Life Records

Hey, I just got done crying….a lot’s happened in the past few months.

I was just enjoying myself for once, by singing and recording (my true passion I tell almost no one about) and decided to delve into some old songs I loved as a kid, particularly the classic older mariah carey songs. I know all of her lyrics, to every song. This dates back to tapes.

Anyway being an avid Law of Attraction-er, I chose carefully the songs I wanted to delve into, so as to enjoy the feeling. Knowing that just by the enjoyment of the feeling, will bring more of that feeling.

What really brings the love&passion out in me like no other, is 1 thing, and that is, another secret of mine, known as my twin flame. I never speak about this to people, because unless they are a true twin flame and has met their twin flame themselves, they won’t get it. They won’t have the human capacity  to get it, I know I didn’t. Before I met mine, I thought that feeling was just something Disney made up. After meeting him I realized, that Disney now has a point. So does every love song ever made, I got it then.

I believe my twin has moved back from Fl. However when i saw him in a bar in September, not knowing that, i froze. His friend invited me over, but i nicely declined. I wasn’t sure what was going on since hee himself didn’t invite me over. I felt hee really wanted to see me, he’d come to me. Then i didn’t see him at all.

The next day felt like a metaphysical breakup. I started baking, the first string of many baked goods of the month for people. Dealing with what I was going through, i hung out with one of my party crowds I’de been trying to stay away from, in an attempt to grow up, better myself, and not to mention stay safe. How many times can angels save me from the same situation?

Anyway this time an angel came in the name of Kenny, a friend I went to Immaculate Conception School with, in Eastchester/Tuchahoe over 19 years ago, . This was the school i was attending, when my mom suddenly passed. The last i saw of her was in Immaculate Conception parking lot that morning when she dropped me off;  you know, before my sister and I apparently had ESP and “knew” something was up while attending separate schools yet looking for her in the nurse’s offices that we were taught never to go to, unless it was an emergency. Our mother had a very demanding job as the Assistant Dean of Cornell Medical college in the city; and that’s where she collapsed. Her last words were to her boss/colleage of 20 years Dr. Dan Alonso, the Head Dean of Cornell. He became a dear friend to my mom, and after my fathers death and his divorce, eventually fell in love with her on the down low. My mother’s last words to him were “Don’t let them take advantage of you”. He later became my guardian.

I noticed later in life how right after she died, i got into and drew inspiration from, Mariah Carey. I would sing privately to myself in my room. Now looking back, I realized she sent me someone to look up to, someone who would stay constant, through the many changes that were about to come.

Kenny now lives up around where I do, and is an SPCA cop. I bumped into him a year ago right after my twin flame moved, and I channeled my emotions into writing and poetry; thus was walking up the library steps to my Writing Club meeting. It was one of those days you don’t want to bump into anybody, no makeup, fresh from the gym, not in the mood, in your artist sphere; and yet of course I  hear my name being called.  Of course from someone I knew over a decade ago, from over 20 miles away, of course. He was looking great, had it together, and was seemingly professional; and I was, not.

Back to a year later, Kenny picks me up from this crowd, and makes me his girlfriend a week later. We’ve been together ever since however I still think of my twin flame everyday. Nothing will ever compare. It would be so convenient to just stay with Kenny, however, convenient for who? Conveniant for Kenny? To those around me? To my situation? Not convenient to my soul I’ll tell you that. No matter how much you try to hide it from yourself, your soul knows what it knows, and it will all come pouring out.

Hence today, singing along to a series of beautiful Mariah songs, until around the 4rth song when the lyrics were sooo on point, and hit me zoo hard, I couldn’t help but start crying.

I couldn’t help it, and I’m not sure why. Because it was in perfect alignment with how my soul feels? Not to mention perfect f*cking alignment to what actually happened the day i met my twin, 6 years ago? The lyrics to “When I saw you” were so damn on point, it was as if i wrote it myself…and then…it all came out…involuntarily

The beautiful incredibly perfect sequencing of such exact words went through my body as if it weren’t there, to to core of me, that was suddenly there, and present; having me tear, and i thought beautiful….and kept singing. Yet something was quickly welling up in my throat….because, it was so true…..true to the core of me. I didn’t just cry, I sobbed. I sobbed as if I’ve never before, for the remainder of the song. Damn, that’s truth.

And i let it record…..the way time records all of our emotions and actions, i let the it continue to record the raw emotion, the raw life. I let the recorder record my hearts truth, what my life’s been trying to hide.

Yes i know everything happens for a reason, and Kenny and I help each other out. I’m here to help him and so on. There are many people that you enjoy a time with in life, to do just that, and move on. We are all one and will all be together in the end anyway. However nothing like a twin flame.

I let the recorder record the truety of the moment. It’s weird times like this I’m reminded of my inner artist. I grew up drawing and painting etc, and like most artists, grew up to channel that energy into writing. Only an artist would do weird shit like let the recorder keep on recording as you’re crying through a song. Because sometimes it takes an artist to observe life in that way. That way that can look at a myriad of emotions, as an example of the beauty of life. Artists aren’t scared of their emotions, typically the way someone witnessing that would be, if they were to either from from it, or to it; in order to either fight or flight it.

Artists don’t try to change things, they merely observe things. I believe we all have a little of each, an inner artist etc, in us, to balance the other out. If you’re too pent up, embrace your inner artist. Otherwise sh*t like this happens, lol but luckily the inner artist comes out during this time to comfort you and tell you it’s ok. That its all a part of life. All a part of the bigger plan. The recorder recorded, what I know, is the realest thing I’ve ever felt. The recorder recorded, my soul’s pulse. The recorder recorded, life.

me to a tee, that first day I met him

“When I Saw You”

Soft, heavenly eyes, gazed into me
Transcending space, and time
And I, was rendered still
There were no words, for me to find at all
As I stood there beside myself
I could see you and no one else

When I saw you
When I saw you
I could not breathe
I fell so deep
When I saw you
When I saw you
I’d never be
I’d never be the same

Only once, in a lifetime, love rushes in
Changing you with, the tide
And dawn’s ribbon of light
Bursts through the dark
Wakening you inside
And I thought it was all untrue
Until there all at once I knew


With no beginning and
Without an end
You are the one for me
And it’s evident
And your eyes told me so
And your eyes let me know…



Dear GPS


Dear GPS,

What was that? I finally gave in and committed to you, after years of you staring at me in a store, when I had to drive my boss to JFK. I trusted you, and even made sure we got to know each other before the trip. Yet when I turned you on to get home from the airport, your bright light, which is really my eyes of the road at that point, suddenly went black while en route. Already in what seemed like a scene from “Die Hard” high speed traffic situation, I had to make the split decision to just rely on you for your audio for survival.

However when the traffic got heavier to the point where it was stop and go for the next few hours, this allowed me time to have a false sense of survival and hope that I could fix you, as well as many breakdowns that followed. You played such dirty tricks on me when I would try to adjust the brightness so I could see you, just for you to spontaneously adjust it back to black, as soon as you earned my trust back. Thanks for that, those were fun games. I know you speak in a female voice but are you really a male by any chance?

For some reason you think my life would be better guided if you had no light. I feel like I could hear you mechanically laughing as you over-dimmed it, each time into an  unseeable black abyss in my time of need. Again are you sure you’re not of male decent? And apparently you think my life would be better lived, if I resided in Chicago.

 I get you know more than me in certain areas but I am sooo sure I don’t live in Chicago. I checked my license, registration, and my mailing address, and they all came to an agreement that  I don’t live in Chicago. At one point I wish I did, just to make it easier on the both of us. I don’t know if your ex, sorry I meant, previous owner , did, but I don’t. I kept trying to tell you that nicely, by resetting my home in you, and well, you kept telling me differently to the point where I actually looked out my window hoping to see Chicago; yet just like I thoughhhtt, ;) I didn’ttt.  Girls, Always trust your instincts.

You know what else really smashes my M&Ms? How you also decided to go mute during my voyage back to what I later realized, was Chicago. So then I couldn’t see you, OR hear you. You’ve somehow caused me, to feel as if I went deaf, blind, and that I didn’t know where I lived, all in one trip/attempt back. Why am I finding myself rocking back and forth, wide eyed, wishing I lived in Chicago? I love NY what the fuck is going on?!

This ride back from the airport has somehow turned into a pilgrimage to Mecca, with what seemed like Helen Keller leading the way, except I bet she was nice. Wow how you’ve changed my life so quickly, in less than a half hour.

I‘m starting to think I mayyy have an idea of where the band “Rage Against the Machine” possibly derived their name from?….  Ya know it’s funny, I looked in my handbook when I finally made it home by some miracle, and did not see “I shot my Garmin” in the FAQ’s orr Warranty Coverage section. You know what you should come with a side of, though? Health Insurance. You should come with a side of Health Insurance for all the heart palpitations I endured on the highway, and the possible wavering safety of those horrified-looking people, that were unfortunate enough to be around me that day in traffic.

I just kept thinking and having an impulse to throw you out of my window during this argument, a hem I meant traffic, but couldn’t find a place that wouldn’t catapult you into another car in any way. I have to be honest though, (since I’ve clearly been holding back in this letter)…. if we were on a bridge, you would have definitely found your way toward the sea’s, after I sent you soaring out of the side of my car, as you would have probably said “Rerouting” on the way down.

During this first encounter, you then caused me to stop and really look at myself. As the song “I wana get better” played on the radio, it did occur to me that I was fighting with an inanimate object. This is why I never trusted electronics. How could humans put so much trust into things, that our source of life, kills? If electronics’ sources of life happen to combine with our source of life, then they could kill us! Is anyone thinking here? Whatever, either way we are clearly at an age where we are dependent on you things, and I evidently need to learn how to coexist better with you, electronics, clearly.

                The next day I went in my car and it smelled as if my gps had committed suicide. Then during my first peaceful moment of silence since the event, while parked at the post office to collect my thoughts and heal from the previous day, I suddenly heard a a loud voice break through the still silence from under the seat “ Take next ramp” …..….What? I dug and found you where I buried you, and you lit up like a Christmas Tree. Eager to help me when I no longer needed it….loud and bright as ever, helping me get back to my homeland, of Chicago.

-Kristina Antosik

Mindgasms, Angelic Contacts, and 4D



Mindgasms, Contact with Angels, and 4D

I’ve been hesitant to blog because I guess I’m sort of in transition. I like to blog when I’ve discovered a point, or at least have hit points in my journey; and I guess I’ve felt, that in a way I’ve failed my blogging audience spiritually. Then I need to realize, that nothing is by accident, and perhaps I’m not failing but doing my job in life, and perhaps the journey matters more than the destination.

I definitely stuck to not allowing contact with the last ex, but he definitely did not commit to the same. He showed up at my apartment, and I still would not let him in. However, after a loonng while, and me not wanting to leave things a mess as well, I gave in to letting him back in.

I did not ever agree to be back with him, I just hate leaving people with bad feelings. He said he’d take what he could get so being friends is better than nothing; and yet as a friend, he was offering me so much: my dream job back, the vacation, and a lot more deals in the works.

I kept saying to him that karmically I didn’t feel right taking such things from him. I’m friends with someone who calls herself a healer and is very hard on me for still knowing him and makes me feel guilty over it. However he reassured me that he knew the deal, and is doing these things because he wants to…

So I’ve been in a battle. Me, being the lead advocate and educator of the Law of Attraction, who continues to study it and learn something new everyday and evolve, is surrounding herself with someone who is nice on the outside, yet at the same time lowering my vibration.

There are things about him I can’t stand, and I’m trying to figure out the lesson in all of this. My psychic told me to go on vacation with him, life is short, yadi yada, its all fun. Part of me feels he’s been sent to look after me, and the other part of me JUST KNOWS we’re not a match.

I can like to think we’re friends all I want, but I’m exhausted from constantly setting boundaries and frankly, dealing with him. Yet sometimes the things he says, I wonder if he is the one? He seems to love me in such an unconditional way, yet I never thought it was genuine….was that intuition? Common sense? Or perhaps my life issues getting in the way…

I sort of know he’s not the one, because if he was, I’d feel something more back. I sort of tolerate him. Yes tolerate would be the average of my feelings for him. Sometimes I care for him as a person and appreciate what hes done, and other times I honestly wonder how such a being could exist….As if I was Darwin in a former lifetime and definitely freaked out that he is proving my theory wrong.

Then I feel I’m being too hard on him, but the minute I let up he’s crossed another boundary. I need to learn how to coexist with him. I wish there were clear messages coming from angels as to what to do.

Anyway no more words wasted on the petty details of such situations but what’s saved me from the depths of vibration he brings me to, is this new energy and feeling I’ve been getting regarding my Twin Flame.

Lately when I sleep, I wake up with tingly feelings from head to toe and very cold. These are signs of astral travel and a new concept I’m trying to shed more light on to myself called kumdelini. Apparently all signs of ascension. Yet now they seem to be happening when I’m in the waking state.

I’ll be walking in the forest, in silence, but feeling what it felt like to interact with my Twin Flame and expanding on that. All of a sudden, even though in the sun I would get chills, and goosebumps all over my body from head to toe. I would feel sooo happy but soo shyly cold if that makes any sense. I would feel elated, at peace, in harmony, as if touched by an angel and as if I could possible just float away, into the zone I belong in; I wonder if this is what they mean when they say 4d.

Then I was at the gym yesterday, doing the elyptical like always and listening to music like always. I use my music to create images and scenes in my head to match and possibly illuminate the feelings of the song. Well again it was a certain song….I believe Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay, and I kept feeling his essence, then mine with his, then ours –and my energy kept attempting this, more and more, feeling and retracting, feeling and retracting, until finally I don’t know if it took the leap or what but contact was made or something. Perhaps he was also thinking of me at the same time or some sort of synchronicity but I feel as if the only word I could describe it as would be a mindgasm.

It definitely was the same way an orgasm happens in the body, but in the mind. I felt tingles all up and down my body at a constant rate. My body felt sub zero but it didn’t bother me, I believe I was smiling but either way definitely effecting by this. My entire being seemed to be engulfed in this feeling and had goose bumps all over me. I wonder what it looked like from the outside because from the inside I felt I was about to lift off and float into 4or 5D  right there. I was thinking I wasn’t sure if ascension was a physical thing, until possibly now? I’m not sure what else this could’ve been and it was such a physical feeling caused by the inside of me and my soul, that I wondered if it was apparent to others. Would they notice lol if I just ascended, would I disappear? Perhaps I just went into a higher level of the universe like discussed in : where I think that possibly you can switch to any of the parallel universes out there depending on your feelings –Law Of Attraction, your feelings will paint and create your world and reality.

Prior to that, I’ve been getting a lot of signs from my parents (who are in Heaven). I’ve been getting a lot of signs I’m thinking are coincidences, yet also some where I KNOW. I know to the point where I have to pull over, and cry at the touchingness of knowing. It feels like contact of some sort, and I just have to cry knowing they’re with me. Crying is interesting, I’ve been crying a lot in my dreams lately. These cries I have when I know it’s angels, start of shocked and happy and touched, yet because I’m balling I think my mind starts to think I’m sad by the sound of it…

I also recently took a quiz that told me I am unintentionally telekinetic –which is funny considering I just always thought electronics sucked; and another that told me 10 out of 10 questions that told me I was an Indigo, which I’ve been told before however this definitely confirmed it.

So self learning always in progress, but what I really enjoy is helping others; and despite all this bs going on with my ex, I still seem to constantly find myself in situations where I really am helping others, like I needed to be there. It’s sort of comical, the girl that looks and seems immature, a product of her time and fighting with her boyfriend, is known to have an “angelic” personality to older people who seem to seek out and get advice from her. In other words I’m still doing my soul purpose while dealing with meaningless 3D drama. I wish I knew the right people so I could write a New Age comedic sitcom.

I woke up the other morning at 4:29 am and somehow knew it was a sign. I looked it up and it said the angels are guiding me on my path to being a lightworker. So instead of beating myself up, I’m going to forgive myself for being human and eventually giving in to having him in my life, and just hope and trust the angels that my highest good will come to me. I wish to keep my ex around but really just as a friend and helper, I wish he felt the same, he says he does but I feel he wants more, especially since he tells me. However I know I’m helping him as well so perhaps this is all part of my job….I just wish the best for all and hope it all works out for all of us, and remember there are no such things as coincidences, everything happens for a reason, pay attention.

p.s. If anyone else has been having any similar experiences regarding what might be 4or5d or what I described, please feel free to share in the comments, I really think people need to start talking about this before they just feed the pharmaceutical companies more money by mistaking it for circulatory problems lol


Meatballs and Mercury Retrograde



Meatballs and Mercury Retrograde

By KrisTina Antosik

I recently broke up with someone who wanted to marry me and who my Italian family in Mount Vernon loved. Why did they love him? Well if you know anything about Italians and just read the first sentence you’d know…cause he’s Italian. He could’ve been a serial killer, similar to my past boyfriends, yet because he’s Italian, he’s like one of their own.

My typical type is Italian as well, however I’m spiritual enough at this point in life to focus more on the eyes of the person rather than the breed of them. Never the less, I still seem to attract mostly them, probably because being half Italian myself, we’re the same kind of crazy –but not completely. For instance I’m crazy enough to attempt to talk about and explore my mind about what’s beyond the stars etc, yet if I were to ask any of my boyfriends that, they’d probably respond with “What the fuck does that matter, how are those meatballs doing?” paired with a hand motion and De Niro-looking expression.

I broke it off with the most recent one because he was about to pay for tints for my car, and an entire vacation for the two of us to a place I’de always wanted to go: Disney, ya know given I barely had a childhood and all. Some that didn’t have much of a childhood, become hookers, while I still have a longing to see what Disney looks like, at age 28 –you’ll likely fall into one of those two categories, or drugs. Which, if you blend the last two options together, doesn’t sound like suchhh a bad idea, -if I were a drug addict that is. If I were a drug addict, I’d rather see Mickey on acid, then my pen at home, is all I’m saying.

Anyways, knowing he wasn’t the one, and allowing him to pay for such things, wouldn’t have felt right. Oh, and I was 90% sure he was gay. The other 10%, was left for miracles. I love gay people; I just don’t want to marry one, just based on the sheer fact that I’m not one.

Wish I was, but I’m not. Hey if being gay was a choice, I’d choose it. It’s hard being a hetero now a days. Hard to find anyone who’s the same amount of hetero as you, and I’m sick of dealing with men. No offense to men, I love you guys, which is why I keep you all as friends –for your own safety really (jk).

My family in Mount Vernon did not think he was gay….Of course not, he’s Italian, how can he be gay. I don’t know for sure, if he was gay (there is that 10% I left for miracles) but here’s what I do know: I don’t have time to marry someone who is coming out in ten or more years, leaving me where? To write award winning books about the experience? Not so much, because by then, so many people will be in that boat at that point, it’ll have it’s own genre “Former Wives Looking at the Open (and now empty) Closet” genre.

Back to the present, I went down to my family’s house on Sunday for father’s day. For those of you that don’t know my parents passed away when I was young, yet these people helped take care of me and think of me as family, and they’re the closest I’de ever had to family myself so God Bless; so keep in mind throughout this writing, that I love them dearly.

Also keep in mind, what many soul-readers know, that “Mercury Retrograde” is occurring from early to mid June until July 2nd according to cosmologists. I’m not entirely sure what that entails, but from what I do know, it has to do with the positioning of the moon and heightening people’s emotions. So what would that do to an Italian family per say?

 Well, maybe since they’re emotions are naturally heightened by default, perhaps it would go in reverse and I would walk into an apartment of candles burning, calming music, and my family all in  Ghandi-get-up’s, sitting cross legged in a circle surrounding one meatball to split –spiritually enlightened to the fact that now that’s all they need.

Orrr…..…I’de have to discreetly walk in there with a machine gun in my back pocket, just in case a scene from Scarface breaks out, in order to protect them from eachother. Either way, as an Italian you gotta do, what you gotta do, and so I went. It was pretty much the second Scarface scenario, just replace the blood with marinara sauce and we have ourselves a deal, as to what that scene resembled.

There was one quiet moment at the dinner table, because I guess every war needs a break, or moment of silence to some degree; in which I said “Ya know, there’s something going on right now called Mercury Retrograde, and it goes until July 2nd, but this is why all this is happening…the pull of the moon or something causes chaos, so it’s not you guys”…..


I picked up my head from the pasta I’d been stirring around since I was full, to see everyone staring and chewing blankly at me, and Linda the woman of the household, sitting right next to me looking at me as if I’d morphed into some sort of Anime, except imagine that expression, but frozen. Big Bob the man of the household finally broke the silence by asking me what I was selling.

Then all the women chimed in and told me to eat. I swear Italians just push diabetes on you. It’s like Carb-Central every Sunday and when you almost eat a normal amount they think you suddenly came down with a case of sudden anorexia. I don’t know how some of them stay so thin, maybe they eat that much on Sunday’s because that’s their food for the week. I actually did move to Florida one time, and did come down with some “anorexia” as people call it, and now I know why. It was PTSD from this sh*t.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for all of it, but My God, and God Bless really, I love them all very dearly. Although sometimesss I wonderrrr how much they really love me in return…. Not that I would ask for anything in return but here’s an example.

They loved Joe, that was my most recent’s name. I’m glad they remembered it, because to me, you might as well have called him Joe Schmo. We’d be 3 weeks into the relationship and I still could barely remember his name. You see he chased me for a year and became my friend when I was getting over someone else, and he was so nice to me that I eventually agreed to be in a relationship with him because ya know, he wasn’t on America’s Most Wanted. –As you get older you’re standards seem to lower; but I’m not sure mine should’ve lowered this much, he really could’ve been on America’s Least Wanted. He’s 10 or 11 years older than me, and although he was nice, had the maturity level of a Toys R Us kid, the body shape of a beanie baby, the masculinity of a Barbie (which I didn’t even play with growing up, I was more of a Pound Puppy type of girl), and an overall resemblance of a platypus. Not judging, we all look like some sort of animal I feel. Anyway my family just loved him, loved him, adopted him as their own. Meanwhile they only met him twice, but the first time was enough. Because we all know, it only takes one time to know, if someone’s Italian.

They trusted him with my life. Big Bob even said this past fathers day, “you know, you coulda had a ring with Joe…” and I’m thinking yea, that’s why I ran. Anyway my newest thing is to not recycle everythinggg. I always thought it was ok to keep exes clothing to either save it if we were friends to give back to them, or use them as rags to clean my house. Well in accordance to what I’ve learned with energy etc, the real process of letting go in order to let new in, is to throw out their sh*t. Thus, I was throwing out all of my exe’s sh*t, until I came across Joe’s Yankee sweat zip up jacket.

It’s a really nice jacket and honestly it’s Yankee’s. I can’t throw out Yankee gear, it’s against my religion lol in a sense. Thus, I did the only thing I knew possible to do, hand it over to the Yankee King, the one responsible for brainwashing me enough to even be doing this, Bobby. Bobby is only a few years older than Joe, and has been a big brother figure to me since I was 2 months old. This is Linda and Big Bob’s son, he also has an older sister named, guess..Maria whom I love as well. Maria had a son named, guess, yes Anthony –whom I consider my nephew. Either way, I went to give the jacket to Bobby, and Linda chimes in that  she “does not want it in the house”.

Now these are the people who supposedly loved Joe, I told her it’s ok, just wash it then Bobby can use it. She was very hesitant and it wasn’t because of why I broke up with him. I could’ve said “Joe tried to murder me” and they would’ve been like “ Idk, Kris, …..idk, wish you kids would just work it out” or “but whyyy did he want to kill you Kris…think about that, and maybe hide the knives the next time

Now all of a sudden “We don’t know what kind of germs he has!”…….lol so wait.

See this is the stuff stand-up comedy is made out of.

Standup comedy, consists of events that initially traumatize the person, yet that person chooses to digest it, in such a way, as to not poison their system. They can either choose to feel negative about it, or make fun of it. The situation is usually so ridiculous; they are faced with a Y in the road per say, either cry at the absurdity of it, or laugh at the absurdity of it. Comedians choose to use it for good, is what I’ve come to realize.

So wait, they were ok with that man entering parts of his body into mine –cause let’s face it we’re not all growing up in a nunnery and they weren’t born last night. Yet they weren’t ok with Bobby wearing a jacket of his, after it’s washed thoroughly?

I wanted to say to them “So you were ok with me combining DNA and making minions with this man, and me having to stare at these mini beings that looked like him, my whole life, and allowing his offspring to primarily take over my life for the rest of my life, but if Bobby so much as brushed on his sweater passing by ‘omg Bobby take a shower!’… I have that right?”

But I thought nahh, Mercury Retrograde and all that, I’m not going to bring it up. Yet Mercury Retrograde is still going on, and I still can’t help but wonder….”You wanted me to start a blood-line with that guy? The same guy you won’t let your son borrow a sweater from?” Sometimes the only way to heal, is with humor. Yet the sad part is I’m not even sure if I’m joking when I say this, but in their defense, maybe they too, innately knew he was gay. It’s sad when that’s the last line of where your life isnow, and what’s even sadder is when that last line, brings you relief.

The Science Behind LOA/Quantum Jumping/Parallel Universes


This is a 2-parter. The first part is for the soul, the second left to science.

For more and more we are discovering the blurred lines between the two.

“Let’s Call it Fiction, For Now”
In that, this has all actually happened. However until the “New Age” is completely transcended to the later part of the “Golden Age” I’m not sure these writings/scriptures of the soul, can be released to the public on account that people may not be ready for it –and when people aren’t ready for something, they put it into other boxes or categories of thought until they are. Categories usually later deemed as inappropriate and actually found to be quite the opposite of the truth or point.

If every artist colored within the lines, where would we be?
If no one ever broke barriers politically, where would we be?
We are constantly evolving, and this my friends, is the new age -welcome.

This feels like mental masturbation in that, it feels so good to think, write, or feel about this.
I got a couple insights today…
Everyone that knows my blog, knows about the vision I had in 08 that seemed like more than a vision, seemed interactive, and seemed very shared by who I later realized was my “twin flame” years later. This was realized when I discovered there was actually a term for what I just thought was, true love.
If you’re not familiar with this vision, here it is:

It was, what later events led me to believe to be, a shared vision. Where I felt every cell of my being purely love every cell of his being; and it actually goes much farther above and beyond that, into what might be the future, if you read the link.

I remember each time we had together like it was yesterday. Time doesn’t seem to play a part or have an effect on us.
I remember when he was in my apartment last August….it never matters what job him or I have or what structures we find ourselves in, our souls will always connect, because our cores remain the same –forever growing/evolving, but forever correlating with one another, in harmony.
I’m constantly and peacefully trying to awaken him to what happened years ago and that it actually happened, without sounding …like one of those categories people are put in when not understood.
As unsure as I may come off about this experience, my soul always knows and the confidence of my soul’s knowing pours out all around him, surprising even my character.
As we mingle with one another playfully, I’m paused and time is irrelevant. He eventually asks/inquires –possibley without words, either way I felt the peaceful need to express why I was paused and looking at his skin.

“……You ……have freckles….” I say
“yea” he says in an obvious tone….”I always have”
“….I….never knew…..” I stated, as he seemed a slight bit surprised while seeming a bit more confused as to why that matters.
Smiling and slyly I said nonchalantly, “There are just things you learn about someone as time goes on that you didn’t know before” trying to fit my revelation into the norm of now….

”like the fact that my hair gets curly and dark when wet” I said matter of factly, then he started to slightly perk up “–really?” He said, almost as surprised as he said it the first time 5 years prior…
“Yes” I said peacefully and knowlingley, ignoring that I should’ve been feeling a feeling being in a time warp where I remember something he once did, and he doesn’t remember me telling him this prior. Yet again, time is irrelevant when it comes to twin souls.

Here’s where I changed things in my vision. As I’m listening to amazing music that relates, treading on the elliptical, and creating music videos and visions in my head as a form of meditation, I then continue the tale of the truth –with what could’ve happened then, what my soul wants to do now.
In reality, we just had a few indefinite moments of “time” where it possibley sank in.
Yet in my vision now,
I said his beautiful-and-natural-to-me name,peacefully and lovingly and lovingly grabbed his chin with one hand and soft movement and let our eyes connect. As “time” drifted into non-existence and our eyes looked deep into eachothers, I’ve never seen so deep into someone’s eyes to be able to see what could’ve been infinity. Infinite past lives, possibley the future, times together, a history, story, emotions felt and about to be felt, our connection and intense passionate and happy love through it all, movement, recognition, we recognize eachother so simpley yet more to it –and there’s the hook –yes.

The hook that says and knows, he’s recognized me too. For what I was seeing, wasn’t just into him, but a reflection of us and me as well, a reflection of divine infinity. For if he wasn’t who he was to me, a twin flame, I wouldn’tve been able to see all of that. The knowing that he also was experiencing it, because our worlds were experienced together, we are a reflection of the other. There’s a knowing there, how I know this I don’t know, but I know it through feeling –the same way any soul knows anything. The only feeling that bleeds genuinity, truth. He also wouldn’tve been able to see all of whatever he experienced in me, if I wasn’t his twin flame; and this is one of the definite ways, twins truly recognize each-other.

The Science Behind the Law of Attraction/Quantum Jumping

When I walked out of the gym, I was in such a high from the closeness I felt with him….that I had an experience that I’ve had many many times before in my life, that now makes sense to me…Where everything looked the same, on paper per say –yet looked completely different from my perspective.
There have been times in my life, where I’ll be somewhere, anywhere, that is usual or normal to me, and yet I inwardly feel a little –as people would call it, “disoriented” in that. I’ll know my way around, just not asss familiar, or not in the same way I should say, that I knew moments prior. If I were to trying and translate this feeling into the physical, it would be like having the shoes on the wrong foot, or writing with your non-dominant hand. You can do it, but its different. Everything feels different, however it’s the world you know, but now you know it differently.

Thus, I got to my car, got in, yet with this new feeling/perspective on life, I had an idea of how to get out of the parking lot, and which way is the best to go home, but it wasn’t as routine/autopilot as it was the day before… or even as it was when I got there. The parking lot now looked the way it did years prior when I used to go to Chili’s there, different, then the way I’m used to it looking/feeling from when I first started going to the gym there. This may be due to the fact that perhaps when I was going to Chili’s years ago with friends I was feeling happier, say a level 7, vs the way I’ve been feeling in my transition and graduation from another growing part of my life and perhaps had to start the next level at a 3.
Well with my visions and ideas putting me on a high, I was close to feeling more of a 7 vs the 3 I was used to from starting my newest level of growth.
See we’re constantly evolving and going up in levels of experience and spiritual growth and graduating in knowledge every day. But each level has a gradient of emotional levels in it. The same way you were in 8th grade and the head of your middle school, yet the next year you were in 9nth grade yet the runt of your high school, yettt all the while you were still excelling. Just because you felt inferior in your highschool at that time, did not mean you weren’t excelling in life. Feeling inferior in high school yet at the same time you still knew on some level you were better there, than you were in middle school.
So being at emotional level 1 or 2 or wherever you start out on whatever level you graduated to, while being temporarily uncomfortable just due to the mere transitional period of change, you still innately know you’re on the right track and it’s better than being at emotional level 9, of the previous level/plane of growth knowledge.

What also relates to this is, they say whenever you “lose” anything, it’s because you switched universes or was knocked into a parallel one. This is also another way of looking at it. That’s exactly what’s going on when I say things feel different.

Why wouldn’t you remember where you put your keys? Because you’re mind was elsewhere either when you put them down, orrrr your mind is now in a different place then where it was when you put them down. The reason your mind is in a different place, is because you got distracted by a thought, which had a feeling, which brought you into a different universe –which also may have been what was going on, when you put them down initially (your mind being elsewhere) and possibbley transferring you to a different universe depending on the nature of your thoughts. Your Consciuosness creates your reality. There are multiple realities going on at once. You’re mind chooses which one your in, depending on the feeling/ nature of your thoughts.

I understand this may sound overwhelming, but it’s not. When you let the dust settle and allow all the words to digest into the meaning, it will eventually make simple sense after a while.
Once it starts to sink in it will also become a relief when you realize that you have control over your world. The amount of control you have over your world is directly correlated to the focus/control you have over your thoughts and feelings, or really your ability to feel the feelings you want to feel.

Choose the ones that make you feel good, after enough time of this, things will start to change. It gets better with practice, like an exercise, except for your brain+heart, and that feels good.

Trumping Twilight


from the Twin Flame poetry collection ,written last year

derived from real experiences


Trumping Twilight

by KrisTina Antosik


Your eyes represent eternity to me

Your face, a comfort in which my soul can lay


I would take a connection with you

In exchange for my entire life

For a connection with you

Is what makes me feel alive


A writer is a writer

Yet how can one convey

A beauty beyond words

Exceeding what any language can say


How to describe

Sight to your ears

Hearing to your eyes

Some things words cannot come near


How to explain

A sixth, seventh, or eighth sense

With the five that remain

While still relaying the true essence


Love is a universal language

Yet conveying the essence of pure love

May seem foreign to the average

 And yet crucial to some


Loving you is what comes natural to me

And fuels my entire existence

It makes sense of my entire life you see

And leaves all other possibilities to resistance


If time and space

Are dependent on our minds

Then when and where are you

I’ve been waiting for a sign


Until I realize

You’ve been with me all along

I can see you with my heart

and hear you in my song


If I were to die Tuesday

My only wish would be

That before I left this entirety

you knew you are my purest sincerity


I loved you before

And I’ll love you again

This next lifetime

And the timelessness within


All I know

Is if there’s still life in me

It’s because you are present

And are the reason for my being


I’m not co-dependent

Nor wish to be

I just know the difference

Between existing and living


Twilight has nothing on me

Because this surpasses

Even that realm of reality

Into the one of infinite possibilites

After All

from the Twin Flame Poetry collection

written September of 2013Image


After All

 A Twin Flame Poem

Written by KrisTina Antosik



I feel you

When you’re not there

And to my spiritual lungs

You are my air


You breathed me into life

With your presence

Which seemed to continue on

With your body absent


Physicality needn’t be a necessity

For your presence to exist

-for you could suffer a fatality

And I’d still feel you in my midst


Others seem to perceive

 Your eyes are to be brown

Yet to me, they’re a prism of possibilities

That I would call home


When I met you

It was every type of love I’ve ever felt

Experienced all at once

Sprinkled with a little something extra

From beyond


That was 5+ years ago

&I often wonder if you have any inkling

That I’ve thought of you every day since

And my feelings remain the same


You told me you were moving

&I seemed unfazed

After all, we never needed physicality

To connect through this haze


I kept cool, like I always seem to

Acting like none of it mattered

After all, I only actually saw him every so often

-Yet when I did I noticed a pattern..


I would experience a sense of calm fulfillment

That seems so natural

 And we would rest in each other’s aura

And realize this is where we should be after all


After he moved

It hit me like a ton of bricks

I was numb and robotic for a couple days

+chalked it up to being sick


Yet through the sobbing

It became clear

I can’t even fool myself

This love was legit and sincere


I caught a blurry glimpse of myself

Through the tears, in the mirror

+Although my red eyes screamed pain

The sheer passion and love became quite clear


At that exact moment

A part of me saw the beauty in this

That the self-lessness and incredibly pure Love I have for this man

Is simply gorgeous


Love is timeless you see

Love defies and lacks logic

Allowing your soul to run free

and your playful side to frolic


Looking for an end to true love is like

 Looking for completion in the outline of a ball

It’s becoming quite clear to me

That there is no after all

After all 


(KrisTina Antosik is currently in the process of working on an

 inspiring, comedic, moving, unique, and revolutionary memoir)


©KrisTinaAntosik2013All Rights Reserved

Twin Flames Meet Poem


I wrote a series of poems last year, most of which bled out during my transition after my Twin Flame had moved. I was keeping them private for a variety of reasons but I believe it’s at the point in this Golden Age, where I’m ready to shed those parts of my soul for any that may find resonance or relief in the words, then hopefully knowing, that they are not alone with such true, genuine, and most likely private, feelings.

Here is:

Twin Flames Meet

-written February of 2013


The day started out like any other

Doing what I love to do

Little did I know it was anything but cookie cutter

The day that I met you


I went to get my friend some food

And had trouble with the doors

Our happy harmoniec body language soothed

Every energy and could not be ignored


You opened each door for me

in more ways than one

And when you got behind the counter with glee

Facing you, my life had begun


I had lived quite a life before this

Yet it seemed like none of that mattered

Because once that eye contact was established

It left the realms of my current reality shattered


My father became an angel when I was six

And my mom when I was eleven

Getting hit by a car wasn’t an easy fix

Yet they both seemed to help me transcend


Lots more has happened since

It seems like eight lifetimes in one

Yet it wasn’t until that day, that I got the gist

Of the spiritual realm of fun


They say time cannot be stopped

Yet I swear in that moment it did

Wouldn’t be surprised if my jaw dropped

And for a moment no words needed to be said


It may seem like just a moment in time

And I wish I could say that was the end

Yet I was never one for lying

And that’s where my spiritual journey began


(KrisTina Antosik is currently in the process of working on an

 inspiring, comedic, touching, unique, and enlightening memoir)

©KrisTinaAntosik2013All Rights Reserved

Wake Up, There Are Angels When You’re Ready


Hey everyone, hope all are doing well.

Although, living on Planet Earth and given that this is not Heaven, how well can it get?

How well can it get, is the question one should ask themselves everyday in order to have the Law of Attraction work in their favor.

It’s ironic what a follower and advocate I am of the Law Of Attraction, yet in my own way, can’t wait to get to Heaven; when I know in reality, we should be making our own Heaven.

We should be grateful for each day spent down here, I’m aware, yet I understand how hard it is to feel that way given what occurs here as well. I can’t tell you how many times I am grateful everyday, and really try to practice gratitude everyday, knowing not to take life for granted, yet when it comes to topics of Heaven etc, I can’t help but feel, I can’t wait to get there.

After all, that’s where most of my family is.

I often catch myself thinking, what did I sign up for. I am so grateful for this life and yet, there’s so much pain sometimes. My tears are the key the genuinity, yet not the keys to Heaven.

However lately, I’ve been experiencing a different feeling. That each and every one of us can go at any time. Life is so short, and I don’t mean that in a sad way. I know life is short, from everyone I’ve lost, yet unfortunately I was left here to feel all of that loss. Yet now, more and more, I start to realize, every day really is a gift -because at any point in time we could just go.

It’s almost like being at a summer camp you don’t like. You know you have to be there, and eventually look back on experiences and realize it wasn’t soo bad and you’ve learned. Gone are the days when you feel you are there forever, and now are the days you realize you can get picked up by your parents at any time. When you start feeling that way, it’s not so bad at summer camp anymore, and you actually start to appreciate it there, knowing you’re not going to be there forever, you’re days there are numbered; so you might as well get the most out of it.

That’s how I’m starting to feel more and more.

If you read my last blog, you’d know I was going through a sort of a breakup.

And as much you may know it’s the right thing, etc the pain still comes when you’re a loving human, which I am.

Strong, but loving, and strong enough to know to let go. -However during that process you feel pretty damn weak, and sick of being strong. During times like these when I feel alone, I always want to turn to my parents, but they are in Heaven. Thus my spiritual evolution continues as I try and learn more and more on how to communicate with what’s bigger than us.

I saw a youtube video where someone said if you request to see something specific as some sort of answer to your question that you are asking the angels, it’ll be shown to you, and in the time you asked them too.

Basically, angels are all around us, and want to help us, but only can if we ask.

To assist in this process, sit usually alone, connect with your heart of hearts, your true self, center yourself, feel love, and honestly ask your angels whatever question you have.

Say if the answer is yes, show me this -then give them a time in which to do it -before Wednesday of this week, or something. Make sure what you want to be shown to you, is specific enough, so that when you see it, you’ll know without a shadow of a doubt, that it is you’re answer from them and you’ll feel it.

Thus, my question was: Is this legit? Meaning, is this true communication with angels? and not just, the law of attraction. In other words, the law of attraction states, if you keep and image in your head, you’re going to see it manifest into your reality anyway, so let’s hope its not just that.

I said, if it’s legit, show me a penguin, with a hat. -It has to be specific, yet it was my first time and I didn’t want to make it too hard for them, so I know some cartoon penguins wear hats because they’re cold, so. I also said before 7, at that point it was 619pm. Later I said pm.

Well, that night/next morning I woke up at 5am or so, and put on the TV to go back to sleep when eventually  Mr. Cooper was on. I was watching one of the characters try and make a bunch of the same type of thing out of craft materials. For a second I thought “!!omg, are those penguins??” then thought no, they’re probably snowmen -since they were putting top hats on them like frosty would wear.

Then I saw a bright yellow/white twinkle happen away from the TV but near it. It was bright and apparent enough for me to look away from the TV towards it and watch it beautifully and timelessly disappear so gradually that you can’t tell how it happened -like watching grass grow or a flower bloom. Its an organic timeless process, but this was more so.

I then heard the TV mention that they were rushing to make enough penguins. I looked at the TV and that’s what they were making! As they were putting a tophat on each one!

I muted the TV.

I got chills all up and down my entire body, engulfing, what I knew was the part of me that took up space, my physical body. Extreme and cold chills, tingling, engulfing, and just wow I realized a lot at once, and it felt oh so good, and loving, and everything else that’s amazing but not usually here.

Tears poured so naturally and slowly from my eyes bathing the sides of my face as I just knew, contact had just been established. We are definitely not alone. It was very divine, loving, a real ease, and a relief \beyond measure.

Confirmation that yes, those were snowmen, with hats on, so confirmation of an answer but also that it’s not just the Law of Attraction because I never had an image of that type of styrofone penguin with that kind of hat, ever in my mind, thus it’s not just the law of attraction and it is legit. They made sure to let me know that, they seem to provide 2answers at once so simply. That bright light, was a loving wink from them, it was all so real.

The other thing they tell you to do, is tell them you have confirmation once you receive it, so you don’t keep seeing penguins with hats etc throughout your life repeatedly. As I remembered this and wanted to tell them I had confirmation at the same time feeling as if they already know, I got an extremely comforting and warming feeling all over my body along with some tingling as well.

I unmuted the TV and they kept saying “we’ll never have enough hats for these penguins!” and I laughed and through my wet cleared up face said “Ok I got it, thank you” and was eventually lovingly lulled back to sleep, probably by them.


Awakening 2014: Sh*t just got Real


Hey guys.

I figured this pic would help relay the spiritual message I will be attempting to convey through this blog with it’s awareness that seems to cut through all to the core of the message. Those aren’t my eyes though, lol, mine are green.

Spiritual evolution is a constant journey; and just like every other process sometimes intervals need to take place for whatever reason.

With workouts, sometimes a week or so needs to be taken off, in order for the next few times or types of workouts to really have the maximum effect on your body etc.

In this case, I believe it’s because, well, let’s face it I’m human.

The past few months I’ve somehow allowed myself to get carried away with my social and everyday life, out of the need for human affection and emotion/intimacy.

I’m a huge follower in the Law of Attraction, etc and will not stop furthering my research on more up to date or effective ways to use it etc and many times it will lead me to other videos etc on quatum physics and other things that blow my mind that I still can’t believe not many that I know, are interested in.

Either way, I follow it every day, write down what I would like for my life in the morning and at night, yet for some reason, the love I want -my Twin Flame, has not come into the physical yet. Maybe because I already met him and a lot has happened since, that its hard for my human mind to really think of that love without the possibly resentment baggage that may come with it due to human circumstance and my own self respect.

However when it comes to matters of the spirit, all that seems to go out the window and infinite understanding and love washes over -particularly in dreams where I find our spirit is at it’s truest, compared to on Earth when our conspicuous and subconscious are activated and we are many times clouded or diluted with the linear events and circumstances and the baggages that come along with it., no matter how much we try to resist it -it just doesn’t come close to the feeling of lightness and purity felt in our dreams. Like carrying a lot of heavy loads through and airport, vs floating in a pool -there’s a difference.

I try in many circumstance to help my friends with useful advice, I’m giving them the tools to build the house they want, yet they’de rather just complain about it and not help it. I’m not sure if they don’t believe in the law of attraction, but I just have to let them be on their journey.

It’s hard waiting for your twin flame. I know he exists, I met him. If you’ve followed my blogs you know we haven’t had contact since September, he left to live where I used to live, around or on my birthday. I always fb him on his, but sort of had signs not to. I met him in 2008 and I guess you could say a lot has happened since, seperatley to us, as before we met, and after, yet when together -timelessness occurs.

Being human and all, after months of faith and tears and spiritual growth etc, I really needed to expand and be my social self again. I allowed 2014 to be the year I do it, all of it. I’ve made friends, some my dreams will inexplicably tell me what level they’re at, and how I would grow better if I made friends more at my level, instead of constantly trying to bring people up 5 and them weighing me down, or trying -its a struggle, you can be strong but a weight’s a weight.

I started seeing a guy, who was in my group of friends. If I told you the details you’de think that if it was on a reality show, it was scripted, but it’s not lol, that’s just my life. Either way I was laying with him as friends before we started seeing eachother, and although my dreams tried to warn me that I was hanging around lower dimensional people again and I’m much further along than that, let’s face it -I’m human and grabbed the opportunity to be amongst others, hoping it wouldn’t stunt my growth but rather provide some lightheartedness to sail me to the next level of happiness or group etc.

As I was laying with him in a ridicuslous situation, lol he held me. My mind wasn’t really there, it was more on still trying to have us all leave where we were, but a day or so later it registered. It registered how he held me, how he cared, how soothing and listening he was, and how yes -that felt good.

The feeling of finally, the feeling of relief, of ahh I can breathe again, it’s been so long. Yes, I would like that please, I said to the universe.

Yes I have men that like me, but I’m not attracted to them and they’re like emotional loads I can’t weigh myself down with anymore. This one seemed to be at my level in terms of personality and socialness. He had a great personality, made me laugh, and ….maybe.

And thus it started, a 3 month ordeal. In the beginning, when it was all still candy and bubble gum flavored, I remember waking up from a nights sleep…..As I was waking up, I found myself returning to the reality I now know, this place and time, finding myself in it the more and more I woke, and seeing -what I can’t see in my consiuos state….That this stuff with Steve -that’s his name, was really at a level 3, when you’re happiness could really be at a level 8 or higher -is what this message told/showed me in some way. I saw the levels, and saw him and his emotions entangled with mine, our situation past, present, and maybe future, at a level 3 -yet I saw my true happiness, true potential, where I’m comfortable being, where I usually am when I go to sleep, at a much higher level -8 or higher.

Interesting….and yet -me being human and all, sort of stuck with him. It was telling me, don’t waste time in that 3d world, you have the potential for something so much greater, especially with all the self improvement via own spiritual enlightenment and research you’ve been doing on your own. Like the angels were congratulating me on that, and thanking me in a way by trying to help me out by allowing me to see this in the waking/ state.

This is actually the third time I’ve had this type of experience. The first was when I still hung out with a friend named Andrew that always liked me but our energies never matched up, and I sensed his karma, it freaked me out. I was waking from a heaven I was in with my Twin Flame free as a bird but better, and when waking had to find my place of where I was in this reality again and had to remember o yea, I somehow have myself hanging out with that lower energy.

The second was with a friend of his named Chris. Chris was quiet and I found him innocent, him and I started hanging out a lot as friends and he too, liked me. However I didn’t feel that way about Chris, but managed to help him in life and though we’de both find relief in our friendship. Well my friend Nancy who’s 50 tried to tell me he was of lower density energy, and I believe a week before she said it I was waking up, again from whatever Heaven my spirit was returning to at the time, and as I was waking I had to find my place back in this reality again, and remembered Chris, and felt the lower denser energy of him that I was surrounding myself with. Hm, interesting.

Steve, is friends with both, yet mostly Chris. Chris and Steve are not really as close with Andrew anymore. I met Andrew and Steve in 08, Chris last year. Through Chris, I no longer hang out with Andrew anymore, and now hang out with Steve a lot more. Steve and I had to keep our relationship sort of under wraps.

I really like Steve but I’m not sure how much of that is oxytocin bonding at this point. I heard also that when you have sex with someone, you’re sharing, maybe exchanging energies with them -great. I work so much on mine and he’s the opposite. My higher self knowing, and me feeling I deserve better…yet he’s there.

Want my Twin Flame, but I’m human and Steve’s here.

Here to distract me, from what’s not here.

Let’s face it I need that at this point…yet he’s sort of f*cking my life up. He’s in, he’s out, he apologizes, he has “issues” he says. I’m torn  between being the understanding and loving person I am, to wondering why I’m buying this ish as a woman.

I have no idea what’s true and whats not because I don’t even think he does.

I do know I deserve better, but have been patient with him, feeling as if I saw something more in his eyes. Which I did, but is he ready for it? He needs to want it, and do it himself.

My mind is constantly readjusting to us possibly being more, and me stepping back a lot bc I deserve better and have my guard up as well. Aka I don’t need this sh*t.

Yet I do it, although I’ve been drifting back from it more and more bc let’s face it it’s bs, I’ve been doing it out of a desire for love. I deserve love as much as the next person, and I want to give my glorious love out, but to someone that deserves it.

I found myself taking myself higher last night and asking questions as I wrote. Soul Mate: and automatically my twin flames name and face appeared in my mind, even though I try my best to not think of him anymore, sometimes it leaks out. Sometimes his face will appear to me so clear, as if I’d seen  him yesterday, yet I haven’t seen him since September.

On the drive into work today, I felt as if I saw myself from his eyes. Love pouring from him for me as I saw myself laughing and really saw my soul pour through my physical. Interesting.

As much as I’ve been doing this to distract myself and dull my light of what I really want (twin flame), the soul always shines through.

Today I found myself on the phone saying to someone that wanted to offer his bosses services to me on decision making between two guys or something like that spiritually, my spirit spoke.

I found myself saying “Ya know, my problems are much more simpler yet deeper than that. Most of my family is on the other side so I’d love messages from them.”

he interrupts with “Well he can help them cross over if they need”

I interrupt with “oh no trust me they have, I haven’t heard from them in years”

“Aside from that my soul aches everyday for a love from my twin flame who’s a douchebag.”

Me being human and all, it is very hard to have the self respect they teach you to have, and not have any resentment towards someone that looks as if they don’t see you as the gem you are, they way you see them and yourself.

If he only knew, how much I could cherish him. Yet would he appreciate it? Can you cherish with self respect? Is there someone out there who wouldn’t take advantage of such a pure love?

To me, there’s only one. The one that also holds the purest of love for you, and that is, your Twin Flame. However, we are all human; and as much as they may purely love you spiritually, they may not be as aware as you are, and may handle such emotions in a very diluted human fashion.

I meditated today to a Twin Flame meditation, something I haven’t done in months.

Tears trickled down my face and they leaked from my closed eyes.

I felt it. As much as I tried to dull my light these past few months, by possibly thinking maybe someone else will hold that Twin Flame energy or something but I couldn’t spend my whole life waiting, or maybe someone for the meantime…

Your soul knows, your soul always knows. The light shines through when you relax from all the resistance you’ve been putting up, and finally surrender, to the truth.

The truth of what you deserve and the truth of the purity of the love that you’ve been feeling for that person/soul and it getting given back. It’s not in our minds, although we should put it there to manifest into the physical. Its in our souls and hearts.

My soul bleeds for him, no matter how inconvenient it is physically -love knows no time or space, just truth.

Awakening from that as if from a cacoon, during this process I realize it’s time to be true to myself.

Don’t even regret anything, it all happened for a reason and higher formula/purpose. Although when you find yourself lost in 3D world and remember in a timeless way, of how deep into the spiritual you were, I feel as if it’s angels tapping you on the back or shoulder, perhaps a gentle reminder of love.

Being true to yourself is also not wasting time with those who don’t deserve your company. Don’t beat yourself up for doing it, you’re helping whoever you come in contact with anyway and doing your soul work. However when you’re ready to get real, it’s all waiting for you. I’m done actually considering and sharing some of my precious love with those who do not appreciate it and throw away my positive, loving, and healing energy. Love is good for all, yet you don’t want the love you give to affect the love you have for yourself. Someone that deserves it and loves you back, will not have that love you give, affect your own self love. Give it to all, but don’t continually give it to someone, who’s energy is reciprocating it back to you in a way that may not be the best for you.

I’m done with that, have healed and learned a lot, as well as served my purpose in my existence helping others to learn as well like everyone else, and am ready for what’s real. Bring it on.

Time: 4:44.