturally and humanely felt.
You’ll be able to separate from that, and look at it from a different perspective. Yes you are feeling some pains, but they are growing pains. You’ll feel better at the next level and/because your spirit is ready to be at the next level. Trust me we’re all energy, thus we are all continuously moving –hopefully in the right direction. However in the New Age, you can feel it more then ever. The New Age directly routes you, which is your feelings, to your metaphysical you, which is your spirit –in other words, the connectivity of all is felt more then ever now. People are waking up, becoming more aware. This is the age where things happen, due to the magic in the air, direct connectivity of the Law of Attraction, and people realizing they can make things happen.
Tonight was one of the many emerging examples I’ve experienced. Each example, special and unique from the rest, yet each one progressively becoming more direct and clear/obvious of the movement that is going on with each individual and the world.
There was a new lady in my writer’s group tonight, that I made myself go to despite other extenuating circumstances….As I walked in late, she was speaking and I could tell she wanted to share cathartically why she was there. Everyone else was kind of on their own path however, yet I felt the need to serve her food, share with her what one other is sharing about his experience (since his is personal, maybe she’d feel more comfortable sharing), and really helping to allow her to feel welcome –is what I wanted to do, the urge was there. However swept with the movement of the group along with my own shyness, I went along with the flow of the group for now.
I was there to listen. Previously when I was there, I had read, on two separate occasions, very real, deep, and heart felt beautiful pieces of poetry that I banged out in the midst of the process described earlier in this blog, and one earlier this year. They were intense and yet people loved them. They are from the depths of my soul so, takes some real passion to write them, and some would find it nearly impossible I would keep such feelings inside of me, knowing how…unconditionally loving, deep, and passionate they are, but like I said, I keep certain things private.
I broke the intense moving saga, the third week I was there with a light and comical How-To piece on the Do’s and Don’ts of How To Stay Cool with a Black Eye, based on an experience I had while living in Mount Vernon, NY.
These people needed to know, that I can make light of almost anything, so they didn’t fear I was about to jump off a bridge every time I left a meeting. After all some lady after striking up a conversation with me suggested I read a book, she later told me was titled “Dark Places”.
A man came up to me after one of my poems, and raved to me about it. He was so happy, yet I was seemingly drained. I asked “O yea, are you in love?” as he was smiling he said he thinks so, and he loves it.
I’m nodding, as I said “That’s great” yet wanted to say,
“Yea, I can’t wait for it to be over”
Being in love can be exausting when you’re unsure of the other side.
Some freak, when they are unsure what the other feels, which trust me I understand the feeling. Yet now, with my knowledge of the Law of Attraction, as well as the new-found knowledge earlier in the year of a Twin Flame and what they are, ahem aka my life, annd the fact that I am now 28 and well, self-assured –no matter where life takes me I know I’m here for a reason so; that can be looked at as faith in the divine, surrendering to angels, and of course doing your part here, knowing you have a job, you’re put here for a reason, and knowing you’ll find fulfillment in doing it.
Will it ever match up to what could happen when united with your Twin Flame? Of course not, however I have a job to do, and I’m here to do it. Besides, trust in Divine timing, they (the angels etc) know what’s up, and they’re with you.
Some are, in part, working with them, after all we are all in this together.
The new lady read her piece and I got her essence of what she was trying to say. Some misunderstood the way she said the first part, so I told them I understood how they heard it but attempted to clarify it for her, and asked her to correct me since I’m merely guessing.
Her poem brought tears to my eyes, for I knew. I knew what she was saying, and as I clarified a part that many misconstrued, she slowly and silently nodded, yet very to herself. Someone else got a literal message that she verbally commented on so I figured, maybe I didn’t get it as much as that guy. Perhaps her message was a bit different then what I read…
Well after class I went up to her, welcomed her, and she told me I actually got the message more then anyone else in the class did. Wow, interesting. I also asked her if she ever heard of a twin flame, and she didn’t yet her eyes lit up as I mentioned it. I explained more to her, and the theory and some background, and mentioned that it sounded to me like she was describing a twin flame.
I started out by saying you can have 12-15 soul mates in your life, but as for your Twin Flame: there is only one. You’ve never felt this way towards anyone else before, not even close. Not even on the same planet of feelings I guess. The more I spoke the more she lit up. I eventually told her the theory behind it, is that, you guys are your ying to your yang, and there are many synchronicities, but because you are your ying to your yang, there are opposites as well. The theory is that you both were one soul, and in this life, are split into two, two people, but you both –at the risk of sounding co-dependent -complete each other.
This is why self-work is very important, and you should both come together as the most complete people ever before combining because ultimately you are trying to strengthen the whole of the sum. Anyway this all completely resonated and moved her, and she just knew we met for a reason. I explained a bit of my recent journey and finally came out after a lot of questioning and said (since for once I felt safe saying this) a huge reason for my transformation is that my –as I humorously say this- twin flame, moved to Florida.
( Now let me remind everyone that my twin flame will always remain anonymous since I respect the privacy of others and myself. I am also very privately protective of him etc but just because for once this blog mentions a couple locations that I will ever really get deeper in terms of details like that, a lot of people move to Fl lol, and this is the most “real” detail I’ve ever really said about him or probably will ever say. I don’t “expose” anybody.)
She asked which part and I mentioned Jacksonville, where I used to live.
Hers did too! But to Naples, but where she went to high school!
She asked if mine knew I used to live there, and I said noo because in the very beginning he didn’t, and that’s not why he moved there.
I did mention that he thought I was lying when I said I moved up from there… and I didn’t know why, then I guess he told me he or his fam had/ has a summer place there.
Or maybe she asked if I knew, idk either way we met up here so I didn’t think it mattered but her point was that hers didn’t know she went to highschool in naples yet moved there.
I mean it’s definitely interesting.
We should’ve definitely joined the “My Twin Flame Moved to Fl” Club I guess a few months ago.
Anyway let me get to sleep, where hopefully I’ll enter the heavenly world where we hang out, and most of all –(hopefully)remember it. For those memories, are the best one’s I have so far.
I was sitting by my computer today listening to Lana Del Rey’s “Dark Paradise” lyrics since I heard a glimpse of them at Sky Room NYC Saturday, and chose to be devoted to looking them up while under the influence the other night, that I”m still re-cooping from.
I seemed to have been so dedicated to this, the other night, that it has already made its way on my Fall playlist -funny how the real comes out no matter how much you try to ignore it.
Today I face it head on after a few days of numbness while helping others, and decide to hear the entire song and pay close attention to the lyrics now that I finally had a chance.
I’m listening carefully, agreeing completely yet mostly still in my numb state, when finally it hit me…something so quickly all at once reached my soul and reawakened it and i burst out, yet silently, crying as I just thought……yea.
Felt like a good release, and that I was actually present for a second. All those lyrics stood true in a way I would only write about, In fact during my transformation in the past couple months, I have banged out a couple of extraordinary poems, which just goes to show that success really is fueled by artist’s pain.
However, as much as I feel where she’s coming from, the only thing that doesn’t resonate with me is wanting to die. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid to die, but I’m not wanting it. I’m 28, self-assured, and am here like the rest of us, for a reason. I’m aware I lived this life for a reason. Ammm I looking forward to Heaven? Yes, and I often wonder if I’m the only one, since others may find it a bit strange; but I do believe there’s a difference between wanting to die, and looking forward to Heaven, a difference in energy. As much as I’m looking forward to Heaven, I guess like anyone else, lol, I’m here to help and assist and see what’s up, like anyone else I guess except we’re all different and unique in our own way.
My apologies for not blogging in a while, trust me I’ve thought about it a lot, and almost did once but it never made it -my computer seemed to delete it in the publishing process and I just rolled with it with a sidebar thought that there must be a reason.
Since my last blog, a lot has happened, a mix of a variety of things. I don’t like to call or look at anything as bad, yet helping me get to the next step.
I had to freeze or stop the blogging for a bit because I realized the address was on my business card, and I didn’t want anything private getting in the wrong hands. I don’t care if I don’t know you, it’s the ones I do know -that maybe I don’t want to share this portion of my life with, which is becoming increasingly ironic considering this “portion” of my life is pretty much my entire life at this point.
See, part of the New Age topic particularly this year, is that there’s a lot of movement going on in terms of energy, and I don’t consider your job, or anything you HAVE to do, your life. I consider things that you WANT, and WANT to do, your life. Things that are really you, you see.
People have been tricked into believing that they have to do, what everyone else expects them to, and they’ve basically programmed to follow protocol, if you will.
I agree, we have to make money to survive yadi yada, but what really makes the world go round is the love/passion for things. Follow that, do what you love and everything else will follow. What you can do in your mind you can do in your body if you combine your desire with belief.
I believe more and more people have been waking up to this idea, I’ve certainly been one of the many many helpers out there and one can only hope.
At the Pix11 Health and Wellness Expo NYC on Saturday, after one of the speakers spoke and took questions publicly, I went to speak to her privatley. She told me I was an Indigo, which isn’t the first time I’ve heard this.
At the New Life Expo Spring Edition earlier this year, one of the speakers tried to read me and finally when I off-focused from him, he comes out with “your one of us!”, I’ve heard this from, I believe, every psychic/medium prior so at this point I’m like “mm hmm but the reason I’m here…” lol I guess you can say I semi-ignore it because perhaps everyone has this ability and it just hasn’t been awakened yet, or they don’t want to etc, idk. I doo know that I’m highly intuitive and assumed growing up that everyone else was, as well. However I’ve been told many times that that apparently is not the case.
So here’s the thing, I’ve been known to be good with people, people know me to be very social, and some think everyone knows me and I can supposedly get along with everyone. Well after my birthday on Sept 6th I pretty much decided to keep to myself, and whoever comes into my life ok, but I’m not going to be the ring-leader socialite I usually was, even though I have been calming down the past few years, becoming more and more real to myself.
So while the rest of the world knows me as this sort of comedian, and party pro, i began a real transformation after my birthday, joined 2 writing clubs -where my identity there is so different then how everyone else knows me to be lol, and really tried to stay away from bars and anyone else that’s not on the level I want to be.
However when I do find myself at these places, I stay real to myself -which can threaten those who are not exceeding with you, yet I see right through their facades, and provide closure for our souls as well as healing. I’ve been feeling that.
Of course to whoever’s with me, I make light of these situations so that this all seems fun, and sometimes funny but I definitly been keeping it real.
Ironic, given that, some would say my life isn’t entirely real itself. I started to write about the realm of dreams at one point, and why it is that sometimes you can feel more in dreams than you do in “real” life -I wrote this in a much more beautiful way, and why is it that no one is really wondering about that, and if they are, it’s definitly not google-able.
That’s right, when you type in anything on dreams in the google scroll bar, it will take you to the stero-typical “meanings of symbols” or scientific reasons or physcological theories on why we dream including Freud etc.
Eye Roll, give me a break. We’re in the New Age, the Golden Age to those who are really aware, and this is all that comes up in terms of dreams?
Lol -Those are not the dreams I’m talking about.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Ironic date at that…technically the day I married someone a while ago….O well, everyone’s got some kind of baggage from this lifetime Anyway on to more important things….
For the past month or so I’ve been wanting to connect with my Twin Flame in dreams, and I would send that request out to the angels before I went to bed. I also had a request, to somehow have him know, what a twin flame is, and better yet who is twin flame is (obviously me). I would pray to somehow have the angels or someone let him know.
I would wake up everyday wondering if I had dreamt of him, and not remembered since I didn’t want to feel unfulfilled. I didn’t want to lose faith in the metaphysical system, because that, in itself, is failing the system. (via Law of Attraction)
See here’s the thing though, dreams with him are unlike any other. They are a completely different category. The first dream I ever had with him was not only interactive but during the f*cking day. I’m saying we both weren’t asleep. Oh I never told you about that? Allow me:
Anyway, now that I got that(italic) out of the way lol there’s been many other dreams since. Many may consider them not “as good” in that, obviously with the others I was asleep, and we don’t know for sure if these were indeed interactive or not, as much as I knew with the first one. I feel they are, on some level.
It may not be a level where my twin flame’s Earth self can consciously remember, but perhaps our souls are communicating and I happen to remember, because perhaps I am more in tune to the metaphysical at this point in time, then he is. There are probably a lot I do not remember as well, and who knows perhaps he has the privilege of remembering those.
What I’m thinking, what my sense is…is that when these dreams occur we aree interacting on some level yes. This concept used to be so far out there to me…however as time went on, it seemed to have come closer and closer to me and I am getting a bigger and clearer picture of, how this is possible. Remember, I originally dismissed the first experience as part of my imagination, when, well I think we could both safely say at this point that it happened. The only problem is, we haven’t –to eachother. We are probably still both thinking it was our imagination, yet if we actually communicated on it we’de realize the reality of it.
Back to my main point of this blog. Welcome to 2013, we’re connections don’t require middle-men anymore. We seem to have a more direct connection to what we want and making it happen. Like I said, for weeks I was requesting that a message be passed on to my twinflame, to let him know it’s me. I also, if I wasn’t asking for that, I was asking to interact with him in some way, via dreams –where our souls are bare, the most true etc. We seem to have a much easier time communicating via dreams, vs the ego-weighted reality we live in.
Each time I asked for one, I didn’t think of the other with it. I thought of each as a separate entity, so who would’ve thought –the requests would be combined so simpley. The simplicity of this was beautiful.
Last night I had a dream. You know how dreams are, sometimes you don’t remember much, but what I do remember…is this. Our dreams our timeless, and I remember being somewhere with him, or around him. I saw his face. My demeanor was of it’s natural soul-state: calm yet very content. He was also happy and calm yet in a different way –there’s the ying and yang yet the same.
-I really wish we spoke about this so that if we aree having the same dreams, we could compare notes and possibley remember more; this world that we go to is awesome.
Anyway this morning as I was sitting in a Dr’s office for a dr to look at my knee, I wrote down “There is a place that is not this, that is home to us”
Later on, my dream surfaced to memory.
Our energies were, as described. He seemed to be smiling a bit, probably being his witty flirting self, or tryng to be anyway lol –no matter what he tries to be, I always see through to him no matter what so.
He was being his light, now playful and perhaps fun (with me) self, and for once I got real during this joyous delight time; I’m not even sure if words were exchanged prior I’m just describing the feeling…but I remember finally turning to him and saying, calmly and with a smile, looking right at him in a calm happy yet knowing way, “Are you familiar with the termTwin Flame?”
A lot’s happened since 2008.
There is no after the flame, despite what happens.
What there is, however, is acceptance.
He seemed to have met me, in a crosscurrent of time. I don’t want to say “wrong” timing because, even though it may feel that way, “wrong” timing doesn’t exist.
I have had about 3 or so more year-long relationships since, he has had a couple as well.
I never forgot him, in fact no matter how hard I tried, my mind thought of him almost every day -but I believe that may be one of the most private things I will reveal on here because I’ve never told anybody that.
I hide it, reallyyy well.
Just because you’re twin flames, does not mean the lives you were both born into, will coincide so perfectly, as both of your souls do.
We live on Earth, with things that hold us down, like gravity, morals, expectations, judgments, egos, circumstances, and other paradigms that restrict us.
As limitless as true love is, there was only so much I could do, while maintaining myself in the realms of self-respect.
As much as I have this huge potential for love for him and don’t know why, I don’t respect that he’s judged me so easily -so snappily, without knowing a thing. I’ve tried to let go of this, but everytime there’s a slight chance of this, he gives me something else to judge.
Although, unlike him, I don’t judge him, I don’t respect his actions.
I love him and can be the best thing for him, but as I grew older, my self-respect flourished and also became more solid. Thus it’s a turn off how ignorant I feel he can be towards me -which is why I pretty much ignore him, until he’s right in front of me.
Think of him I do, but I think of his soul. Until he connects more with that, there’s not much that can be done, it takes2.
I am not thinking of (what I see as) this judgmental human that I tend to encounter, that just seems to confuse me; although I do believe if he ever stayed in my life for more then a second, we’d be fine; because there’d probably be COMMUNICATION.
However, I do nottt bother with him until he bothers with me, and the minute he leaves I’ve already said bye; basically until he puts himself in my life, I’ve given up.
Not given up…..let go….accepted, yea given up. I used to think Ide die before ever giving up on this amazing connection I’ve never felt before but have, -but I know more about it now.
I know we are twin flames and my love for him is still there, however until he realizes things, , this is, this life.
I figured, I went through this, to enlighten people about it. Others are having these experiences with their twin flames. Me writing about this, is the evidence of me letting go; because for the past 5years I’ve kept this sacred, to myself.
However after many heartbreaks I wondered what the point was, of those beautiful experiences.
and through the tears (trust me I never cry) I realized one night, its to write about it.
It’s to share it with you. I wanted these experiences to result in the love we both deserve, and our family etc but as patient and sweet as I’ve been through this whole thing, I am still human and still felt the pain.
Artists recycle pain. As I was going through it, I decided to use this beautiful energy (although painful, beautiful that someone could love another that much, without realizing why, on a soul level) and put it towards something beautiful, that can help others.
Comedians also recycle pain. Most comedians are known to be depressed. I’ve been told sooo many times I’m a comedian, and although I have many many reasons to be depressed, I am not. I feel it like everyone else, I just -like I said- recycle that feeling, and make it into something useful.
I feel it, even after I turn it into something funny, just less so, but laughter really is the best medicine as well as relief.
So thus, when you are going through something, allow yourself to go through it in the best way you know possible, however if you feel your soul or self not wanting to stay in that feeling much longer, harvest it, into a healing energy. Use it to help others, as well as yourself.
When you are ready, and only when you are ready, consider it a lesson learned that is making you/made you stronger, and it happened for the best because something BEAUTIFUL will be born out of it, in some way or another. Something better then how great you thought that experience was going to be, trust in that, and it will be so.
I didn’t understand what was happening to me, when I met my twin flame. I didn’t understand the feelings that followed; and it is hard for someone to understand how you can love, or feel the potential of so much love, for someone you barely know.
However my intuitive side has led me to do some research in the new age and lead me to some answers that made complete sense. You’ve always known your twin flame, which is why intuitive people will feel that familiarity when meeting them, etc etc etc. It’s so much more then the writing I’m putting down on this paper. Knowing about twin flames, will reassure anyone who has met their twin flame, that they are not crazy.
Some twin flames really work out, as they should. The New Age is allowing this to be, thank God, and I hope anyone that comes in contact with theirs, works out beautifully with them. I wish mine were free minded enough to realize is he relaxes and realize what’s really up, everything will flow so freely and naturally. We would have, so much fun and be so calming to one another.
There is no after the flame, there is only acceptance, and the hope that your experiences will propel you to do good for the world, as it has done for me.
This is the second part of the:
Twin Flames Intro and Background Info
However, reading that is not a prerequisite to reading this, it is merely the Earthly experience that is ironically out of this world, explained in as logical terms as I could fit it in. It’s good to start out with that blog if you are new to the concept of Twin Flames.
This blog gets a little more interesting…
Things happened here and there where he would find out something about me, and think I was lying about it because apparently it paralled him to the tee. Such as me living in Jacksonville Florida prior, I guesss he has a place there idk…and me wanting to write sitcomes…apparently he thought I was lying about that as well even though my scripts were in my car..
There were other things but we really seemed to flow quite nicely, in the most simple, and the most natural beautiful way I’ve ever experienced. This was like a blooming flower, easy.
Shortly after meeting, he went on vacation. He would text me here and there but we’de be busy with our own lives. Anyway, there was one time I happen to be mentioning him to the family that helped raise me. They were watching TV, and I said something like “You don’t understand guys, I would trust my KIDs with this guy”
now, I don’t have kids, I was speaking of my future kids but right after I said that my mind went elsewhere…
Keep in mind this is the first time I’m making this public.
A series of images that I had no control over, appeared before me, I guess in my mind’s eye.
I saw him sitting on a beach, alone, gazing out onto the ocean. My mind then went to a place in the sky that he was staring off into, and now I am on a beach…
The sun must’ve been setting orr I’m trying to remember if this particular image was in shade’s of blue -Keep in Mind this “Dream” I had was in 2008, yet I still remember most of it.
I saw parts of a man, facing the water. I was on the waters side, looking at him. I saw a leg, followed by board shorts. As if a camera was going up his body in slow motion, then in parts.
I beleive the shorts were blue, white, and either black or navy….either way, they definitley had a draw string…perhaps there was some red instead but definitley board shorts, probably past the knee….
I saw an arm, muscular -but not too buff, but not too thin, natural. I felt so much love, for whoever this was….I’ve never felt such love before in my life…this was something I’ve never come close to experiencing before..
I was wondering who this was, I saw freckles strewn across the tops of his shoulders and cheeks. This was odd to me because this isn’t my type, yet that didn’t register in my feeling department, I was still feeling and overwhelming amount of preciuos love for this being…
He was smiling…typing this, is bringing tears to my eyes, because it is so beautiful to me, still to this day
-Love knows no time.
He was, beaming in the moonlight, whoever this person was that I had an overflowing amount of love and respect for, unrestricted free-flowing, the most natural, to the core love I’ve ever felt…
His hair seemed a bit auburn…
As the view went down to his muscular, awesome, relaxed shoulders to arms, I noticed he was holding something. What is he holding…my minds eye is whispering..
I saw the utmost PRECIUOS little hand, attached to the most preciuos little arms, on his. I felt SOOO much love for this little creature, I never thought this amount or type of love was really possible. Holy sh*t
This little hand, and little arm belonged to…a preciuos bundle in a diaper. It must’ve been warm out because the baby’s bare skin was against his, and he was holding..him(?)
I felt this preciuos little being that I had the most love ever for (I thought the love I had for himm was a lot and could not be surpassed, but I guess I was wrong considering the love I had for this baby was beyond even that new chart)
was part of me in some way…
I still had to wonder, who was this…It went up, past the baby’s head onto whoever was holding the baby, his neck…freckles…was that…was that him???
I say him because I’m not mentioning names, but when I say him I’m referring to the guy I just met at the time, who was then on vacation, alone, on a beach -apparently as I later come to find out.
Yess, omg it iss him. He’s beaming in the moonlight, smiling from ear-to-ear, looking down at the baby, sleeping, then back up towards the water. I now see him rocking up and down with the baby, like bouncing -yet at the time I think he was still- I’m not sure it was mostly emotion..
He’s staring at something he loves, a lot, in the water. Whatever he is staring at in the water, gives him a lot of joy…
What could he be staring at, whispered my minds eye/soul view.
The view pans around, he was in front of me, then on the left as my gaze/view goes towards the right and sees in passing the beach and eventually the water…
There was a girl, dancing around in the water, in the distance..She seemed playful…laughing…her hair was darker and curly, she too, was beaming. She was in a bicini, and playing around but looking back at them a lot. She was free, the happiest she’s ever been, but the love she had for them sustained her, this was a happy unit, what a family…
Who is that girl…my mind whispered..
Is that…no way…is that ME?
Closer look, it was me.
I’m on 3 dating sites as of now, and one message to me I happen to notice in passing, was an entire, almost essay, on some extremely interesting things about stars. Thus, whenever I would go on, maybe weekly, I would give this guy a slight glance, back.
I’m not a phone person but somehow I am with him. We spoke for 3 weeks and became almost attached to one another. He makes me laugh which is huge, he has an awesome personality, we definitely came from the same star or something.
Finally we met last night, in person.
I’m so f*ckin confused, I don’t even know where to start.
I believe I overall liked him more, prior to meeting….however I can’t stop thinking about him, or what happened I’m not exactly sure.
Now everyone knows my stance on sex, see my recent ”dating or whatever you call it” post.
However I’m almost inclined to do a friends with benefits thing with him, possibley. I definitely still would like to talk with him/ know him, I just don’t know if I should act in ways that would go in a relationship direction, or the friends with benefits approach…
If I went with the friends with benefits approach, theres almost no chance of ever having a successful relationship with him, however I’m not sure I want to close myself off to just him, especially because -now this is hard for me to say, -I’m not a fan of his face.
Here’s the thing, I feel HORRIBLE about this, I’m hoping it will grow on me. My spirit is struggling because I know we are all just in costumes in a sense, and his spirit is pretty cool from what I got attached to over the phone.
However some people are very focused on Bodies, and I put face before that, cause I feel that’s what you get closed to -if you had to speak physical about it.
He even makes me….in the mood, to put it nicely, I don’t understand how this is happening.
Last night I had a dream.
I was trying to fit in, with some sort of group, who seemed kind of nice to me, they happen to be chubby. We kept entering this dirty/store/building, except their friend, or whoever they know of, is the owner -a fluffly b*tchy girl, who just wouldn’t let me in for some reason, she was bias IDK, so we kept having to put masks on.
The psychi in me wanted to revolt, while part of me found it almost appealing but that may have just been a survival strategy to get through it.
I wanted out of that place but didn’t know much better beyond it. I remember the quality of it was so cr*ppy that the floors kept breaking but that was ok there for some reason. Not only was it ok….they kept rebuilding the new floors, just to break them, I guess that was the advantage of having a cr*ppy floor or foundation, you can smash it without the feeling of bad, then just rebuild like its no problem.
However the whole scenario was making me want to gag, everything seemed a bit disgusting.
However I woke up thinking, that’s how life can be if you let it huh? Us all wearing masks and costumes, and perhaps trying to fit in. I can’t judge him by his mask, and hes definitely not trying to fit in…
O have I mentioned, my nick-name for him is Powder, because lights turn off around him.
I used to play with traffic lights a bit when focused, back in the day, I felt we have something a bit in common in the metaphysical. We love talking about all of that and the universe, he’s a great age for me he’s about to be 30, has his own place. I’m 27 and have had my own place. So much is going for this, I just….know we met for a reason, and we’ve done good for each other in certain topics so far, but I have a feeling that’s not completely it….
I’m sexually attracted to him, because he’s into, what I’m into -which I’m seriously trying, not to be into lol. I’m actually going to therapy to NOT be into this, however everyone says it’s normal.
Do I just want someone? Do I just like the way he speaks to me, what we talk about, our dynamic, and obviously if we did it-that chemistry?
Yet I signed up for something real finally, should I do this before something real? I told myself I was done with fake things, this may be what is making me sick. Yet I’m drawn to him and don’t know why. I don’t know what to do about this
this is half “50 Shades of Grey”, half “Powder”
Once upon a time…or 5years ago -whatever you want to call it, I was going through a slow yet beautiful awakening of some sort.
I felt content in myself and everything around me.
I was visiting a friend at her job, and went next door to the pizza place to get us some food. As I was walking in, I barely noticed a guy washing the windows of the place, however nature’s harmony was definitely in motion.
He apparently noticed me, because as I walked by he saiddd heyyy, probably to a nonchalent hey I may have politley said in passing without even looking at him.
I couldn’t open the main door to the place, so he reached around behind me to help me.
My sight has still not noticed this guy yet, but my energy had.
There was some sort of beautiful, light, gorgeous nature dance going on. Like music was in the air.
I laughed as I couldn’t open the other door either, and of course he came to the rescue, so swiftly, so naturally, we fit together like perfect puzzle pieces.
As I walked in, he apparently did as well and got behind the counter, that’s when my world as I knew it stopped, and what I was put here for, began.
It was a moment of timelessness, tears come to me as I think back -like it was as if it just happened, I can reach this moment.
…to be continued
Next day continuing….
Where was I, o yea -my life changing forever from that point on, that’s right.
However it felt more like, this life changed forever from that point on, as I also felt as if I’ve been holding my breathe this entire life and now I could finally breathe.
As if I’ve reunited with something I’m the most familiar with, that’s so much bigger then this life.
Everything I’ve ever been through in this life, vanished. None of that mattered anymore, or felt like it ever existed, not in this moment. This moment was and still is, inexplicable, and thus is the greatest and most glorious writing challenge of mine yet.
The array of feelings had no boundaries because as new as this was, it was all soooo familiar beyond this life. I felt as if I were born again, yet reconnected with how much more experienced I really am at the core, beyond this life. As intense and lightening flash as this experience sounds, it still happened calmly and slowly. So if this makes any sense I felt all of this yes, but as a gentle breeze, despite the out-of-this-world ness of these senses and feelings.
That one place and time, reconnected me with an area of placelesssness and timelessness.
It’s hard to describe such an experience to humans, when we are just programmed to know or describe things with the 5senses, as this goes way beyond that.
Yet coming back down to Earth, let me allow you in on the motions and sounds that were happening at this time, a language we all speak.
When our eyes met, there was a definite shift, and a sense of beautiful beginning, yet also beautiful reuniting. However my Earthly and human brain can only handle so much at once, no matter how “intuitive” I was always told I was, which I still think every one is to some extent.
I somehow asked if he had a girlfriend without asking if he had a girlfriend. I slipped it in somehow, in some way, that could of been something like “your girlfriend must love how good with doors you are” or something that made sense at the time, was casual, funny, light, and implied he had some sort of girlfriend -because I was wondering. He revealed that he was single.
I then said something like “Well then your either gay, or related to me” out of the impossiblness I felt that he was single. How could, this guy, be single?? He also claimed he was not gay nor related to me -which that’s a whole other family history story about how my Italian Catholic grandfather married a German Protestant woman, and he became the black sheep of the family. Which is all fine and good I guess except for the fact that he had 7 or 8 siblings, who had kids, who had kids, I met none of these people thus, there’s probably a whole world out there related to me, and it was confusing at the time, how this guy seemed so familiar to me in some way, I couldn’t figure it out, but I loved every moment of it.
I have a poem about this, and don’t know where to put it, because I would like to know how to protect my words, so if anyone has any ideas please let me know, thanks.
this saga is continued in the next post