Wake Up, There Are Angels When You’re Ready

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Hey everyone, hope all are doing well.

Although, living on Planet Earth and given that this is not Heaven, how well can it get?

How well can it get, is the question one should ask themselves everyday in order to have the Law of Attraction work in their favor.

It’s ironic what a follower and advocate I am of the Law Of Attraction, yet in my own way, can’t wait to get to Heaven; when I know in reality, we should be making our own Heaven.

We should be grateful for each day spent down here, I’m aware, yet I understand how hard it is to feel that way given what occurs here as well. I can’t tell you how many times I am grateful everyday, and really try to practice gratitude everyday, knowing not to take life for granted, yet when it comes to topics of Heaven etc, I can’t help but feel, I can’t wait to get there.

After all, that’s where most of my family is.

I often catch myself thinking, what did I sign up for. I am so grateful for this life and yet, there’s so much pain sometimes. My tears are the key the genuinity, yet not the keys to Heaven.

However lately, I’ve been experiencing a different feeling. That each and every one of us can go at any time. Life is so short, and I don’t mean that in a sad way. I know life is short, from everyone I’ve lost, yet unfortunately I was left here to feel all of that loss. Yet now, more and more, I start to realize, every day really is a gift -because at any point in time we could just go.

It’s almost like being at a summer camp you don’t like. You know you have to be there, and eventually look back on experiences and realize it wasn’t soo bad and you’ve learned. Gone are the days when you feel you are there forever, and now are the days you realize you can get picked up by your parents at any time. When you start feeling that way, it’s not so bad at summer camp anymore, and you actually start to appreciate it there, knowing you’re not going to be there forever, you’re days there are numbered; so you might as well get the most out of it.

That’s how I’m starting to feel more and more.

If you read my last blog, you’d know I was going through a sort of a breakup.

And as much you may know it’s the right thing, etc the pain still comes when you’re a loving human, which I am.

Strong, but loving, and strong enough to know to let go. -However during that process you feel pretty damn weak, and sick of being strong. During times like these when I feel alone, I always want to turn to my parents, but they are in Heaven. Thus my spiritual evolution continues as I try and learn more and more on how to communicate with what’s bigger than us.

I saw a youtube video where someone said if you request to see something specific as some sort of answer to your question that you are asking the angels, it’ll be shown to you, and in the time you asked them too.

Basically, angels are all around us, and want to help us, but only can if we ask.

To assist in this process, sit usually alone, connect with your heart of hearts, your true self, center yourself, feel love, and honestly ask your angels whatever question you have.

Say if the answer is yes, show me this -then give them a time in which to do it -before Wednesday of this week, or something. Make sure what you want to be shown to you, is specific enough, so that when you see it, you’ll know without a shadow of a doubt, that it is you’re answer from them and you’ll feel it.

Thus, my question was: Is this legit? Meaning, is this true communication with angels? and not just, the law of attraction. In other words, the law of attraction states, if you keep and image in your head, you’re going to see it manifest into your reality anyway, so let’s hope its not just that.

I said, if it’s legit, show me a penguin, with a hat. -It has to be specific, yet it was my first time and I didn’t want to make it too hard for them, so I know some cartoon penguins wear hats because they’re cold, so. I also said before 7, at that point it was 619pm. Later I said pm.

Well, that night/next morning I woke up at 5am or so, and put on the TV to go back to sleep when eventually  Mr. Cooper was on. I was watching one of the characters try and make a bunch of the same type of thing out of craft materials. For a second I thought “!!omg, are those penguins??” then thought no, they’re probably snowmen -since they were putting top hats on them like frosty would wear.

Then I saw a bright yellow/white twinkle happen away from the TV but near it. It was bright and apparent enough for me to look away from the TV towards it and watch it beautifully and timelessly disappear so gradually that you can’t tell how it happened -like watching grass grow or a flower bloom. Its an organic timeless process, but this was more so.

I then heard the TV mention that they were rushing to make enough penguins. I looked at the TV and that’s what they were making! As they were putting a tophat on each one!

I muted the TV.

I got chills all up and down my entire body, engulfing, what I knew was the part of me that took up space, my physical body. Extreme and cold chills, tingling, engulfing, and just wow I realized a lot at once, and it felt oh so good, and loving, and everything else that’s amazing but not usually here.

Tears poured so naturally and slowly from my eyes bathing the sides of my face as I just knew, contact had just been established. We are definitely not alone. It was very divine, loving, a real ease, and a relief \beyond measure.

Confirmation that yes, those were snowmen, with hats on, so confirmation of an answer but also that it’s not just the Law of Attraction because I never had an image of that type of styrofone penguin with that kind of hat, ever in my mind, thus it’s not just the law of attraction and it is legit. They made sure to let me know that, they seem to provide 2answers at once so simply. That bright light, was a loving wink from them, it was all so real.

The other thing they tell you to do, is tell them you have confirmation once you receive it, so you don’t keep seeing penguins with hats etc throughout your life repeatedly. As I remembered this and wanted to tell them I had confirmation at the same time feeling as if they already know, I got an extremely comforting and warming feeling all over my body along with some tingling as well.

I unmuted the TV and they kept saying “we’ll never have enough hats for these penguins!” and I laughed and through my wet cleared up face said “Ok I got it, thank you” and was eventually lovingly lulled back to sleep, probably by them.

 

Awakening 2014: Sh*t just got Real

awakening

Hey guys.

I figured this pic would help relay the spiritual message I will be attempting to convey through this blog with it’s awareness that seems to cut through all to the core of the message. Those aren’t my eyes though, lol, mine are green.

Spiritual evolution is a constant journey; and just like every other process sometimes intervals need to take place for whatever reason.

With workouts, sometimes a week or so needs to be taken off, in order for the next few times or types of workouts to really have the maximum effect on your body etc.

In this case, I believe it’s because, well, let’s face it I’m human.

The past few months I’ve somehow allowed myself to get carried away with my social and everyday life, out of the need for human affection and emotion/intimacy.

I’m a huge follower in the Law of Attraction, etc and will not stop furthering my research on more up to date or effective ways to use it etc and many times it will lead me to other videos etc on quatum physics and other things that blow my mind that I still can’t believe not many that I know, are interested in.

Either way, I follow it every day, write down what I would like for my life in the morning and at night, yet for some reason, the love I want -my Twin Flame, has not come into the physical yet. Maybe because I already met him and a lot has happened since, that its hard for my human mind to really think of that love without the possibly resentment baggage that may come with it due to human circumstance and my own self respect.

However when it comes to matters of the spirit, all that seems to go out the window and infinite understanding and love washes over -particularly in dreams where I find our spirit is at it’s truest, compared to on Earth when our conspicuous and subconscious are activated and we are many times clouded or diluted with the linear events and circumstances and the baggages that come along with it., no matter how much we try to resist it -it just doesn’t come close to the feeling of lightness and purity felt in our dreams. Like carrying a lot of heavy loads through and airport, vs floating in a pool -there’s a difference.

I try in many circumstance to help my friends with useful advice, I’m giving them the tools to build the house they want, yet they’de rather just complain about it and not help it. I’m not sure if they don’t believe in the law of attraction, but I just have to let them be on their journey.

It’s hard waiting for your twin flame. I know he exists, I met him. If you’ve followed my blogs you know we haven’t had contact since September, he left to live where I used to live, around or on my birthday. I always fb him on his, but sort of had signs not to. I met him in 2008 and I guess you could say a lot has happened since, seperatley to us, as before we met, and after, yet when together -timelessness occurs.

Being human and all, after months of faith and tears and spiritual growth etc, I really needed to expand and be my social self again. I allowed 2014 to be the year I do it, all of it. I’ve made friends, some my dreams will inexplicably tell me what level they’re at, and how I would grow better if I made friends more at my level, instead of constantly trying to bring people up 5 and them weighing me down, or trying -its a struggle, you can be strong but a weight’s a weight.

I started seeing a guy, who was in my group of friends. If I told you the details you’de think that if it was on a reality show, it was scripted, but it’s not lol, that’s just my life. Either way I was laying with him as friends before we started seeing eachother, and although my dreams tried to warn me that I was hanging around lower dimensional people again and I’m much further along than that, let’s face it -I’m human and grabbed the opportunity to be amongst others, hoping it wouldn’t stunt my growth but rather provide some lightheartedness to sail me to the next level of happiness or group etc.

As I was laying with him in a ridicuslous situation, lol he held me. My mind wasn’t really there, it was more on still trying to have us all leave where we were, but a day or so later it registered. It registered how he held me, how he cared, how soothing and listening he was, and how yes -that felt good.

The feeling of finally, the feeling of relief, of ahh I can breathe again, it’s been so long. Yes, I would like that please, I said to the universe.

Yes I have men that like me, but I’m not attracted to them and they’re like emotional loads I can’t weigh myself down with anymore. This one seemed to be at my level in terms of personality and socialness. He had a great personality, made me laugh, and ….maybe.

And thus it started, a 3 month ordeal. In the beginning, when it was all still candy and bubble gum flavored, I remember waking up from a nights sleep…..As I was waking up, I found myself returning to the reality I now know, this place and time, finding myself in it the more and more I woke, and seeing -what I can’t see in my consiuos state….That this stuff with Steve -that’s his name, was really at a level 3, when you’re happiness could really be at a level 8 or higher -is what this message told/showed me in some way. I saw the levels, and saw him and his emotions entangled with mine, our situation past, present, and maybe future, at a level 3 -yet I saw my true happiness, true potential, where I’m comfortable being, where I usually am when I go to sleep, at a much higher level -8 or higher.

Interesting….and yet -me being human and all, sort of stuck with him. It was telling me, don’t waste time in that 3d world, you have the potential for something so much greater, especially with all the self improvement via own spiritual enlightenment and research you’ve been doing on your own. Like the angels were congratulating me on that, and thanking me in a way by trying to help me out by allowing me to see this in the waking/ state.

This is actually the third time I’ve had this type of experience. The first was when I still hung out with a friend named Andrew that always liked me but our energies never matched up, and I sensed his karma, it freaked me out. I was waking from a heaven I was in with my Twin Flame free as a bird but better, and when waking had to find my place of where I was in this reality again and had to remember o yea, I somehow have myself hanging out with that lower energy.

The second was with a friend of his named Chris. Chris was quiet and I found him innocent, him and I started hanging out a lot as friends and he too, liked me. However I didn’t feel that way about Chris, but managed to help him in life and though we’de both find relief in our friendship. Well my friend Nancy who’s 50 tried to tell me he was of lower density energy, and I believe a week before she said it I was waking up, again from whatever Heaven my spirit was returning to at the time, and as I was waking I had to find my place back in this reality again, and remembered Chris, and felt the lower denser energy of him that I was surrounding myself with. Hm, interesting.

Steve, is friends with both, yet mostly Chris. Chris and Steve are not really as close with Andrew anymore. I met Andrew and Steve in 08, Chris last year. Through Chris, I no longer hang out with Andrew anymore, and now hang out with Steve a lot more. Steve and I had to keep our relationship sort of under wraps.

I really like Steve but I’m not sure how much of that is oxytocin bonding at this point. I heard also that when you have sex with someone, you’re sharing, maybe exchanging energies with them -great. I work so much on mine and he’s the opposite. My higher self knowing, and me feeling I deserve better…yet he’s there.

Want my Twin Flame, but I’m human and Steve’s here.

Here to distract me, from what’s not here.

Let’s face it I need that at this point…yet he’s sort of f*cking my life up. He’s in, he’s out, he apologizes, he has “issues” he says. I’m torn  between being the understanding and loving person I am, to wondering why I’m buying this ish as a woman.

I have no idea what’s true and whats not because I don’t even think he does.

I do know I deserve better, but have been patient with him, feeling as if I saw something more in his eyes. Which I did, but is he ready for it? He needs to want it, and do it himself.

My mind is constantly readjusting to us possibly being more, and me stepping back a lot bc I deserve better and have my guard up as well. Aka I don’t need this sh*t.

Yet I do it, although I’ve been drifting back from it more and more bc let’s face it it’s bs, I’ve been doing it out of a desire for love. I deserve love as much as the next person, and I want to give my glorious love out, but to someone that deserves it.

I found myself taking myself higher last night and asking questions as I wrote. Soul Mate: and automatically my twin flames name and face appeared in my mind, even though I try my best to not think of him anymore, sometimes it leaks out. Sometimes his face will appear to me so clear, as if I’d seen  him yesterday, yet I haven’t seen him since September.

On the drive into work today, I felt as if I saw myself from his eyes. Love pouring from him for me as I saw myself laughing and really saw my soul pour through my physical. Interesting.

As much as I’ve been doing this to distract myself and dull my light of what I really want (twin flame), the soul always shines through.

Today I found myself on the phone saying to someone that wanted to offer his bosses services to me on decision making between two guys or something like that spiritually, my spirit spoke.

I found myself saying “Ya know, my problems are much more simpler yet deeper than that. Most of my family is on the other side so I’d love messages from them.”

he interrupts with “Well he can help them cross over if they need”

I interrupt with “oh no trust me they have, I haven’t heard from them in years”

“Aside from that my soul aches everyday for a love from my twin flame who’s a douchebag.”

Me being human and all, it is very hard to have the self respect they teach you to have, and not have any resentment towards someone that looks as if they don’t see you as the gem you are, they way you see them and yourself.

If he only knew, how much I could cherish him. Yet would he appreciate it? Can you cherish with self respect? Is there someone out there who wouldn’t take advantage of such a pure love?

To me, there’s only one. The one that also holds the purest of love for you, and that is, your Twin Flame. However, we are all human; and as much as they may purely love you spiritually, they may not be as aware as you are, and may handle such emotions in a very diluted human fashion.

I meditated today to a Twin Flame meditation, something I haven’t done in months.

Tears trickled down my face and they leaked from my closed eyes.

I felt it. As much as I tried to dull my light these past few months, by possibly thinking maybe someone else will hold that Twin Flame energy or something but I couldn’t spend my whole life waiting, or maybe someone for the meantime…

Your soul knows, your soul always knows. The light shines through when you relax from all the resistance you’ve been putting up, and finally surrender, to the truth.

The truth of what you deserve and the truth of the purity of the love that you’ve been feeling for that person/soul and it getting given back. It’s not in our minds, although we should put it there to manifest into the physical. Its in our souls and hearts.

My soul bleeds for him, no matter how inconvenient it is physically -love knows no time or space, just truth.

Awakening from that as if from a cacoon, during this process I realize it’s time to be true to myself.

Don’t even regret anything, it all happened for a reason and higher formula/purpose. Although when you find yourself lost in 3D world and remember in a timeless way, of how deep into the spiritual you were, I feel as if it’s angels tapping you on the back or shoulder, perhaps a gentle reminder of love.

Being true to yourself is also not wasting time with those who don’t deserve your company. Don’t beat yourself up for doing it, you’re helping whoever you come in contact with anyway and doing your soul work. However when you’re ready to get real, it’s all waiting for you. I’m done actually considering and sharing some of my precious love with those who do not appreciate it and throw away my positive, loving, and healing energy. Love is good for all, yet you don’t want the love you give to affect the love you have for yourself. Someone that deserves it and loves you back, will not have that love you give, affect your own self love. Give it to all, but don’t continually give it to someone, who’s energy is reciprocating it back to you in a way that may not be the best for you.

I’m done with that, have healed and learned a lot, as well as served my purpose in my existence helping others to learn as well like everyone else, and am ready for what’s real. Bring it on.

Time: 4:44.

#truePotentialtime

My Soul’s Pulse -Creating a Domino Effect

My soul’s pulse, the aftermath of the vision

ahh

Last night was ….wow as I begin to write this I look at the time, which I have barely done all day… 1:11

Last night was amazing in that I had many real visions of him, the real him. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him, its amazing my mind could come up with such a clear picture of what he looks like….Normally I just have a blurry idea, this was like live motion picture.

I’ve been writing to certain people, who I know may actually know what that “vision” was I (and I’m almost definitely sure him) had back in 2008, that I still remember so clearly, thank God.

http://newagexperience.wordpress.com/2013/07/16/twin-flame-gets-real/

It’s been ungoogle-able ever since and I just don’t know what it was. A dream? I was awake….and so was he….when he came back from vacation, the way he phrased it when he asked me was… “…Hey, this is going to sound just soooo weird but, when I was away, …did you have any …not dreams….but…..visions of any kind??”

As I shifted the car, I was like “yea actually I did” and he got really excited and said “wow, imagine if we were telepathically speaking?!?!” and I was like “lol, yea imagine” as I shifted out of the spot, I remember that moment like it was yesterday. Things like THAT make me think, we had that vision at the same time, not to mention, the energy was too strong to not, I never had a “vision” or dream of that nature ever in my life before.

At the time I don’t think I thought it was possible, orrr I was just sooo preoccupied with everything else it didn’t sink it –Ironically, considering once it hit me, it’s all I’ve ever thought about ever since.

Anyway as time went on..and him not really responding to me attempting to hint at it –I don’t know if it’s because I downplayed it the first time, or he assumes it wasn’t me in there based on what happened to me afterwards in our “real” life, where I got hyped up on energy drinks, I just don’t know.

Thus I started to wonder if it’s just me, was it what I was going through at the time…if I’m not meant to be with him (which all of me is sure of that I am, yet everyone else is stating obvious facts that, combined with years of now being lonely or him not being around are starting to weigh on me) then what was that vision for?? What was it

Well, I try to conform to human standards of what everyone else thinks and wants, yet the more I do so eventually my soul will leak out, in a glorious release of tears through the numb robotic façade I had created of myself in order to conform to such societal human standards. The tears feel great, as they show the robotic façade did not completely, almost but not completely, kill me. I’m not dead yet, well we never die but that’s a whole other chapter for those who haven’t had the advantage of learning what I have yet.

The tears come in a flood, when I’m alone, sometimes after jogging in the woods. It feels good, to be in truth, to feel alive. There, in that moment, Is my soul’s pulse. Allowing itself to breathe after being constricted and buried down by trying to ignore such angelic signs and bypassing them as something others would probably diagnose.

That’s what they do you know, they diagnose our gifts.

After years of this and almost getting to the point where I try to give up again, since I’m now 28 and I wish I could, I almost wish my soul would allow me to give up on the dream of him and I since let’s face it –let’s look at what everyone else is throwing at me, hard facts –he hasn’t contacted me etc.

However my soul knows different. Through dreams we connect, (http://newagexperience.wordpress.com/2013/07/24/twin-flame-july-2013-dreamconnect/ http://newagexperience.wordpress.com/2013/10/24/prequel-to-dream-post/  )

and that’s where my soul runs free. However, like I said, I’m 28 now, living in a dreamworld isn’t going to make kids. So as I try to forget again, and go against the grain of my heart with the way everyone else is going and putting pressure on me to go….I find some other loopholes.

2014 is a fabulous energy. It’s given me almost 2 possible answers to what happened to me in 08, when I’ve gotten almost nothing since then.

Lindy Cowling and I have been communicating because after seeing one of her video blogs about Twin Flames etc, she mentioned some things I have never heard of nor learned yet, which is what I’m always looking for..

She mentioned her Twin Flame and her have the ability to travel to different places in space and time, former lifetimes together etc I guess anywhere they’ve been together.

Now the only other thing I’ve heard close to this, was that the lady at the Pix 11 NYC Expo, who told me I was an “indigo” was amazed and told me maybe I went to a place in the future and to keep the faith, stay positive.

Thus, I wrote to Lindy, who I saw last night wrote me that I may have entered another place in time, like a “timeslip”…

As I looked up “timeslip” I came across another video blog and listened as this nice lady went on about parallel worlds, realities, etc and how we can slip from one to another…

As something she said really resonated with me, I actually went to look at the screen. (usually I put these things on and do something else while I listen, hoping maybe I’ll learn something but sometimes/usually its stuff you already know at this point).

Finally something different yet so on point, I looked up at the screen.

Tears came to my eyes as to how much she looks like my mom…I took it as a sign, as I heard mediums say at times, that when you think you see them, its them communicating with you, in a sense it is, them.

I wrote to her and am awaiting her answer.

I get that we choose our own realities, I’ve been studying the art of manifestation since 2008, however let’s face it –where’s my Twin.

As I wrote manifestation writings last night before bed, I started to string together and finally learn perhaps why things played out the way they did..That was real what I saw, and so is everything I’m feeling, it was probably a glimpse into the future so I had something to hang on to until that happens, considering it wasn’t the right timing for us –we both had things to learn, as well as things to do..

Every time I went to the mediums etc at these expo’s or that my friends knew, they said the same thing last year –You have more important things to do, before you get together.

Now, as I wrote that last night it clicked. I have all my ducks in a row now. I have about 5 projects I’m working on, one of them being a book –that maybe if I had been distracted by the bliss of true love I wouldn’t’ve been focused enough to do. Plus, he’s a separate person, let alone a male, who I also think had stuff to learn, we both did, so when we do get together we are already on our paths to changing the world and we are also better for each other.

The real me is starting to come out now as well, I used to think the idea of needing another is just purposteriuos , I have myself, psshh who cares. I think being around a lot of other people who think the opposite, and also almost being tricked by people I dated of the opposite etc, makes you almost fall for societies co-dependent tricks.

Obviously I’de love to be with my Twin Flame, but I definitely learned in the past year time frame, that I don’t want to settle for less then that, nor deserve any less than that.

Yes natural Kristina’s back, Thank God, common sense has showered its amazing presence and I feel great. I don’t need to conform to societies beleifs that you need anyone, just to be yelled at for feeling “lonely” ever –what an abusive system.

I’m really the opposite. I’m just fine on my own, but would thoroughly enjoy the prescense etc of my Twin Flame (or something better, as they teach us to say in LOA basics)

People remember to be, who you realllyyyyy areee, not what you’ve been taught, programmed or trained to be. Don’t fall for any of these tricks the media does to society, thus society does to you. Change you by being true to yourself, and one at a time, society will change right along with you. Let’s create a good domino effect for once, a heavenly one…

Happy Playing ;)

They’re like us, but better

stars

December 26th 2013 Notes on last night.

-Please excuse the grammar, spelling, and writing, these are just notes-

Last night I probably went to bed with a fever. I was really out of it the day before, had 1.5 beers but had been taking medication to subseed symptoms, soar throught, chest, weakness. I took half a dose of Nyquil and as I woke up to I guess take the other dose, I remembered something.

An image was in my mind. The head was similar to one of a “greys” like ours, except bigger on top. Eyes were also much bigger then ours while nose smaller, as well as any trace of mouth. I didn’t see hair, and the skin color was one of a light coral perhaps. Looked like a skin color, but redder than ours, and the texture was firmer, maybe tougher. His/her eyes were beautiful.

As I looked in them, they were green yet changing, the way mine do, then to a lighter green. I don’t remember any spoken language or verbal communication, but one of feeling.

I automatically felt very safe with this being, and very touched. I knew they knew a lot more than us, and knew they loved us. They are like us, but better lol I felt as if this being was guiding me in some way, our visit could’ve been seconds or hours, but definitely stood on it’s own in terms of feelings and dreams, it had separated itself into some sort of experience.

I trusted this being a lot, and as I looked more into his/her eyes I started to wonder/realize if this was my future self. However whatever this race was, seemed so much wiser, better than us now. Then parts that got fuzzy as they drifted off into the realm, beyond where my conscious memory can reach, were also comforting. I felt standing next to them, that I knew nothing compared to them. They took me under their wing lovingly, and very gently, knowing more about me then I knew about myself. They were teaching me things, in such a gentle way, my mind accepted it like a cat drinking up milk. They loved me and I loved them. I was marveled. I remember thinking that this was huge, but somehow knowing that the next day I was going to act like/feel like, it was normal; like bypass it as some sort of dream or something.

I remember almost now knowing if aliens are real, what would happen to the idea of angels, they’re still there right? Or are they the angels, is this what angels look like, what have I been praying to every night, how do they relay to one another/co-exist..

Which is weird because I remember thinking at one point in “reality” that people did not want to accept the idea of possible other beings out there like aliens probably because they would then think that if they exist then their religious beliefs could not, which I thought was probably ridiculous and there was probably most certainly a way for them both to exist.

They were us, but better.

Is the thought that kept repeating to myself during this experience. They’re us, but better. It  was, to me, like an alien and human combined. I wonder if this is what they mean by hybrids…

They were all knowing, and watched over us –which is how we also describe angels no?

That mustve been what confused me, if that was their place, where did the angels fit in?

-They showed me a grid, an energy grid that ecompassed the whole planet of Earth, and how everything is controlled by that. Anything you want can be yours, based on what you put in the grid. You can have any life you want, simply measured by your ability to know and customize what your putting in this damn grid, that everyone, and I mean everyone, is participating in whether they realize it or not. There is an actual grid, it’s no longer just a figure of speech that I once contemplated is as possibley being. I saw a lot of things, us humans usually can’t visibley see. Metaphysically, like energy fields and stuff surrounding everything. We really are so much more then the physical, I felt as if I saw emotions around things, in the state of colors. I saw how we are all connected, and colors surrounding all of us, that in this “dream” I always knew was there for some reason.

I felt as if they were taller then us, bigger then us, but in a better shape. By their proportions, they were slimmer. They all seemed to be the same shape. I don’t remember genders. Their skin I recognized as ours, however it was different like I said, maybe thicker, tougher, rubberier, redder, but definitely it registered to me as people skin for some reason.

They were like us, but better.

So friendly, I wish we were that way. I felt like a 3 year old standing next to,  the most loving and nurturing family members you’de ever (most certainly I’ve ever) experience. They know us, they love us. They’re so incredibly understanding, and know what we don’t.

They’re like us, but better.

-see what happens when you don’t take the full dose of Nyquil

Transformation 2013

moon night

Thursday 10/24/13

I’m just coming from my writing club that meets on Thursdays in Mahopac, NY. I can write a sitcom based on just that, and my perceptions of it, however ironically they’re the group that I’ve been sharing the 2%of me that’s serious, deep, and for real.

Ok maybe it’s more then 2%of me, however it’s mostly been hidden by an array of comedic ways of cheering others up. It came out in my writing, it never really had a reason for it to come out in real life –however my writing not only got me into school with scholarships, but through school to the degree.

It never had a reason to come out in real life,

until now.

After my 28th birthday, I gently reclused from the social scene and focused on what’s really important. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still enjoying the sociality of whoever’s in my life still, but with me no longer having to depend on anyone to party-partner with, there’s also not room for those who don’t make their own effort to be in my life etc. Things become more clear, without the clouding of people moving sideways.

Which is fine, it’s sort of a filtering process. When you get to the point where you realize your self worth, you seem to only fit in your life, what you deserve, while peacefully and defaultly leaving the rest. The more aligned you are, the more peaceful it will be. However we are still all human so, there is a bit of withdrawal one might feel when having to leave some friends at level 5 while you’re trying to get to level 6 ot 7 etc when they clearly, (and the more you exceed up the more clear it becomes) are not ready to do so themselves.

Becoming real with one’s self is actually quite liberating. Don’t get me wrong though, it’s a process. However if you’re at the right level to start this process, you’ll be spiritually aware enough to know that this is a process and actually appreciate the process of it, despite the pain naturally and humanely felt.

You’ll be able to separate from that, and look at it from a different perspective. Yes you are feeling some pains, but they are growing pains. You’ll feel better at the next level and/because your spirit is ready to be at the next level. Trust me we’re all energy, thus we are all continuously moving –hopefully in the right direction. However in the New Age, you can feel it more then ever. The New Age directly routes you, which is your feelings, to your metaphysical you, which is your spirit –in other words, the connectivity of all is felt more then ever now. People are waking up, becoming more aware. This is the age where things happen, due to the magic in the air, direct connectivity of the Law of Attraction, and people realizing they can make things happen.

Tonight was one of the many emerging examples I’ve experienced. Each example, special and unique from the rest, yet each one progressively becoming more direct and clear/obvious of the movement that is going on with each individual and the world.

There was a new lady in my writer’s group tonight, that I made myself go to despite other extenuating circumstances….As I walked in late, she was speaking and I could tell she wanted to share cathartically why she was there. Everyone else was kind of on their own path however, yet I felt the need to serve her food, share with her what one other is sharing about his experience (since his is personal, maybe she’d feel more comfortable sharing), and really helping to allow her to feel welcome –is what I wanted to do, the urge was there. However swept with the movement of the group along with my own shyness, I went along with the flow of the group for now.

I was there to listen. Previously when I was there, I had read, on two separate occasions, very real, deep, and heart felt beautiful pieces of poetry that I banged out in the midst of the process described earlier in this blog, and one earlier this year. They were  intense and yet people loved them. They are from the depths of my soul so, takes some real passion to write them, and some would find it nearly impossible I would keep such feelings inside of me, knowing how…unconditionally loving, deep, and passionate they are, but like I said, I keep certain things private.

I broke the intense moving saga, the third week I was there with a light and comical How-To piece on the Do’s and Don’ts of How To Stay Cool with a Black Eye, based on an experience I had while living in Mount Vernon, NY.

These people needed to know, that I can make light of almost anything, so they didn’t fear I was about to jump off a bridge every time I left a meeting. After all some lady after striking up a conversation with me suggested I read a book, she later told me was titled “Dark Places”.

A man came up to me after one of my poems, and raved to me about it. He was so happy, yet I was seemingly drained. I asked “O yea, are you in love?” as he was smiling he said he thinks so, and he loves it.

I’m nodding, as I said “That’s great” yet wanted to say,

“Yea, I can’t wait for it to be over”

Being in love can be exausting when you’re unsure of the other side.

Some freak, when they are unsure what the other feels, which trust me I understand the feeling. Yet now, with my knowledge of the Law of Attraction, as well as the new-found knowledge earlier in the year of a Twin Flame and what they are, ahem aka my life, annd the fact that I am now 28 and well, self-assured –no matter where life takes me I know I’m here for a reason so; that can be looked at as faith in the divine, surrendering to angels, and of course doing your part here, knowing you have a job, you’re put here for a reason, and knowing you’ll find fulfillment in doing it.

Will it ever match up to what could happen when united with your Twin Flame? Of course not, however I have a job to do, and I’m here to do it. Besides, trust in Divine timing, they (the angels etc) know what’s up, and they’re with you.

Some are, in part, working with them, after all we are all in this together.

The new lady read her piece and I got her essence of what she was trying to say. Some misunderstood the way she said the first part, so I told them I understood how they heard it but attempted to clarify it for her, and asked her to correct me since I’m merely guessing.

Her poem brought tears to my eyes, for I knew. I knew what she was saying, and as I clarified a part that many misconstrued, she slowly and silently nodded, yet very to herself. Someone else got a literal message that she verbally commented on so I figured, maybe I didn’t get it as much as that guy. Perhaps her message was a bit different then what I read…

Well after class I went up to her, welcomed her, and she told me I actually got the message more then anyone else in the class did. Wow, interesting. I also asked her if she ever heard of a twin flame, and she didn’t yet her eyes lit up as I mentioned it. I explained more to her, and the theory and some background, and mentioned that it sounded to me like she was describing a twin flame.

I started out by saying you can have 12-15 soul mates in your life, but as for your Twin Flame: there is only one. You’ve never felt this way towards anyone else before, not even close. Not even on the same planet of feelings I guess. The more I spoke the more she lit up. I eventually told her the theory behind it, is that, you guys are your ying to your yang, and there are many synchronicities, but because you are your ying to your yang, there are opposites as well. The theory is that you both were one soul, and in this life, are split into two, two people, but you both –at the risk of sounding co-dependent -complete each other.

This is why self-work is very important, and you should both come together as the most complete people ever before combining because ultimately you are trying to strengthen the whole of the sum. Anyway this all completely resonated and moved her, and she just knew we met for a reason. I explained a bit of my recent journey and finally came out  after a lot of questioning and said (since for once I felt safe saying this) a huge reason for my transformation is that my –as I humorously say this- twin flame, moved to Florida.

( Now let me remind everyone that my twin flame will always remain anonymous since I respect the privacy of others and myself. I am also very privately protective of him etc but just because for once this blog mentions a couple locations that I will ever really get deeper in terms of details like that, a lot of people move to Fl lol, and this is the most “real” detail I’ve ever really said about him or probably will ever say. I don’t “expose” anybody.)

She asked which part and I mentioned Jacksonville, where I used to live.

Hers did too! But to Naples, but where she went to high school!

She asked if mine knew I used to live there, and I said noo because in the very beginning he didn’t, and that’s not why he moved there.

I did mention that he thought I was lying when I said I moved up from there… and I didn’t know why, then I guess he told me he or his fam had/ has a summer place there.

Or maybe she asked if I knew, idk either way we met up here so I didn’t think it mattered but her point was that hers didn’t know she went to highschool in naples yet moved there.

I mean it’s definitely interesting.

We should’ve definitely joined the “My Twin Flame Moved to Fl” Club I guess a few months ago.

Anyway let me get to sleep, where hopefully I’ll enter the heavenly world where we hang out, and most of all –(hopefully)remember it. For those memories, are the best one’s I have so far.

Prequel to Dream Post

http://youtu.be/P62ZMEa67RQ

10/22/13

I was sitting by my computer today listening to Lana Del Rey’s “Dark Paradise” lyrics since I heard a glimpse of them at Sky Room NYC Saturday, and chose to be devoted to looking them up while under the influence the other night, that I”m still re-cooping from.

I seemed to have been so dedicated to this, the other night, that it has already made its way on my Fall playlist -funny how the real comes out no matter how much you try to ignore it.

Today I face it head on after a few days of numbness while helping others, and decide to hear the entire song and pay close attention to the lyrics now that I finally had a chance.

I’m listening carefully, agreeing completely yet mostly still in my numb state, when finally it hit me…something so quickly all at once reached my soul and reawakened it and i burst out, yet silently, crying as I just thought……yea.

Felt like a good release, and that I was actually present for a second. All those lyrics stood true in a way I would only write about, In fact during my transformation in the past couple months, I have banged out a couple of extraordinary poems, which just goes to show that success really is fueled by artist’s pain.

However, as much as I feel where she’s coming from, the only thing that doesn’t resonate with me is wanting to die. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid to die, but I’m not wanting it. I’m 28, self-assured, and am here like the rest of us, for a reason. I’m aware I lived this life for a reason. Ammm I looking forward to Heaven? Yes, and I often wonder if I’m the only one, since others may find it a bit strange; but I do believe there’s a difference between wanting to die, and looking forward to Heaven, a difference in energy. As much as I’m looking forward to Heaven, I guess like anyone else, lol, I’m here to help and assist and see what’s up, like anyone else I guess except we’re all different and unique in our own way.

My apologies for not blogging in a while, trust me I’ve thought about it a lot, and almost did once but it never made it -my computer seemed to delete it in the publishing process and I just rolled with it with a sidebar thought that there must be a reason.

Since my last blog, a lot has happened, a mix of a variety of things. I don’t like to call or look at anything as bad, yet helping me get to the next step.

I had to freeze or stop the blogging for a bit because I realized the address was on my business card, and I didn’t want anything private getting in the wrong hands. I don’t care if I don’t know you, it’s the ones I do know -that maybe I don’t want to share this portion of my life with, which is becoming increasingly ironic considering this “portion” of my life is pretty much my entire life at this point.

See, part of the New Age topic particularly this year, is that there’s a lot of movement going on in terms of energy, and I don’t consider your job, or anything you HAVE to do, your life. I consider things that you WANT, and WANT to do, your life. Things that are really you, you see.

People have been tricked into believing that they have to do, what everyone else expects them to, and they’ve basically programmed to follow protocol, if you will.

I agree, we have to make money to survive yadi yada, but what really makes the world go round is the love/passion for things. Follow that, do what you love and everything else will follow. What you can do in your mind you can do in your body if you combine your desire with belief.

I believe more and more people have been waking up to this idea, I’ve certainly been one of the many many helpers out there and one can only hope.

At the Pix11 Health and Wellness Expo NYC on Saturday, after one of the speakers spoke and took questions publicly, I went to speak to her privatley. She told me I was an Indigo, which isn’t the first time I’ve heard this.

At the New Life Expo Spring Edition earlier this year, one of the speakers tried to read me and finally when I off-focused from him, he comes out with “your one of us!”, I’ve heard this from, I believe, every psychic/medium prior so at this point I’m like “mm hmm but the reason I’m here…” lol I guess you can say I semi-ignore it because perhaps everyone has this ability and it just hasn’t been awakened yet, or they don’t want to etc, idk. I doo know that I’m highly intuitive and assumed growing up that everyone else was, as well. However I’ve been told many times that that apparently is not the case.

So here’s the thing, I’ve been known to be good with people, people know me to be very social, and some think everyone knows me and I can supposedly get along with everyone. Well after my birthday on Sept 6th I pretty much decided to keep to myself, and whoever comes into my life ok, but I’m not going to be the ring-leader socialite I usually was, even though I have been calming down the past few years, becoming more and more real to myself.

So while the rest of the world knows me as this sort of comedian, and party pro, i began a real transformation after my birthday, joined 2 writing clubs -where my identity there is so different then how everyone else knows me to be lol, and really tried to stay away from bars and anyone else that’s not on the level I want to be.

However when I do find myself at these places, I stay real to myself -which can threaten those who are not exceeding with you, yet I see right through their facades, and provide closure for our souls as well as healing. I’ve been feeling that.

Of course to whoever’s with me, I make light of these situations so that this all seems fun, and sometimes funny but I definitly been keeping it real.

Ironic, given that, some would say my life isn’t entirely real itself. I started to write about the realm of dreams at one point, and why it is that sometimes you can feel more in dreams than you do in “real” life -I wrote this in a much more beautiful way, and why is it that no one is really wondering about that, and if they are, it’s definitly not google-able.

That’s right, when you type in anything on dreams in the google scroll bar, it will take you to the stero-typical “meanings of symbols” or scientific reasons or physcological theories on why we dream including Freud etc.

Eye Roll, give me a break. We’re in the New Age, the Golden Age to those who are really aware, and this is all that comes up in terms of dreams?

Lol -Those are not the dreams I’m talking about.

Twin Flame July 2013 DreamConnect

Monday, July 15, 2013

Ironic date at that…technically the day I married someone a while ago….O well, everyone’s got some kind of baggage from this lifetime Anyway on to more important things….

For the past month or so I’ve been wanting to connect with my Twin Flame in dreams, and I would send that request out to the angels before I went to bed. I also had a request, to somehow have him know, what a twin flame is, and better yet who is twin flame is (obviously me). I would pray to somehow have the angels or someone let him know.

I would wake up everyday wondering if I had dreamt of him, and not remembered since I didn’t want to feel unfulfilled. I didn’t want to lose faith in the metaphysical system, because that, in itself, is failing the system. (via Law of Attraction)

See here’s the thing though, dreams with him are unlike any other. They are a completely different category. The first dream I ever had with him was not only interactive but during the f*cking day. I’m saying we both weren’t asleep. Oh I never told you about that? Allow me:

http://newagexperience.wordpress.com/2013/07/16/twin-flame-gets-real/

Anyway, now that I got that(italic) out of the way lol there’s been many other dreams since. Many may consider them not “as good” in that, obviously with the others I was asleep, and we don’t know for sure if these were indeed interactive or not, as much as I knew with the first one. I feel they are, on some level.

It may not be a level where my twin flame’s Earth self can consciously remember, but perhaps our souls are communicating and I happen to remember, because perhaps I am more in tune to the metaphysical at this point in time, then he is. There are probably a lot I do not remember as well, and who knows perhaps he has the privilege of remembering those.

What I’m thinking, what my sense is…is that when these dreams occur we aree interacting on some level yes. This concept used to be so far out there to me…however as time went on, it seemed to have come closer and closer to me and I am getting a bigger and clearer picture of, how this is possible. Remember, I originally dismissed the first experience as part of my imagination, when, well I think we could both safely say at this point that it happened. The only problem is, we haven’t –to eachother. We are probably still both thinking it was our imagination, yet if we actually communicated on it we’de realize the reality of it.

Back to my main point of this blog. Welcome to 2013, we’re connections don’t require middle-men anymore. We seem to have a more direct connection to what we want and making it happen. Like I said, for weeks I was requesting that a message be passed on to my twinflame, to let him know it’s me. I also, if I wasn’t asking for that, I was asking to interact with him in some way, via dreams –where our souls are bare, the most true etc. We seem to have a much easier time communicating via dreams, vs the ego-weighted reality we live in.

Each time I asked for one, I didn’t think of the other with it. I thought of each as a separate entity, so who would’ve thought –the requests would be combined so simpley. The simplicity of this was beautiful.

Last night I had a dream. You know how dreams are, sometimes you don’t remember much, but what I do remember…is this. Our dreams our timeless, and I remember being somewhere with him, or around him. I saw his face. My demeanor was of it’s natural soul-state: calm yet very content. He was also happy and calm yet in a different way –there’s the ying and yang yet the same.

-I really wish we spoke about this so that if we aree having the same dreams, we could compare notes and possibley remember more; this world that we go to is awesome.

Anyway this morning as I was sitting in a Dr’s office for  a dr to look at my knee, I wrote down “There is a place that is not this, that is home to us”

Later on, my dream surfaced to memory.

Our energies were, as described. He seemed to be smiling a bit, probably being his witty flirting self, or tryng to be anyway lol –no matter what he tries to be, I always see through to him no matter what so.

He was being his light, now playful and perhaps fun (with me) self, and for once I got real during this joyous delight time; I’m not even sure if words were exchanged prior I’m just describing the feeling…but I remember finally turning to him and saying, calmly and with a smile, looking right at him in a calm happy yet knowing way, “Are you familiar with the termTwin Flame?”

After the Flame

A lot’s happened since 2008.

There is no after the flame, despite what happens.

What there is, however, is acceptance.

He seemed to have met me, in a crosscurrent of time. I don’t want to say “wrong” timing because, even though it may feel that way, “wrong” timing doesn’t exist.

I have had about 3 or so more year-long relationships since, he has had a couple as well.

I never forgot him, in fact no matter how hard I tried, my mind thought of him almost every day -but I believe that may be one of the most private things I will reveal on here because I’ve never told anybody that.

I hide it, reallyyy well.

Just because you’re twin flames, does not mean the lives you were both born into, will coincide so perfectly, as both of your souls do.

We live on Earth, with things that hold us down, like gravity, morals, expectations, judgments, egos, circumstances, and other paradigms that restrict us.

As limitless as true love is, there was only so much I could do, while maintaining myself in the realms of self-respect.

As much as I have this huge potential for love for him and don’t know why, I don’t respect that he’s judged me so easily -so snappily, without knowing a thing. I’ve tried to let go of this, but everytime there’s a slight chance of this, he gives me something else to judge.

Although, unlike him, I don’t judge him, I don’t respect his actions.

I love him and can be the best thing for him, but as I grew older, my self-respect flourished and also became more solid. Thus it’s a turn off how ignorant I feel he can be towards me -which is why I pretty much ignore him, until he’s right in front of me.

Think of him I do, but I think of his soul. Until he connects more with that, there’s not much that can be done, it takes2.

I am not thinking of  (what I see as) this judgmental human that I tend to encounter, that just seems to confuse me; although I do believe if he ever stayed in my life for more then a second, we’d be fine; because there’d probably be COMMUNICATION.

However, I do nottt bother with him until he bothers with me, and the minute he leaves I’ve already said bye; basically until he puts himself in my life, I’ve given up.

Not given up…..let go….accepted, yea given up. I used to think Ide die before ever giving up on this amazing connection I’ve never felt before but have, -but I know more about it now.

I know we are twin flames and my love for him is still there, however until he realizes things, , this is, this life.

I figured, I went through this, to enlighten people about it. Others are having these experiences with their twin flames. Me writing about this, is the evidence of me letting go; because for the past 5years I’ve kept this sacred, to myself.

However after many heartbreaks I wondered what the point was, of those beautiful experiences.

and through the tears (trust me I never cry) I realized one night, its to write about it.

It’s to share it with you. I wanted these experiences to result in the love we both deserve, and our family etc but as patient and sweet as I’ve been through this whole thing, I am still human and still felt the pain.

Artists recycle pain. As I was going through it, I decided to use this beautiful energy (although painful, beautiful that someone could love another that much, without realizing why, on a soul level) and put it towards something beautiful, that can help others.

Comedians also recycle pain. Most comedians are known to be depressed. I’ve been told sooo many times I’m a comedian, and although I have many many reasons to be depressed, I am not. I feel it like everyone else, I just -like I said- recycle that feeling, and make it into something useful.

I feel it, even after I turn it into something funny, just less so, but laughter really is the best medicine as well as relief.

So thus, when you are going through something, allow yourself to go through it in the best way you know possible, however if you feel your soul or self not wanting to stay in that feeling much longer, harvest it, into a healing energy. Use it to help others, as well as yourself.

When you are ready, and only when you are ready, consider it a lesson learned that is making you/made you stronger, and it happened for the best because something BEAUTIFUL will be born out of it, in some way or another. Something better then how great you thought that experience was going to be, trust in that, and it will be so. :)

I didn’t understand what was happening to me, when I met my twin flame. I didn’t understand the feelings that followed; and it is hard for someone to understand how you can love, or feel the potential of so much love, for someone you barely know.

However my intuitive side has led me to do some research in the new age and lead me to some answers that made complete sense. You’ve always known your twin flame, which is why intuitive people will feel that familiarity when meeting them, etc etc etc. It’s so much more then the writing I’m putting down on this paper. Knowing about twin flames, will reassure anyone who has met their twin flame, that they are not crazy.

Some twin flames really work out, as they should. The New Age is allowing this to be, thank God, and I hope anyone that comes in contact with theirs, works out beautifully with them. I wish mine were free minded enough to realize is he relaxes and realize what’s really up, everything will flow so freely and naturally. We would have, so much fun and be so calming to one another.

There is no after the flame, there is only acceptance, and the hope that your experiences will propel you to do good for the world, as it has done for me.

Thank you

 

 

Twin Flame Gets Real

sunset-beach

This is the second part of the:

http://newagexperience.wordpress.com/2013/06/19/twin-flames-intro-and-background-info/

Twin Flames Intro and Background Info

Blog

However, reading that is not a prerequisite to reading this, it is merely the Earthly experience that is ironically out of this world, explained in as logical terms as I could fit it in. It’s good to start out with that blog if you are new to the concept of Twin Flames.
This blog gets a little more interesting…

Things happened here and there where he would find out something about me, and think I was lying about it because apparently it paralled him to the tee. Such as me living in Jacksonville Florida prior, I guesss he has a place there idk…and me wanting to write sitcomes…apparently he thought I was lying about that as well even though my scripts were in my car..

There were other things but we really seemed to flow quite nicely, in the most simple, and the most natural beautiful way I’ve ever experienced. This was like a blooming flower, easy.

Shortly after meeting, he went on vacation. He would text me here and there but we’de be busy with our own lives. Anyway, there was one time I happen to be mentioning him to the family that helped raise me. They were watching TV, and I said something like “You don’t understand guys, I would trust my KIDs with this guy”

now, I don’t have kids, I was speaking of my future kids but right after I said that my mind went elsewhere…

Keep in mind this is the first time I’m making this public.

sunset-beach

A series of images that I had no control over, appeared before me, I guess in my mind’s eye.

I saw him sitting on a beach, alone, gazing out onto the ocean. My mind then went to a place in the sky that he was staring off into, and now I am on a beach…

The sun must’ve been setting orr I’m trying to remember if this particular image was in shade’s of blue -Keep in Mind this “Dream” I had was in 2008, yet I still remember most of it.

I saw parts of a man, facing the water. I was on the waters side, looking at him. I saw a leg, followed by board shorts. As if a camera was going up his body in slow motion, then in parts.

I beleive the shorts were blue, white, and either black or navy….either way, they definitley had a draw string…perhaps there was some red instead but definitley board shorts, probably past the knee….

I saw an arm, muscular -but not too buff, but not too thin, natural. I felt so much love, for whoever this was….I’ve never felt such love before in my life…this was something I’ve never come close to experiencing before..

I was wondering who this was, I saw freckles strewn across the tops of his shoulders and cheeks. This was odd to me because this isn’t my type, yet that didn’t register in my feeling department, I was still feeling and overwhelming amount of preciuos love for this being…

He was smiling…typing this, is bringing tears to my eyes, because it is so beautiful to me, still to this day

-Love knows no time.

He was, beaming in the moonlight, whoever this person was that I had an overflowing amount of love and respect for, unrestricted free-flowing, the most natural, to the core love I’ve ever felt…

His hair seemed a bit auburn…

As the view went down to his muscular, awesome, relaxed shoulders to arms, I noticed he was holding something. What is he holding…my minds eye is whispering..

I saw the utmost PRECIUOS little hand, attached to the most preciuos little arms, on his. I felt SOOO much love for this little creature, I never thought this amount or type of love was really possible. Holy sh*t

This little hand, and little arm belonged to…a preciuos bundle in a diaper. It must’ve been warm out because the baby’s bare skin was against his, and he was holding..him(?)

I felt this preciuos little being that I had the most love ever for (I thought the love I had for himm was a lot and could not be surpassed, but I guess I was wrong considering the love I had for this baby was beyond even that new chart)
was part of me in some way…

I still had to wonder, who was this…It went up, past the baby’s head onto whoever was holding the baby, his neck…freckles…was that…was that him???

I say him because I’m not mentioning names, but when I say him I’m referring to the guy I just met at the time, who was then on vacation, alone, on a beach -apparently as I later come to find out.

Yess, omg it iss him. He’s beaming in the moonlight, smiling from ear-to-ear, looking down at the baby, sleeping, then back up towards the water. I now see him rocking up and down with the baby, like bouncing -yet at the time I think he was still- I’m not sure it was mostly emotion..

He’s staring at something he loves, a lot, in the water. Whatever he is staring at in the water, gives him a lot of joy…

What could he be staring at, whispered my minds eye/soul view.

The view pans around, he was in front of me, then on the left as my gaze/view goes towards the right and sees in passing the beach and eventually the water…

There was a girl, dancing around in the water, in the distance..She seemed playful…laughing…her hair was darker and curly, she too, was beaming. She was in a bicini, and playing around but looking back at them a lot. She was free, the happiest she’s ever been, but the love she had for them sustained her, this was a happy unit, what a family…

Who is that girl…my mind whispered..

Is that…no way…is that ME?

Closer look, it was me.